Talking to testosterone

I live in a household of all men-except me. The positives of this arrangement are that I can decorate the house/change furniture, etc.. any old way and they wouldn't notice. Red walls-ok? No problem. Paintings on black velvet-who cares?  (Ugh-went for shock value on that one)

In essence, they only notice if the TV is obstructed or stuff is in "their room" (i.e. our sons) is messed with. In general, as long as there is food and extra rolls of toilet paper handy, they're fine. The food had to be good stuff, though. Anything from Whole Foods probably will not be touched-which is a bone of contention with me since they both have celiac disease like me. Keep feeding your little people healthy stuff by all means..but don't believe the propaganda that says that that will insulate them from becoming occasional junk food junkies. Stuff happens when they grow up. Brain wiring gets un Mom-ized.

The part that is frustrating to me is the fact that men..don't..talk. I mean, talk like I do. Give me the details in living color, please. I want to know the setting, the smells, the colors-I want an image. If I even muttered this "I want an image" line they would probably look at me like I was insane. Whaddinhelldoyamean? I know there have been a myriad of books written on the linguistic differences

between men and women-the whole Mars-and Venus school of thought. Which I agree with. However, it never becomes more apparent-those differences-as you find yourself trying to figure out the cryptic one word answers from a 16 year old when asked how his day has been.

"Hi hon, how was school?" "Fine-I'm gonna go over Greg's" ""Well..did you talk to the Spanish teacher?"
"No. Bye Mom." This is typical of (one of the more) innocuous exchanges. The "conversations" involving a girlfriend or friendship are even more convoluted. There is an unspoken three question rule, it seems. You can delve into three questions on the same topic before the ice chill leave-me-alones set in.
The last minute or nonchalant bombs are the worst.  "A" called me from college one night to say "Hi Mom I'm here in Health Services and they said I have pneumonia. Bye."

AAUUGGHH. I then called him back and told him that if he wasn't going to come home for a few days I would fly to him, drag him out of his dorm, and make him come home to Momma. (He came home. Recovered. He's fine)

The last minute ones of "Could you proof this paper for me its due in an hour?" are fun. (This is usually asked of me at 6 a.m. when I am barely awake.) Depends on the bitchiness factor of the moment as to whether or not I will be helpful..I know, I know..natural consequences are the best. Make 'em tough it out and learn. I do that sometimes. And sometimes I am soft. Aren't we all? Isn't it just a balancing act between being bone wrenching tired and stressed and holding your ground? We can't always live our life by the books. Whose book is it anyways?

Spousal lack of communication usually involves phone messages."Someone called last night."
"Really-who?" "Don't know - she'll call back." And so it goes, I have warned my friends that if a male answers the phone to call back if she doesn't hear from me in a day or so. I don't even venture into the territory of dissecting a social exchange/prickly family  encounter or the like with my husband.  Lets be frank, he probably didn't notice the vibe I picked up. I have my vibe detector always on, darn it. Sometimes its just tiring. Oh to be a male and unaware of social drama-nice for a day maybe?

I learn a lot from my sons female friends. They are ripe with stories about the goings on of the crowd my son runs with. Teen girls are are a great source of scoop. Is this pitiful spying? Well.. tell me you wouldn't do the same from time to time. I have learned to stop the great inquisitions. Car time is great for chat. Let it flow. Stop when the attitude starts. If I want a chatfest, I call my friends. I just hope they both grow up in time enough to not lay "Oh hi mom, hey, we are getting married tomorrow-thought you may want to come."

Original Silicon Valley Moms Blog post