Banging Heads Over Bangs

It started about a month ago when my daughter's bangs needed to be trimmed, which I do about every six weeks. I happened to see a picture with a group of girls my daughter's age and noticed none of them had bangs, which got me to start looking around and I found that not many little girls seem to have bangs anymore. How did I miss the trend? Are bangs the new mullet?

Clover's bangs grew long enough to hang in front of her eyes as I mulled over what to do. I asked my friends why their daughters did not have bangs and most answered that it was an upkeep issue - either they couldn't keep them short enough or they feared cutting the hair at a disastrously embarrassing angle. Some delicately said that while bangs work for Clover, they don't like the look in general. Clover wanted to keep her bangs, yet she hates standing still long enough for me to trim them and this is also a girl who regularly wears clashing outfits of plaid and stripes, so I don't know how much weight I should give her opinion. Yes, it is her hair, but if I have the power to stop her from making a faux pas, shouldn't I exercise it?

Letting Clover's bangs grow presents two problems: Clover hates to wear her hair up, so at least the bangs prevent her hair from getting in her eyes; and her hair is like mine, which is very straight and naturally parting in the middle. The straight hair parted down the middle look peaked in the early 1970s, not that it would matter because my daughter could end up looking more like Cousin Itt if she continued to refuse putting her hair back.

I decided to let them grow out, but that I wouldn't say anything about them and with that, Clover has not complained once about her bangs growing more and more into her field of vision, giving her an English Sheepdog look. Then the hot weather hit last week, Clover was suddenly open to having her hair braided, which seemed to highlight her long bangs. I watched her wipe them to the side as they clung to her sweaty forehead and it was then that I decided to let her keep the bangs. Her happiness and comfort matter more than whether bangs are in or out of style. I told her the good news. She was right and I would trim her bangs so they looked like bangs once again. "What?" she responded. "I like them like this!"

The shaggy bangs remain and she refuses to wear a headband to hold them back. The experience is no longer about bangs, but more about the push and pull, back and forth, give and take that mark mother-daughter relationships. I'm sure this is only the first of many instances where we will disagree on something and I will change my mind, only to discover we still disagree.

Original Silicon Valley Moms Blog post. When not obsessing over minutia, Kimberly also blogs at Tippy Toes and Tantrums.