Colleges to parents: Grow up please.

We just returned from college orientation for our youngest son. He leaves at the end of summer, and our eldest takes off for an overseas 3 year college experience.  Lots of departures, lots of emotions. However, having two years of college under his belt, I am somewhat "broken in" by "A." We have lived through the bout with pneumonia, periods of no money and too many teen bodies living in an apartment. 

Its interesting, though, that the colleges both essentially said the same things at their respective orientations. That our generation-us-the parents of today-are the most over protective and hovering that they have seen in quite awhile. Mind you, the admissions people are very nice, they have to be as they are fully aware that it is us whose checks ensure their livelihood. In gossamer language, they have built an entire day for parents to talk about "the separation process"-uh-for us adults mainly. We  were regaled with one story in which an admissions officer received a phone call from a parent asking if it was ok to tape their son on the first day of classes. Tape their son. On a college campus. Hon, this ain't kindergarten. I don't think sonny boy would be waving nicely at the camera.

In another instance, we were politely reminded that professors do not take kindly to being called over their students grades. WTF? Parents do that? There is such a thing as privacy laws once little Johnny reaches college-which means that they have to sign off on the things they will allow you to view. (Funny how it is always "ok" to see the financial page.) The colleges really do their darnedest to try not to be rude but get the point across that your kid is in college now, so back-off-but-we-are-here-when-you-need-us. This letting go thing happens in increments, starting waaaay before college. I now see how important it is to keep the lines of communication open, even if what you are hearing makes your insides turn electric blue. After all of this, I can really take in the fact that this "helicopter parent" phenomenon "thing" is really a...."thing." Colleges invest a good portion of their admissions process to talking to and "gently reminding" us parents that yes, this has been an issue and please don't call your children's teachers.

My friends tell me that I have come a long way from my hiding in the bushes as I watched them walk to school (I didn't want them to see me-the worried mom..) My friends would drive by and see me in my pajama pants in the neighbors juniper bush, and we'd laugh about it. But hey-I did what I had to do for my frayed nerves. Whatever gets you through the night-or, in my case, the morning. I guess I have come a long way.  You really have to, or risk having your offspring resent you (even more than they do-and I promise, they will resent you at some point) Its a baby steps thing. In my case a size 10 steps thing, so I guess my leaps have had to have been bigger. Ask me in the fall.

Original post to Silicon Valley Moms Blog.