Calling All Matchmakers

At a friend's pot-luck dinner party, while the other men were outside talking sports, I was in the kitchen with the women discussing recent bestsellers. Suffice to say, I was charming them out of their pants and skirts.

They were thrilled I'd read and enjoyed many of the same books they adored, like Tom Perrotta's The Abstinence Teacher, Ian McEwan's Atonement. Even more impressed that I actually had something to say. Apparently, the men in their lives didn't often read, and when they did their chosen topics were more likely Embezzle, Spy, Kill than Eat, Pray, Love.

"If I was single," one of the women said to me, "I'd snatch you up in a heartbeat. You're a keeper!"

And there lies the rub - all these women were married.

As a single dad, I know dating is complicated. I refuse to put my kids on a relationship roller-coaster ride. But I also know coupling up isn't impossible. In eight years of divorce, two of my dating relationships got serious enough to introduce those women to my children.

The hard part is meeting someone who fits into and accepts my instant family. 

Oh, I've tried the usual suspects - online dating (it doesn't work; chemistry is something felt in-person in the blink of an eye, not articulated through checkboxes and online prose), coffee houses (too many people staring at laptops, cell phones, and blackberries), bars (nice ones in fancy restaurants; but alas, women rarely venture there unescorted), supermarkets, running trails, century cycling rides, even the Apple store. Random meet-ups are rare.

"Anyone know someone single?" I asked. "I could use some matchmaking help."

"Matchmaking!" one of the women at the party exclaimed. "You don't need our help. You've read Eckhart Tolle! My husband's too self-absorbed to even try to be self-aware. Women must flock to you!."

Sigh. Truth is, of the five serious relationships I've enjoyed post-divorce, four were with women I met through friends - one at a dinner party, one at a neighborhood block party, one at a birthday party, one as an arranged blind date. Meeting through friends builds trust and respect up front. You're more prone to give the other person a serious look.

"Who made the lentil pasta?" one of the women asked. "It's to die for!"
"I did," I said.
Swoon. "Where were guys like David when I was dating?" she asked.

Calling all moms. There are single parents in your community who need help being set up. Be a matchmaker. Have fun with it. Don't stress if the match doesn't work out. You won't be blamed. And chances are, if the two people you're setting up are attractive, educated, and have even one hobby or interest (besides parenting) in common, the blind meeting will surely lead to a second date.

Now then, who wants their pants and skirts back?

This is an original Silicon Valley Moms Blog post. David Mott authors the blog Dad's House - Dating and Parenting as a Single Dad.