Silicon Valley Moms Blog

The Legacy of a Mommy

I am a children's photographer and I have captured hundreds of children and countless mommies over the years, but this image has more meaning to me than it might typically. Last month I attended the funeral of a friend. She was 37 years old and the mother of two beautiful little girls. She died suddenly of pregnancy complications and her death has hit me in a profound way.

Although Heather and I were not the closest of friends, her daughter, Sara, is a playmate of my daughter, Alayna. Sara has spent countless hours in our home and Alayna in hers. Her funeral was on Monday and as my husband and I arrived at the chapel we were seated in an overflow area. From where we sat we could see little Sara wrapped around the neck of a young man, presumably a cousin. Just looking at her was almost more than I could bear. As I listened to the pastor and the family and friends speak of Heather’s life I couldn’t help but think of what I would leave behind should I prematurely leave my children. What would they remember? What would they cling to? I imagine that Sara and her sister, Emily will remember baking cookies with their mommy, being pushed on the swings. They will remember how their mom took piano lessons right along with them so they could all learn together. They will remember the things we think of as mundane; brushing their hair, tying their shoes, making peanut butter sandwiches. Those things are momma. Those things are safe and familiar.

Vasectomy regrets

My husband and I have been happily married for almost 10 years, have four great children and are pretty sure we’re “all done” (to quote my 2 year old). We are also only 32 years old, love being parents and would welcome a fifth child with open (although stretched) arms. To top it off, I am decidedly maternal. I always wanted a big family; six or seven kids, at LEAST, ha ha. However, after going through the last two pregnancies with an extreme separated pelvis (a debilitating and very painful condition!) and with my cholesterol being 379 un-medicated, we decided it would be the most responsible thing to declare our family complete. After almost two years of debate between us, each taking the pro-con stance in turn, we finally, kind of, decided to go for it. However, it was more like- Brian decided he was ready and I decided to stick my fingers in my emotional ears and say “na-na-na-na-na” until it was over. That, I learned, was my mistake.

I wish someone had told me what I might feel like after it was all said and done.