Tantric Sex

My introduction to tantric sex came on a post-divorce vacation in Hawaii. I met a woman, we had a fling, simple as that. (Aloha spirit is a very good thing.) Of course, as a traveler hoping to leave my mainland worries behind, I expected the sex to be great. But this was beyond belief.

"How did you do that?" I asked her.
"Do what?" she said.
"Fill me up and completely surround me with feminine energy, all at once."
"That's tantra."

Sign me up.

Forget what Sting and Trudie would have you believe, tantric sex need not involve yogic contortions or levitations.

All it takes is presence and intention for two spirits to mingle and dance as one.

When I returned to Silicon Valley, with tantra on my radar I stumbled across a flyer stapled to a Palo Alto telephone pole. For the price of a massage, I could learn the basics of tantra with a certified tantrika. Perfect. (This one-on-one session sounded so much better than a tantric group seminar where I might get paired with someone as old as my mother. They say when two spirits join in ecstasy, age doesn't matter, right? Um... right.)

This tantrika taught white tantra, the kind that doesn't involve having sex. Fair enough, red-tantric intimacy is probably best left to lovers and wayward travelers. She had me start with some breathing exercises. Deep breathing. Heartfelt breathing. Inward-looking breathing. We moved to vocalizing the exhalation, reminding me there are sounds that shouldn't be uttered even in orgasm.

As the tantrika and I sucked in the breath of life and ushered out an ecstatic energy, her housemate came home with an eco-friendly sack of Whole Foods groceries, headed to the kitchen and proceeded to noisily put them away. Talk about a mood killer. I left thinking my whole Hawaiian experience was less tantra and more exactly what I needed to help me get over my divorce.

Years later, a rotator cuff injury brought me to a reiki master for healing. (Reiki is energy healing, and for the record, this reiki master did such wonders on my shoulder that I went and learned reiki myself. I'm now a master practitioner.)

Turns out the reiki master was also a tantrika. (Where do I find these women?) After working on my shoulder, she took me through a white tantric breathing exercise. No housemates this time. Plus, she actually knew what she was doing. While I focused on breathing and raising my sexual energy, she opened my crown chakra using energy healing techniques, unleasing a universal torrent from above.

Let's just say, when your own energy is rising and you simultaneously feel a wave of energy crashing down through the top of your head, the intermixing forces wash through your entire body, and you suddenly understand what full a body orgasm is all about. Blissful. Other-worldly. And to think we kept our clothes on. (Damn that white tantra.)

Needless to say, my radar is now up for a red-tantric partner. Any volunteers?

Original Silicon Valley Moms Blog post. David Mott authors the blog Dad's House - Dating and Parenting as a Single Dad.