The Baby Borrowers

There's a new reality show coming to NBC on June 25 called "The Baby Borrowers." The show originated in Europe on the BBC (and was apparently a big hit) and is, in the words of NBC, a "riveting social experiment where five teenage couples fast-track to parenthood." The premise of the show is that five teenage couples (between the ages of 16 and 19) get a chance to "practice" being mommies and daddies by struggling to cope with the demands of parenthood to see if they have what it takes to be parents. You can view a clip to meet the couples.

The show is filmed in Boise, idaho. Each teen couple is given a baby aged 6-11 months old for 3 days and must take care of this baby by themselves. NBC says the parents of the babies and nannies are available to step in, if necessary. After the 3 days are up, the teen couple then "receives" a toddler for 3 days, then a pre-teen, next a teenager, and finally an elderly person. All of this to "complete the cycle of life" in this social experiment with the teenagers.

Have we taken reality shows too far? The concept is great. I'm all for teaching teenagers the responsibilities of adulthood. But, taking them through an intense 3-week crash course of caring for children, teens, and elder adults seems to me to be overdoing it. But what really bothers me is the use of "donated" babies and toddlers. NBC was actually able to find parents who were willing to give their baby to these teenage couples for 72 hours straight. Babies and toddlers are far too young to be taken care of by complete strangers who don't know what they're doing for 3 days straight! I can't believe there are parents who would be willing to hand their babies over. It's hard enough for me to leave my 3-year-old children (let alone when they were babies) with anyone for more than a couple of hours, especially someone they don't know. But even if they did know the person, like my best friend who cares for them sometimes for a couple hours at a time, unless it was an emergency I would not be able to leave them with her for 3 days in a row. And everyone knows infants go through a stranger anxiety stage and toddlers go through a separation anxiety stage. Can you imagine what this must be like for them?

In an open letter to NBC, Jan Hunt, M.Sc., Director of the Natural Child Project wrote the following:

"Sudden removal from their parents and placement with strangers for long periods of time is from a baby's point of view no different than a kidnapping. It has been well-established that babies who suddenly lose their primary caregiver can quickly go into mourning and emotional depression. They have no sense of time and no way to know that they will ever be returned to the only family they have known. They will inevitably express their fear and confusion in the only way they can, with tears, screams, and regressive behavior. Will their cries and behavior be understood and respected by teenagers with little or no experience with babies and their critical need for compassion and reassurance? I fear not, because anyone who understands the potential for the lifelong repercussions of such a situation would never participate in this type of show."

Local county officials where the BBC show is filmed were so concerned about the risk of physical and psychological damage to the children that they urged the BBC to cancel the show, but to no avail. Apparently, one 10-year-old went all day without food because the teenage couple taking care of him "forgot" to feed him. Um, where were the parents standing by?!

I'm all for reality shows. In fact, I find them more entertaining than sitcoms now. But have we gotten to the point of using children as props for entertainment purposes? Young children and babies cannot speak for themselves. All they can do is cry. And then what happens when the baby or toddler is crying because they want to go home? And then they get on the teenagers' nerves? What about the comfort the baby/child is used to getting at home? Only a baby's mother knows what feels most comforting to her baby. Not to mention the fact that babies and toddlers are comforted by their mother's smell and voice.

I don't know what's going to happen with this reality show. It will probably be a big hit just because it's controversial (like The Swan). And I am not sure why the BBC was able to get away with filming a show like this with underage children when the chairman of the Norfolk Local Safeguarding Children Board and local county officials decried the use of babies and children on the show, but I'm hoping NBC will not be able to get away with it. They could just as easily recruit teenagers who already have babies and toddlers in their families and let them take care of them. Why does it have to be babies from strangers? Even if a baby or toddler knows you as part of his family, that doesn't mean he's going to lessen his cries for attention or his temper tantrums (as we all know...). But at least he won't be scared and confused about living with complete strangers for 3 days!

Original post on Silicon Valley Moms Blog.

Other places where Cheryl writes:
New Mom Central
50-something Moms Blog
Betty Confidential
type-a mom
Gemini Crickets Blog

Comments

[Nicole/wksocmom]

Wow, I can't imagine... before I even read the rest of your post I had the same thoughts. I've left my kids overnight with my parents since they were pretty young and with babysitters who I barely knew (but came recommended :) for a few hours, so I think I'm on the less cautious side, but this, unless it was a relative or something, I cannot imagine. Well, perhaps if they were willing to provide future college tuition or something...:)

[Neela]

The worst part will be when the show becomes a huge hit in the US as it has elsewhere. Do we not have any moral standards anymore? What vicarious pleasure is there to be had watching these shows?

[Jennic]

OMFG. This is so wrong, on so many levels, as you and Jan Hunt go onto explain some of the issues.

I do not find this to be entertaining or educational, even if both sides of the party agrees. The babies and toddlers certainly did NOT consent to the setup. Children are not commodities or props and should not be used as such. They should be loved and cared for, by people they know and are familiar with. Children are not things.

And, these teenagers are still children themselves! FORGOT to feed a 10yr old?!

[Leslie]

Why don't they just use Baby Think it Overs? Anyone ever heard of them? They are computerized babies that are used to simulate caring for an infant. (Kinda like they used in the movie License to Wed).

[Cheryl Wenzel/New Mom Central]

P.S. You can address any comments/feedback about your concerns for the show to:

Mr. Jeffrey Zucker
President
NBC Entertainment
3000 W. Alameda Avenue
Burbank, CA 91523

[Jan Hunt]

The letter I sent to NBC was returned to me today - I'm not sure why, because the Burbank address was given to me by NBC, and Jeffrey Zucker does have an office there.

I just called NBC again and was told to resend my letter to this address:

NBC Viewer Relations
30 Rockefeller Plaza
New York, NY 10112

Sorry for this mix-up!

We've corrected the address on our website. My letter is at http://www.naturalchild.org/jan_hunt/baby_borrowers.html

Jan

__________________
Jan Hunt, M.Sc., Director, The Natural Child Project
www.naturalchild.org