Will Ref For Gas

Like a lot of girls, my daughter has been playing soccer since she was five. She's good at it. She's now sixteen (about the same age as Miley Cyrus) and a leader on a competitive club team that consistently wins league and tournament championships. It's clear she loves the sport - so much so that a few years back she decided to become a referee.

She took a class, passed the test, and received her referee license from the same organization that officiates World Cup play. She enjoys running games for younger kids and loves the depth with which she now understands the rules of the beautiful game. This knowledge also helped her confidence and strategic thinking as a player.

Oh, and the $20 she makes each game is pretty nice, too.

The problem is, after refereeing a good handful of games over the years, she soured on the prospect of more. They need refs, and she's good at it, but it's pulling teeth to get her to sign up. What happened?

Sideline parents. That's what happened.  Even at the younger aged games with eight-year-olds running around the field, some sideline parents were yelling at the refs.

That's a handball, ref!
Ref, you missed an offside!
Hey ref, call it both ways!

Through her years of playing, my daughter had trained herself to ignore such catcalls and criticism. She and her teammates never yell at the ref. Doing so can turn into a yellow or red card offense. Plus, it's disrespectful. If they are playing and disagree with a call, they wait for a break in the action then one of them will ask the ref to explain his or her interpretation of the questionable play. Sometimes, like in the case of a team doing offside traps, asking a ref to take a harder look can encourage different calls next time a similar play occurs.

When refereeing, my daughter stuck to the sidelines as an assistant. She knew that the brunt of criticism hurled from parents was typically directed at the center ref. Last season she twice witnessed just how bad it can be. (I attended both games and can vouch for the ugliness. But please know, these were isolated incidents - most of the games we attend, the parents and coaches are very well behaved!)

In one game, parents peppered the center referee for calls that went against their team to the point the ref halted action and told the coach to quiet the sidelines or forfeit the game. In another match, the coach (a man in his forties) screamed at the referee (a teenage boy) so much that the ref halted play and red-carded the coach. A red card means you're out of the game, so this teenage ref sent the middle-aged coach off the field and away from the sidelines, out to the parking lot to stew alone.  (To his credit, after the game the coach calmed down and apologized to the referee.)

What kind of message did that coach and those parents think they were teaching their eight-year-old players? 

I guess it's no wonder my daughter wants to stop refereeing to avoid nasty confrontations like that. After those incidents, if she never refs a game again, I won't mind. So it surprised me when she decided to renew her referee license and sign up for games this fall.

"I thought you were done refereeing," I said.
"I was," she said. "But gas prices are so high, I kind of need the money."

Ah, what a teenager will do to drive...

This is an original Silicon Valley Moms Blog post. David Mott authors the blog Dad's House - Dating and Parenting by a Single Dad.