MySpace, Facebook, Yahoo IM - How Do Parents Eavesdrop Anymore?

Back in the day of the dinosaur, when I was a teen growing up in the 70's, a ringing telephone was an event that involved the entire family. For a long time our home only had one phone, attached by a cord to the kitchen wall. With three boys in the house, if a girl called, everyone knew.

"David!" my brother would yell. "It's your girlfriend."

I'd stretch the cord over the kitchen counter and huddle next to a cupboard where I'd whisper sweet nothings into the receiver, hoping no one but my girlfriend could overhear. My parents sat smug with the knowledge that they actually had a clue about our lives.

Times have changed.

The house my kids and I live in sports a wireless landline, two cell phones, and two laptops...

...equipped with internet browsers, webcams, and various instant messaging utilities like Yahoo IM, all serviced by a wireless modem. Communication between my teenage daughter and her friends is carried out in stealth mode.

That would be Stealth with a capital S, which rhymes with Clueless, and that stands for Dad.

With so much technology, how does a parent eavesdrop anymore? At any time of day or night, my daughter might receive a text message on her cell phone. She keeps the ringer on vibrate so I don't even know when a communiqué comes in, unless I see her checking. And even then, I have no idea who she's texting with or what they're talking about.

Last night, for instance, just before bedtime she was in her room listening to iTunes play on her laptop. I figured she was finishing up homework. Nope, she was typing away at the keyboard with a friend's Facebook page onscreen.

"Sweetheart, it's bedtime," I said.
"Okay," she said. She zipped off a few more keystrokes, then closed the laptop.
As I tucked her into bed, her cell phone rattled on the desk announcing receipt of a text message. We both stared at the vibrating phone. She seemed tempted.
"You can answer that in the morning," I said.

I don't begrudge her sneaking in conversations with friends. I certainly had my share of late-night phone calls when I was a teen. But at least my parents knew when I was doing it, and who I was doing it with.

With MySpace and Facebook, kids can put pictures, text, videos, and music online, securing it all so only their friends can see. With email, instant messaging, and cell phone texting, they can communicate without parents ever knowing.

My daughter understands online safety concerns, so I'm not worried about that. She's a good student with nice friends, which I'm happy and grateful for. She even texts me, so I don't feel totally disconnected. (Does her texting me from the bathroom when I'm in the kitchen count as healthy parent-child interaction? I chuckle and say, Absolutely!)

I just wish I could occasionally listen in to her private conversations. Even snippets would give me a glimpse of what her life outside our home is actually like.

Where's Big Brother when you need him?

Original Silicon Valley Moms Blog post. David Mott authors the blog Dad's House - Dating and Parenting as a Single Dad.