Birth of a Liberal

I have been thinking about this election and how invested and involved I am in it, probably more so than any election since my first time as a voter. That was way back in 1980, when I was a sophomore at Barnard College in New York. Since it was my first time, I looked at the candidates carefully. I didn't consider myself a Democrat or a Republican. I was the product of a mixed marriage (dad's a Republican, mom's a Democrat). I liked Jimmy Carter as a person, but as a President, he fell short of expectation. With the Iranian Hostage Crisis, gas rationing, and all the economic problems of the late '70's, it seemed like someone else could do a better job.

The problem was, the alternative was even scarier. I remember watching a video of Ronald Reagan driving through the California countryside, pointing out the window and saying, "I expect that some day this could all be ashes...all be gone...if the Soviets get their way. We have to build up our nuclear arsenal to make sure that doesn't happen."

He was so calm, so matter-of-fact. He scared the crap out of me. He was basically saying, "We'd better get them, before they get us." The idea that this guy would be in charge of nuclear weapons, or even a water pistol, gave me nightmares.

The minister at my church remarked after one of the Reagan-Carter debates that it was like watching "the evil of two lessers." I could not have agreed with him more. I wanted so much to really believe in a candidate, to volunteer to help out, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it.

Another candidate appeared on the scene. He made sense to me. He was a former Republican congressman, a social liberal and fiscal conservative who became an independent candidate for President. His name was John Anderson.

I had pretty much decided that he was my guy, when one of my college classmates pointed out to me that he was taking votes away from Carter, which would lead to a Reagan victory. He noted that if Reagan got into office, I could kiss my government-subsidized student loans, my work-study job, and my Pell grants goodbye. Reagan was promising to cut all these "unnecessary social programs" in favor of building up the nuclear arsenal to kill Russians, according to my classmate.

Without those loans and grants, there was no way my blue collar family could afford to send me to college. I had visions of returning to my small hometown Ohio, and working at the check-out stand at Kroger's during the day and going to community college at night. I had nearly killed myself in high school to get into Barnard, so this was not exactly what I had in mind for my future.

Still, I was going to vote with principle, and held steadfast to my commitment to John Anderson.

Voting day finally arrived, and I was excited to be voting for the very first time, a voting virgin. I stepped boldly into the voting booth, and pulled the lever that shut the curtain behind me. I stared at the ballot for a long time. I started to sweat. The face of my classmate swirled in my head like a ghostly apparition..."You can kiss those student loans goodbye..." "No more Pell grants..."

I'm sure that elderly League of Women Voters volunteers outside the booth were probably wondering what the hell I was doing in there all this time. I thought I was going to be sick.

Finally, I made my decision.  Principle gave way to self-interest.  I voted for Carter.

In the end, my emotionally traumatic voting experience didn't matter that much. Ronald Reagan won, and I spent the next eight years going to protest rallies against pretty much every foreign policy decision he made, from the escalation of the nuclear arms race to US intervention in El Salvador to the covert war in Nicaragua. Standing up to Ronald Reagan made me a liberal and proud.

Twenty-eight years later, I'm still a liberal and still proud. I've voted in every election, every primary, and most local elections since then. Most of them are a blur, but as they say, "you never forget your first time."

Cross-posted at PunditMom, where Glennia had the honor of blog-sitting for a day.  You can find more of her progressive political commentary at MOMocrats.