Where are the mothers in the princess fairy tales?

My daughter is the typical princess-in-the-making girlie-girl. She doesn't get that from me, I can tell you that! I was not a girlie-girl, I was a "tom-boy" as they called it "back in the day." But I'm rather enjoying watching a girlie-girl grow up (and maybe living a little bit vicariously through her little-princess eyes).

I'm learning that a princess-girl LOVES all things princessy: dresses, dance shoes, princess books, princess balloons, princess shirts, towels, phones, and so on and so on. But her favorite thing by far is watching the princess DVDs. And, of course, I've been watching them with her (doing my parental duty of monitoring what she watches...yea, that's it... :). So, I'm getting to re-read/listen to all the princess stories, along with some new ones that weren't around when I was growing up.

 

 

 

After watching a few of these stories I suddenly realized that none of these stories/tales/movies have a mother in the plot. Well, actually, I think one of them, Sleeping Beauty, has a mother figure, but she only plays a "chameo" role. In every single one of these stories, there is no mother! Nay, not even a mention of a mother in many of them! Or there is a wicked stepmother. But there is always a father. In fact, in The Swan Princess (Disney; adapted from “Swan Lake” ballet by Tchaikozsky) the story starts out with "The King wanted an heir...then one day a baby was born...he named her Odette." No mention of a mother, or even a Queen, at all! It's as if he gave birth himself, or some woman somewhere had a baby and just gave it to him!

So I found myself wondering...how can that be? I mean, you have to have a mother to give birth to you or you wouldn't be alive. So how could the mother just be gone...invisible...nonexistent in these fairy tales. It's kind of creepy, really. As a mother of a daughter, I find myself wondering about these poor little girls, princesses though they may be, without mothers. It's sad. But what's even sadder is that I didn't notice this sooner, even when I was a little girl and reading Snow White and Cinderella. In the back of my mind I remember wondering where the girl's mother was or what happened to her, but then I just kept reading and forgot about it.

Princess stories/movies are on the rise. There are contemporary princesses such as Jasmine and Ariel, but these stories also leave out the mother--only a father.

Here are some of the most popular princess stories that girls watch today, in case you don't have a girlie-girl or are a father and don't watch/read them.

Cinderella (The Little Glass Slipper) - Her mother is noted as being the best "creature" in the world, implying that she was a good woman. We must assume she died because there is no mention of any details. The story begins with Cinderella's father marrying a new wife, her wicked stepmother.

The Little Mermaid (Disney adapted from Hans Christian Anderson) - The story begins with Ariel and her father, King Triton. No mention is made of her mother at all (although there is mention of her grandmother who raised her and her princess sisters).

Sleeping Beauty (Walt Disney) - The story begins with "King Stefan and his Queen wanted a child and a daughter was born to them." That's the last you hear of her mother. Everything parental from there on out is ascribed to her father.

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs (Brothers Grimm) - The story starts out with Snow White's wicked stepmother who was envious of her beauty and hated her (although there is a version of her mother being the one hating her, but our little girls are reading the books and watching the DVDs of the stepmother hating her because she's beautiful. Again, we (and our daughters) must presume the mother died because there is no mention of what happened to her. She simply "vanishes."

Princess Jasmine (Aladdin story) - There is only a DVD version available of this story from what I can tell. The Princess Jasmine story is a spin-off from the Aladdin story.  In the Princess version, the scene opens up with Jasmine talking to her father about wanting to do something more important than sit for portraits. He finds other things for her to do and, once again, there is no mention of her mother until almost the middle of the film when her father tells her that her "late" mother used to be able to ride the wild stallion who has gone missing. He reminisces about how proud he was of her mother and then that's it.

Mulan (Disney) - Mulan, in an effort to protect her father, intercepts his draft notice and joins an all-male army. Mother plays a very brief role.

Beauty and the Beast - A merchant lived with his 3 daughters. When he became trapped by the Beast, his youngest daughter, Belle, took his place. Absolutely no mention of her mother at all.

I can understand the old fairy tales omitting the mother because, let's face it, women were not important in those days, except to provide the men with heirs, so I guess the male authors of the old fairy tales, like the Brothers Grimm and Hans Christian Anderson figured why bother mentioning the mothers at all? But there is no excuse for princess fairy tales or movies produced, or even re-produced, nowadays not to have a mother in them. And not just as an "honorable mention," either, but as real live role models and loving figures to these girls.

What worries me the most with my daughter watching these fairy tales is that her little mind will not give a second thought to the fact that the mother is blatantly missing from these girls' lives--that she is so unimportant (or passive) that she doesn't even warrant a role in her own daughter's daring, courageous, and risky adventure into womanhood. I want my daughter to think of me, and mothers in general, as trustworthy, loving, and reliable figures who young girls can go to for wisdom and safety.

I wonder...if a mother was present and "real" in those fairy tales, what kind of advice would they have given to their daughters. In Sleeping Beauty, the tale goes that the father hid her in the woods to protect her from the evil sorceress. Would her mother have done the same thing? In Beauty and the Beast, Belle takes the place of her father who is being held captive by the Beast, and the father goes home. Would her mother have gone home? Or would she have found another way to save her daughter and her husband? Would Jasmine's mother have understood her plea to have more important work and found a way to place her in a position of power, rather than in the traditional role of teacher?

And what kind of mothers might these Queens be? Strong and courageous? or passive and weak? You have to wonder where the daughter gets her strength, such as Mulan and Belle. It's hard to say since the stories /movies were written by men.

I'm not forgetting that some of these stories show a brave girl growing up into a courageous and strong woman, such as Mulan and Jasmine. And Disney seems to think that they're doing a favor to little girls by creating such strong-minded, capable, and independent princesses. But you can't leave a girl's mother out of the picture and have her only role model be her father and/or a wicked stepmother. That's doing a disservice to girls and mothers everywhere. Not to mention that it doesn't reflect reality.

AS for now, I guess I have to be the one to explain to my daughter that the mother is missing from the princess' life because.........I guess I'll have to come up with something. Maybe Disney could make their next princess movie with the mother smack dab in the middle of things like she should be when it comes to her daughter and save me the trouble of having to explain such a glaring omission.

Original post on Silicon Valley Moms Blog.

Cheryl also writes at:
New Mom Central
Betty Confidential
Type-A Mom
50-something Moms Blog