Slowing Down - Is It Too Late?
I was told recently by a transplant from New York City to Silicon Valley that our pace here is actually faster in many ways than the big apple. It wasn't that they don't work hard in New York, he said, it's that they know when to stop working, go out and play. Work hard, play hard, I guess. Here, he explained, we just go home and get back online and go back to work. I kept thinking about that for a while and realized he might be onto something.
I moved from San Francisco to Silicon Valley (the Peninsula) in 2002 and although I didn't get down to having kids for another four years, my life definitely turned more to work and online socializing since then. Sure, having a kid changes everything - we definitely have stayed home more since our daughter was born - but where I live, there are two restaurants open after 9p.m. and nobody goes out to eat after 7. Finding babysitters is like a competition, and the price for a date night is nearly as much as a plane ticket. Most peoples' kids are in bed by 8. Their parents go online after that, and social media gives us this illusion that we have a social life when we're really just working more. In this economy though, who can afford to kick back, take time off? A lot of people are taking summer vacations, but one spouse will be working and catch up with the vacation later, or they'll both be online while gone. (I'm traveling soon and I'm already having a panic attack at the thought of going without my laptop for a week.) I keep thinking I should cut down on my activities, work less, rest more, take more walks...
A therapist friend of mine says that our society puts a lot of pressure on us to do too much. I've always done too much, so I always thought it was just my problem. But he says most people are happier when they cut down. I don't see that there's any real solution though because some people are just wired such that they can keep on working, sleeping very little, and still be just fine and the competition here for the next new new thing is fierce. I know a lot of lonely wives whose husbands work extremely long hours and I know just as many women who work even harder. We get used to it.
I think part of the challenge is what do we do if we slow down? How do we fill up the time? Most people I know say they want to spend more time with their kids, but then when they actually do it, they're checking e-mail from the Blackberry, playing games on the iPhone, or worrying about making ends meet. They're not even trying to take on enormous challenges like eating healthfully, exercising, or traveling. It's like we no longer know how to simplify. We spend a week at the beach and go out of our minds and the thought of really cutting work down - well, for most people, that would mean selling our homes in order to be able to afford to live here.
Generally one to believe there's a solution to every problem, this one has me stumped. I picked up Womenomics, a book essentially on how to slow down and live the life we want as women but not give up the perks of career and what comes with it, but of course I haven't had time to finish it. It's all about time as women's currency over money. I keep thinking about the theme of working smarter not harder, but even that doesn't necessarily scale in this market. So I'll keep pondering - in the few moments in-between preschool pickups and conference calls - when it all slows down, and what that really means anyway.
Original post to Silicon Valley Moms Blog.
Sarah Granger tends to drive in the fast lane... most of the time.
