You go, Barbara Walters

This a.m. Joy Behar on the View said that she is giving all the other women a donation to something or other for Christmas. Barbara replied (I quote roughly), “That’s not a gift. You want to make a donation, that’s great, I do think you should give to charity. But don’t make it in my name. It’s probably not a charity that I want. And I have to write a thank you note anyway. So don’t say you’re doing it in my name.”

Thank you, Barbara, for saying that. I, too, do not want to receive “donations in my name”. I do not think those are gifts. If you decide to spend your entire shopping budget on charitable contributions, I’m fine with that. But don’t give me a note that says “I made a donation in your name” and call it a gift. A gift is something you made for me or picked out for me, shopping carefully, I would hope, spending a little time thinking about what I might like. And then, when I eat it or use it or wear it, I’ll flash on a memory of your thoughtfulness and smile.

You don’t have to give me a gift, I’ll like you anyway, but if you do, it should be a genuine one. A donation in my name may make you feel good (you discharged that gift obligation to me and did something good for someone else at the same time), but it is not a real gift. At its worst (and I’ve had some of the worst), it is to an organization I actually oppose rather than support, and puts me on their solicitation list forever.

Comments

[kate]

I'm with you. And what an awesome "revenge" idea, that one about donating to a cause that someone would hate!

:-)

[Veronica]

My aunt just sent my daughter a donation card and she loved it! She's 4 and my aunt donated enough money for a tree to be planted in her name. This is a great example of how you can give to a charity and make it meaningful. My aunt knows how much my lil one loves trees and the outdoors. Plus coming from her beloved Auntie, it couldn't have been better. I'll cherish that look on her face forever.

My dad's really hard to shop for, so one year I bought a goat from Heifer International for Christmas. It was that or another t-shirt he doesn't need.

Considering that I often find myself in a situation where I'm limited to a gift under $X, I find that giving to a charity that reflects the recipient to be much better than giving one more useless item.

[Kate]

Oooh. I stand corrected. I LOVE Heifer International! One of my favorite charities. And such a cool idea.

However, the concept of "spite giving" still makes me chortle. :-)

[Aunt Amy]

One way to donate to charity, and give a gift is to give a Kiva.org gift certificate. This lets the receiver give a small loan to an entrepreneurial person in a 3rd world country and track their progress and loan repayments. My nieces have enjoyed getting this gift (or at least they said they did) and have kept me posted on how their micro-loans are doing.

[Leslie]

Kate -- you'll love this one: When my ex-mother-in-law passed away (10 years after I divorced her physically abusive son) I sent a memorial donation in her name to the local battered women's shelter. I've chuckled many times picturing my ex and his equally abusive father getting the thank you and acknowledgement in the mail. LOL

[Pamela]

I am sort of disappointed that Barbara Walters said that. Giving to a charity ,that of course the recipient would approve,of is a great gift idea. My family chooses charities every year. I much rather have a donation given in my name than have another "thing" in my home.

[joannaas]

I would far rather have a donation in my name to a charity than another object, I actually find it a very thoughtful thing to do.

[Jill Asher]

I also find it extremely thoughtful to have a donation made in my name. My grandfather recently passed away, and some extended family memebers made a donation in his memory to a wonderful charity. I was beyond touched....

[Mom101]

When I was right out of school, and some of our company's vendors sent "donations in our name" for the holidays, I felt ripped off. But then, I was making like $4 a year and really counting on that baseball hat or hand lotion.

But now? I guess I've grown up. I think in the true spirit of the holidays, I'm comfortable with the idea that thoughtfulness can be simply inspired by me and not just for me.

Maybe instead of looking at some trinket and smiling with the memory, you can look at people eating at food kitchen, or a children's hospital wing, or a bald eagle soaring through an uncut forest and smile about that too.

[Adena]

I think most of us have enough "things" and that the idea of giving a donation is really nice. But I guess the key is knowing if the recipient feels the same.

[Tekla]

I wasn't saying I want more things. We've quite happily agreed to stop exchanging presents with various people and put the money we would have spent to helping others. I just find "wrapping up" a donation and calling it a present for a third party weird. But yeah, if the recipient has a favorite organization and you know that they would like to see you support that, go ahead. Personally, like Barbara, I'd rather you pick an organization that you like to support, go ahead and support it, and I'll do the same, and keep that separate from any exchanges between us (which I'd rather be a nice homemade banana bread than some trinket).

[Jessica (aka Rose)]

Oh I SO agree!
This bugs me SO SO much. It's never a charity I support, and a part of me can't ignore the fact that the gifter is getting a tax deduction out of the gift they are "giving" me!

If you REALLY want to give a donation instead of a gift, then at least have the courtesy to ask me what charity I endorse.

The only caveat I have is if someone knows that I've been busting my a** raising money for a charity... then maybe, maybe it's sweet that they cared.

Another time I find the "giving in my name" thing so so wrong is when couples do it in lieu of wedding favors. By all means, forgo the favors, definitely give donations, but please don't say that you gave $1 in my name. Shudder.

[Tiffany]

I am so with ya on that!

[nicole/wksocmom]

Bryant Unger had a great podcast on this "ungifting" method - hilarious

http://phobos.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=79683712&s=143441