The second child gets the shaft

As mother's day approaches, I will be celebrating being a mother of two.  My first mother's day, BooBoo was two weeks old.  This mother's day, she will be three and Giggles will be 8 months old.  I was looking at all the things I have collected in boxes for each girl from their birth which will some day (probably never) go into a scrapbook.  BooBoo's is the size of a medium sized moving box.  Giggle's is about the size of a shoebox.  I have been thinking about it for awhile, and you know the second child really gets the shaft.  I can say this as a second child myself.  It isn't just the hand me downs of clothes and toys.  It's everything. 

When I was pregnant with BooBoo, it was this enormous celebration as my belly grew.  Getting ready for baby became a major focus.  There were excessive baby showers, planning of announcements, last "just a couple" trips and a general sense of hoopla.  Nana knitted a special blanket for her and a great aunt created a gorgeous quilt that arrived within days of her birth.  With the second pregnancy came a growing belly while chasing a toddler but an absence of celebration. Either I was too tired to focus on it or just to busy.  We had a second baby shower post birth (long story) but other than that it was more about getting the family transitioned than focusing on Giggles.

Giggles, gets dragged around to whatever is going on with the first child, BooBoo, regardless of nap time, etc.  She sleeps in cars, strollers, at classes, etc. and when she just can't stand it any more, she will pass out on my lap wherever we are.  Activities center around BooBoo.  She can talk, she can walk, she can DEMAND!  We do what BooBoo wants and integrate Giggles into it.  A friend of mine and mother of 4, count them, 4 boys (AAACKKK) was telling me how her youngest gets attention in the morning while all the others are in school and then it is afternoons being dragged to baseball practice, swimming lessons, etc. to watch the older brothers.  Thus is the life of the second (and third and fourth...) child.

Giggles is pretty flexible, thank god, but bummer for her.  When she is walking and talking will she get more attention?  Does she get enough?  Guilt is the norm for me, so I do feel sad I don't have more one on one time with her, but t she gets different attention.  She may not get the hoopla but she gets a little person like her who she thinks is the best thing ever.  And she gets parents who are much more laid back with her than they were with the first child.  The anxiety level is greatly diminished.  Is it so bad being the second one?  Sometimes, absolutely!  But I bet every first child thinks that about their baby sister or brother, too. 

So as we celebrate being moms, a quick thank you to our moms who loved us even those of us who came second.

Original Silicon Valley Moms Blog post