RSVP Does Not Mean "If You Wish"

It's so ingrained in our culture that one doesn't have to understand a lick of French to know what RSVP means. Répondez, s'il vous plaît is a polite request that the invitee let the party host if they will be coming or not. It sounds so simple, but after hosting several kids' birthday parties, it seems that stronger language may be needed because many people view responding as suggestion. More commonly, RSVP seems to be translated as "call if you want, when you have nothing better to do" or "it's cool if you let me know 30 minutes before the party."

Wedding responses were bad - a reply card would come back indicating six people would be attending when only one was invited - but on the bright side, I should be happy they responded. Wedding invitations are generally an easy response as it usually only involves checking a box and sliding the card into a little stamped and addressed envelope. Trying to make it easier for everyone while encouraging more responses, I sent out electronic invitations for my daughter's birthday for the first time recently. What could be easier than an Evite response, I asked myself, it only takes a second to click yes or no. I'll get almost all of the responses, for sure! Sometimes my naivete even surprises me.

There are some people who aren't going to RSVP no matter how easy the process and there are people who may need a subscription to Martha Stewart Living, the ones who just don't think it's important to give an answer. What I love about electronic invites is the ability to see that the invitation has been checked. It's annoying to see someone checking the invitation periodically, but never responding. Or there were the people who kept checking the invite, but gave me their response in person. This kept screwing up my count as I'd look at the list of kids coming, but I'd frequently forget that some of those who hadn't responded, had responded. Then there was a person who said it was never received, even though it had been checked...twice. (And yes, I doubled checked the email, it went to the right address.)

Normally I try to be accommodating, making extra favors and food, but this year my daughter's party was at a pool and due to restrictions on the number of kids per lifeguard, I needed a firm number. Planning a kids party is troubling enough without playing the party police, tracking people down to ask if they are coming. Then there was the flurry of truly last minute calls with questions, especially about siblings. "Did you read the invitation?!" I wanted to shout, "Because everything is explained there!"

Most birthday party-throwing moms complain about weak RSVP numbers, but surely some of these moms must be bad about responding themselves or else this wouldn't be such a common problem. Is it that people only care about the importance of responding when it is their party and then they get RSVP etiquette amnesia immediately afterward?

My daughter's party went off without a hitch, which is what was most important. Until our next party, I pledge to always RSVP in a timely manner, launching my one person campaign to restore the integrity of the polite response request. We can do it!

Original post to Silicon Valley Moms Blog. Kimberly complains about other things at Tippy Toes and Tantrums.