Tips on Gratuity: Jump into it, or Around it?

We've been to a lot of birthday parties recently. People snicker and talk about "New Years Babies," but it is true. Our schedules are more booked now than they will be the rest of the school year or next summer. Many of the parties we've attended have been not in the person's home, but instead at a local bowling alley, pizza place, laser tag gig, or an "inflatable party zone." In the case of the latter, the entire party gets the run of a warehouse filled with slides, jumping pits, and other insanely fun things. (Insanely fun for the kids, just insane for the adults.)

All in all, these parties end up being worth their cost since there is no clean-before or clean-up afterward. My sons have had their parties at the same location several years counting. I know the drill. I even bring a basket of socks for party guests who forget so that they don't have to purchase the overpriced variety at the counter. But there is one thing that catches me off guard every time: the large box for gratuity.

I realize that when we're in "the zone" we are essentially the only clients. Really, there is one group in the warehouse and the other in the pizza room. Then a new group goes into the warehouse as we go into the pizza room. Realistically, two groups are there every three hour block. The party "hosts" definitely have a lot to do - the clean up in particular, plus serving cake and other "waitress-like" duties in the pizza room. And then they do some "supervision" in the actual jumping zone - although the parents tend to do more supervision than they do. (The kids are required to watch a safety video before entering "the zone" and yet the employees are usually breaking the rules by jumping headfirst down the slides. They also tend to rile up the kids for better or for worse. Oh, and then why is it that the male employees are the ones who get to jump around and have fun while the female employees are doing the domestic stuff over in the pizza room?)

With only two parties per three hours, I recognize that the employees only have us for a chance at a tip, unlike when I was a teenager working at a frozen yogurt joint when customers would stream in at a consistent pace (although not many dropped a nickel in our cup, really.) I don't know what these teenagers are paid, but it is probably much less than what one would believe given the cost of the party. After all, the warehouse rent and the cost of inflating and maintaining all those structures must be pretty high. So what should we tip?

When it is time to "settle the bill" I get caught off guard by the huge box marked "gratuity." Every time we do a party, we add on costs like pizza and balloons. Although the balloons require additional work for the employee, the pizza does not. Whether we have 5 boxes or 15 boxes, the "burden" on the server is essentially the same. (She serves a piece per kid, then the adults chow down on their own - it is the adult pizza that costs the most.) We can bring our own soda, or buy it from the establishment. Either way, the employee is carrying soda from the fridge to the party room. Whether we bring our own goody bags ($0 added) or purchase theirs ($6/child) doesn't matter to the employee work-wise, and yet if the total bill his higher, so is 15-20% of that bill.

The bill is totaled, extras and all, and then there is that "gratuity" box.

Ordinarily, I tip 20%. "Ordinarily" meaning at restaurants, for the pizza delivery guy, for my brows gal, and for the hairdresser.

But 20% of the cost of a party at an inflatable party zone plus pizza, plus balloons, is pretty high.

Similarly, 20% of the cost of a carpet cleaning can be pretty steep when extra "deodorizers" are added in. I understand that is quite a labor-intensive job, but the price will differ between a "regular" treatment and a "premium" treatment because of the materials used (which is an employer's cost) not the energy expended by the employee.

When we moved across the country, we certainly didn't tip the movers 20% of the incredible cost. After all, the gas wasn't their expense, nor was the person unloading our furniture the one who spent several days behind the wheel. We gave the workers on both sides of the country pizza or sandwiches, plenty of water, and probably a twenty or two apiece. And yet, their physical labor (and that of the carpet cleaners) is much greater than the teenagers at an inflatable party zone, or a waitress at a super-high-end restaurant who only has to look good as she serves her exceptionally expensive food.

I have a lot of other concerns about gratuity, such as my most recent overnight trip, when while I was paying for a cab (with its own tipping calculation) a hotel doorman immediately whisked my bag away. I would have gladly rolled my suitcase myself, but now I was stuck: I had to tip him. And then there is the awkward situation where I leave my purse at a restaurant table only to discover a "bathroom attendant" in the restroom. What to do? If I'm out of dollars, does that mean I cannot pee? (Or should I just make a dash for it without washing my hands? Ewwww.)

I tend to err on the side of being too generous, but I end up feeling resentful later. Sometimes I feel tricked into tipping, when really I wish I could use gratuity to really be grateful for excellent service.

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Original Silicon Valley Moms Blog post, Kari also writes at The Karianna Spectrum about raising a son on the autistic spectrum.