Consider Yourself Dumped!

It was the early 1980's. I was in seventh grade.  Science class just got out, and I walked into the hallway with my girlfriends.  Just as I stepped into the hall, my boyfriend , Bobby Watt, screamed out to me, "Consider Yourself DUMPED."  Yes, right in front of all my friends.  Right in front of all his friends.

The hallway went silent.  The stares turned my way.

Mortified.  I was simply mortified and I prayed to the heavens above that floor the below me would open up and carry me away to a different place.  Any place other than the spot I was standing.  Heck, HELL would have been better than my "dumping" ground.

Ah yes, dear Bobby Watt thought that our seventh grade courtship must end.  Remember those days of "going out" which really meant, he says:  "Jill, will you go with me?".  I say "sure".  From then on, we are known through our circle of friends as boyfriend and girlfriend.  We never really make eye contact because we are both too embarrassed.  We don't spend any "alone" time together, because we don't really know what to say.  Meaningful conversations don't exist, because seventh grade girls and seventh grade boys are at the awkward stage of life.  Kissing?   French kissing? NO WAY!  ICK!!! But some how, everyone knew we were a couple.  Bobby and Jill.  They were going-out!!!

Then those three awful words:  "CONSIDER YOURSELF DUMPED!"  In front of OUR world, he makes the asshole bold move of BREAKING UP WITH ME FOR NO REASON AT ALL! 

I am crushed.  I am devastated, I am humiliated, mortified and embarrassed beyond words.

I am not really sure what I saw in Mr. Bobby Watt.  Yes, he was cute.  I think he was part of the "popular" crowd and played sports.  I don't really remember him being very smart.  Looking back, I actually think he was dumb as a door knob, but who is really keeping track?  No, not this scorn woman of, uh.... almost forty.

Since Mr. Watt, I have learned to accept rejection.  I have been passed over for jobs, I have been "dumped" by other guys through my dating career and have had my fair share of let downs in life.  But most recently, I had a dozy.

For a few months, I was being courted to join the board of a local, silicon valley non-profit.  It was during the time that my work and personal life was pretty much in shambles, but I agreed to learn more about their project.  I attended meeting after meeting and started to become really excited about this group.  So much, that I created a spreadsheet with ALL the ways I could improve their fund-raising and social networking efforts.  I had dreams of ways I could help bring awareness to this group and became passionate about their cause.  I even talked to a few friends about becoming donors and/or submitting proposals for their organizations.  Heck, i was working it!

My best friend yelled at me  and said that I did not have the time and energy to join a non profit board. 

My husband was annoyed.  "One more project that will take you away from the family?  One more (unpaid) meeting you will have to attend at night?  One more activity that will suck up all you time and energey?" I assured him that I would do this while the children were in school and that this would NOT affect my consulting work.  I promised and somehow finally convinced him that this would be incredibly enriching for me and our family!

So after months and months of courtship and hours of meeting with their team, I got the call. 

Rejected.  I was rejected. 

A bunch of reasons were given, but the only thing I could think of was good ol' Bobby Watt.  The one person who dumped me in front of my community of friends.  Twenty-something years later, I am being rejected again by a community of my peers.  The courtship was dreamy while it lasted, but for some reason, I was passed over for someone with more relevant experience.  I felt like an insecure, middle school girl dumped by her pimply-faced boyfriend.

Coming from the world of Human Resources, I have been on the side of rejecting applicants.  I have sat in the "hot seat" where I had to let someone go  from a company.  I have been in meetings when a company is downsizing and we have to decide who to terminate.  I have done the "rejecting". 

But to be on the receiving end?  I should have been prepared. Ouch, it hurts.....

I have had some time to look back.  I always try to find the positive in everything.  In this case, I did learn about an organization that is doing fantastic work in our community.  I know that someday, I may be given a second chance to help.  Though the reality?  Would I really want to put my time and energy into a group that passed me over for someone else?  Obviously, I was passed over for a good reason.... right?  But gosh, what a blow to my ego.

The silver lining....I am now being asked to join a different board, and one with less time commitment.... and one that really wants me.  The ego is now feeling a little better. 

Take that, Bobby Watt!

Jill Asher is the Co-Founder of Silicon Valley Moms Group.  When not running this collaborative community, Jill MAY be asking all her friends to help out with her favorite non-profit projects.  Who knows, she may even blog about it!