Bracing for Off the Mark Christmas Gifts

Two wrapped Christmas gifts arrived early in the mail from a relative and as I put them under the tree, I could hear the plastic crinkle under the wrapping paper which made me wonder what was in there, but not in the excited way my kids would respond. I was dreading the likelihood of it being a gift I probably would not want my kids to have and I don't know how to handle it or the other similar gifts that may be headed our way soon.

When my daughter was young, my husband or I could easily remove an opened gift we didn't like (for instance, my kids received those magnet toys months after they were recalled), but now our oldest is mature enough to remember what she got and put up a fight to keep those toys we hate. A recalled item is easy to justify taking away, even if my daughter flips out, but how do I explain my hate for Bratz? Or electronic toys that lack a volume control? I still regret allowing my daughter to keep a Dora cash register she received last year because it is so damn loud it feels like an ice pick is being stabbed into my brain while it asks over and over again, "Wanna shop some more?"

We were at a birthday party a few months back outside of the Bay Area where the moms were talking about how much they love Bratz, but said there is another doll brand (I forgot the name), which was skanky and not appropriate for little girls. Maybe I am sheltered because I am used to hearing a unanimous hate for Bratz, but it brought home the idea that we each have different opinions of what is appropriate for our children and sometimes, especially during gift-giving times, those ideas clash. I sent books that we love to the children of the relative who sent us the crinkly gift, but then it hit me that I am just as guilty of pushing my preferences onto other people as well. Maybe I should have sent Bratz (one of the book recipients is a fan) or something else that she would have loved, even if it was something with which I don't allow my kids to play. Was sending books elitist?

When my daughter was three, she was given a book about a child finding Jesus and salvation as a gift from a friend trying to convert us. That was infuriating and while I don't think my gifting of books is that bad, it still may produce the same eye rolls that my husband and I give the crappy, plastic, possibly-lead-containing toys that my kids receive. I don't give gifts that I wouldn't want my children to receive, but maybe I'm sheltering them too much, which makes us givers of loser gifts and too strict with what my kids can keep. In elementary school, an older cousin gave me a beautiful copy of Little Women. I rolled my eyes because I much rather would have had a toy or stickers or whatever I was into, but later, I loved the book and saw it as a really special gift.

Should I give in a buy more exciting gifts, like a big bucket of Polly Pockets or whatever temporary thing the recipient may like or go with what I think is a good gift? As for my kids, should I lighten up a little or just prepare to explain to my daughter that I don't think some toys are appropriate for her to have, somehow without passing judgment on her friends or cousins who do have these toys?