Toy Manufacturers Should Be in Charge of Homeland Security

This was my fantasy before becoming a parent on how it would be to give my kids toys:
1. Take the toy out of the shopping bag (or present gift-wrapped toy)
2. Show them the toy...enjoy the excited happy look on their faces
3. Open it
4. Give it to them and watch contentedly as they play with it

The reality:
1. Take the toy out of the shopping bag (or present gift-wrapped toy)--in this case a truck for my son

2. Show him the toy...enjoy the excited happy look on his face
3. Try to open the packaging with bare hands...FAIL..gigantic 2x4 tape everywhere
4. Try to peel off tape with bare hands...FAIL...go into the kitchen to get a knife
5. Slice knife through tape...feel a rush of adrenaline....YES!!! I GOT IT!!!
6. Try to take the toy out of the package...FAIL...twist ties are everywhere...watch my son's expression turn to confusion and annoyance as he looks at me as if to say, "Can't you open a simple little toy package, Mom?"
7. Untwist, retwist, untwist again trying to find the exact right combination to undo the tied up, knotted up twisted up, sadistically wound tie
8. Manage to untie "twisted" twist ties...try to pull them out of the packaging to release the toy....FAIL...twist ties not only go through the packaging but through the toy, as well. And I'm talking deep inside the bowels of the toy....WHERE NO HUMAN FINGERS CAN REACH (maybe Wally could undo them)...tugging serves no useful purpose...go into kitchen to get pliers
9. Take out my frustration on the twist ties and YANK the damn things out with the pliers! Arghhhh!...there are 4 of these demonic plastic wiry ties!
10. Sigh with relief and try to pull the truck out of the plastic base...FAIL...this toy truck is screwed into a plastic base!!!...go into kitchen to get phillips screw driver
11. Unscrew 3 screws...pull truck out...try to get a grip on my seething anger as I imagine someone at the toy factory smiling gleefully as they tighten each twist tie and fasten each screw.
12. Finally, after twenty minutes of tortured unpackaging...I give the friggin toy to my child!

I'm exhausted just going through the procedure in my mind as I write this post! Seriously! I can get through airport and border guard security easier than I can extract a toy from it's packaging. And trying to get these toys out of their packaging at birthdays or Christmas while your child sits there with an expression on his face that goes from joy and awe that you purchased this amazing thing for him to confusion and terror that you might never get it out of the packaging really takes the fun out of any occasion. (I know, we should be grateful we can afford to buy a toy at all and yes, children should learn how to handle frustration and tolerance...but maybe they could get a break on birthdays and Christmas...)

I have been trying since my children were old enough for anything other than a stuffed animal to understand why toys are packaged so securely (that's 3 years!). But I'm really having a hard time. I mean, the toys are very cheaply made, so it's not as if they're valuable and need protective security devices. And if someone were to steal the toy, they wouldn't take it out of the packaging first so it's not like it deters theft. They would pick it up and walk out of the store. Oh wait...there are security cameras everywhere so highly unlikely these days. Hmmm...what else might the reason be....the only thing I can think of is to torture parents! Somebody designing the packaging for these toys isn't a parent and hates all parents! or all kids!

Honestly. I would feel so much safer if toy manufacturers were in charge of homeland security. Can someone get right on this?

Oh...and did I mention...I had to buy a "protection plan" for my son's truck to ensure it would last 18 months instead of just 4 months.........he's only 3.5 years old.

Original post on Silicon Valley Moms Blog.

Cheryl also writes at:
Becoming a Mother
50-something Moms Blog
Type-A Mom
Betty Confidential