The One-Child Policy

When I told my business school classmates that women in urban China actually enjoy more gender equity than their counterparts in the U.S.,   most of them were incredulous. But it really is true in large cities in China (smaller cities and rural China are completely different stories) and from what I have observed, a good part of it is due to the one-child policy. I am not here to promote this policy or tout its virtue. I am a working mom, so I am especially interested in gender equity related issues because they greatly affect my level of happiness on a daily basis. Furthermore, I’ve noticed great interest or even fascination especially amongst other moms on the one-child policy in China, and I am just here to provide my own observations.

I myself am partially the product of the one-child policy.

I was born in China in 1978, a year before the policy took effect. If my parents had tried hard enough, they could have had another child, but back then, poverty, not the policy, was what prevented couples from having more than one child. Growing up, meeting a classmate with a sibling was a novelty, but that is nothing compared to what my children get today. When we take both of the kids (who are obviously not twins) out, we are met with questioning stares, double takes, envious ohhs and ahhs, and even prying questions of “how did you manage to evade the reproduction police?” I don’t like lying about the fact that my children are actually Americans who are not bound by that policy, but I also don’t like telling complete strangers things about our children. After much hem and hawing on our part, people usually make the assumption that we belong to one of the groups who are either exempt from the policy or who don’t abide by it anyway: ethnic minorities, husband and wife who are both only children, husband and wife who both have a masters degree or higher, the ultra rich who can pay the penalty, or the dirt poor who have nothing to lose.

With only one child allowed, the child-rearing duties are somewhat easier to fulfill for women. Family planning is considerably simpler. Most women either wait until they have built up a career before having a child, or have a child early and go back to the workforce once the child is old enough to be in preschool. Either way, it means that workforce participation by women is very high, which also results in more women reaching higher positions. Urban Chinese women receive more help from their families. Since most of my peers are also only children, this translates to only one grandchild for every two pairs of grandparents. It is not uncommon for Chinese grandparents to fight over who gets to babysit little Deedee or Meimei as she or he provides the only chance for them to experience joy as grandparents.

The one-child policy has also changed the traditional view that daughters are not as valuable as sons. Some urban Chinese still prefer to have a boy, but most are enlightened enough to welcome a child of either gender. Even if they don’t, there isn’t much they can do: there is a strict policy forbidding doctors from revealing the gender of a fetus to prevent selective abortions. With only one child to raise and love, parents invest in the same amount of resources whether it is a daughter or a son, whereas traditionally families tended to place more importance on sons.

As for myself, I actually enjoy being a working mom here in Beijing. The fact that it is a social norm brings many unexpected benefits. I often meet other women who are working moms (thought not at my own company, mostly due to nature of the work) and I don’t experience the guilt I’ve heard American working moms express and I myself have experienced while I was living in Silicon Valley. The best part is that because my male colleagues’ wives work, I feel no hesitation when I say I want to go home early to see the children, because they “get it” more than many of their American counterparts. Those who do frown upon it are typically male expats with a stay-at-home wife (and unfortunately they also tend to be in executive positions).

I must admit that I am very lucky to be able to have both of my children. Even if the one-child policy has brought side benefits to women, many still wish that they are allowed to have at least two children. When my cousin came for a visit, she looked wistfully at my children and said that she wanted nothing more than to give her daughter a sibling to grow up with.

Ivy is an ex-Silicon Valley mom who now lives in Beijing with her husband and children.  When she is not blogging at SV Moms Blog she posts her musings on her personal blog at leauclaire.blogspot.com