No Paid Time Off for This Mommy

Being a mom is the hardest job in the world. I've heard it said time and again.  But, it really is true.  The reality of this thought hit home recently, when an opportunity to enter the professional workplace again crossed my path. A manager I previously worked for was transitioning to a new position and wanted to see if he could tap me to join his team. 

This email shot me back to another reality I once lived and excelled in, managing product teams to release products.  In the parallel universe of the corporate world, I was in a way, bringing "babies" into the virtual shelves of the marketplace.

In contrast, the current life I live now as a mom, bringing up a real child sure is different.  "Excelling" is not the first word that jumps into my mind.  My days now consist of managing tantrums, negotiating with a three year old over how much broccoli needs to be ingested, and strategizing on how to get him to brush his teeth, and go (and stay) in bed. 

It feels like I'm continually stuck at the bottom rung of being the rookie.  Just when I think I've got some equilibrium, little Johnny lets me know, "Hey, Mom.  Now that you think you've got a handle on me now, let me know show you some new stuff!"  And voila! I'm back in the freshman class of a new class of Parenting 101.

 

And oh, forget about "job benefits".  There's no paid time off or annual bonuses for doing well on the job.  It's often a hostile work environment and of course, everyone knows mothering is a volunteer, non-salaried position.

Don't get me wrong.  I'm not saying being a mom doesn't have it's rewards.  In fact, as much as the "job benefits" of doing the work of a mom is nonexistent, the rewards are priceless.  There isn't enough money that can pay for the precious memory of hearing TJ exclaim, "I love you!" as he jumps into my lap, kissing and snuggling me so tight, some might call it a choke hold. 

And there is certainly no measure of love that fills my heart during the day, when he runs up to me, so excited he can hardly get the words out, "Mommy, come look at this!  Look what I did!"  As TJ tears up the stairs, I've followed him to his room. 

There, in the middle of all the toys flung everywhere, TJ's stuffed animals have been pressed nose to nose into his trash can.  With flushed checks and abated breath, TJ reveals, "Look, Mommy!  I stuffed all my friends in a rocket ship and they're blasting into outer space!", complete with sound affects and hand gestures of jet propulsion.  So precious.  The wonder of it is that he chose to tell ME of his wonderful invention.  Not even sugar can be sweeter in witnessing these first scientific discoveries!

What I'm learning is that mothering is not a job.  It really is a relationship, a lifestyle, and way of being.  I need to learn to see my days, not in light of what tasks I'm performing, but who I'm doing them with and how I am relating to my child and myself, as I'm doing them. It's a really hard thing to wrap my mind around, having worked a job all my life, from the time I was a teen.

I am beginning to realize what many moms ahead of me have grown to experience, that being a mother is just that:  being, not just doing. Now, if only the dishes, the laundry, and the groceries knew just that!

Original Silicon Valley Moms Blog post.  Bonnie Gray runs Just Peachy Baby, and writes about her life as mom on the go at Just Peachy Baby Blog.