When You Don't Speak the Same Language as Your In-Laws

The first time I met my future mother in-law, she poured coffee into my cereal.

It was a simple misunderstanding.  My French boyfriend (a.k.a. future husband) and I had just arrived in Paris the night before.  And that morning in his mother's kitchen, (boyfriend/translator was at a customer meeting), she mistook my frantic gesturing and my pathetic attempt at speaking the language to mean I take coffee IN my cereal. 

Obviously the last minute crash course I took in French did me little good.  And the sheer terror I felt over meeting his parents for the first time, combined with culture shock--never been to France before, much less outside the US--and suffering from coma-induced jet lag, apparently had further deteriorated my already shaky language skills. 

I may as well have well been mute.

I spoke very little during my first visit to France.

Lucky for me, my boyfriend’s mother knew a few words of English.  And contrary to the coffee-in-cereal mishap, we got along great.  She immediately took pity on me and later that day took me on the metro to visit the Notre Dame de Paris.

After my boyfriend and I married, I vowed to improve my French.  I took a few more courses.  I thought my husband would be a big help.  But I was dead wrong.  After coming home from working 10 to 12 hour days as an engineer in the Silicon Valley, he found it extremely difficult to switch gears and revert back to his native language, especially since he’s still trying to master English.

Our half-French kids, sad to say, are also far from fluent.  So far their French language immersion (other than the few times our daughter visited France, when she was too young to remember) consists of their father randomly reading to them, at a speed reading pace, from one of the thousands of French children’s books sent from his mother.  And exposing them to an unhealthy barrage of French cuss words while their father is driving.  

I'm hoping that one day our children will be extremely motivated to learn the language in school.  Once they wake up and realize that not only is French NOT lame; it’s pretty cool.

But I have noticed they have picked up a little bit of the language.  Even if they don’t care to admit it.

I’ve come a long way too.  After 12 years the language thing has gotten a lot easier. We see my husband’s parents at least once a year, which helps.

Somehow, me and my in-laws muddle along with the language barrier.  We can now do small talk.  My mother-in law refers to the melding together of our two languages as Franglish.  (Although her English is much better than my horrific French).  Now, I couldn’t string together a coherent sentence in French for the life of me (other than, Je suis fatigué), but for some reason I can pick up a lot of what my husband and his folks are saying.

I knew the Franglish thing was working for me when one day, while standing in line at Nordstrom Rack, my mother in-law and I struck up a conversation with the woman next to us.  We were busy chatting away when the lady suddenly turns to me and says:

Your mother in-law is speaking to you in French.  And you are answering her back in English. How cute.

Nevertheless, just once I would love to speak more than a few, simple broken sentences in French. 

Get beyond the small talk.

When I complain to my husband the other day, he laughs (his parents have been staying with us since mid June).   Well, maybe that's why you get along SO well, he says.

He does have a point.  I have heard horror stories about family arguments.  And politics. Have you ever heard a French person rant about politics?  Believe me, it ain’t a pretty sight. (Thank GOODNESS the Bush era is over).

But still, one day I hope to become more conversant in the language. Enjoy a lively debate.  To pick my mother in-law’s brain about her years spent growing up in the Jewish district in Paris.

In the meantime, it's good to know I have the Franglish as a fall back.

Photo courtesy of Al Lanni via Flickr Creative Commons.  Original Post to Silicon Valley Moms.  Lisa can also be found on blog on the wall where she muses about life, her French husband and kids and living in the Silicon Valley.