Silicon Valley Moms Blog

Those flippin' teenagers

Recently I found myself driving over the Dumbarton bridge coming home from a meeting with some artist friends.  I sat and waited in line at the toll booth and started laughing uncontrollably about something that had happened BK (Before Kids that is).  I am pretty sure when I got up and paid my two....wait......three.....no I am sure it was now about $42.00 toll to cross the bridge, the woman thought I was crazy.  I could not help myself I was practically in tears.  You see I used to work in the East Bay and took the bridge every day.

Way back in 1995, when I was single, young, wrinkle free and wearing "stylish work clothes", I would drive to and from The Learning Company in Fremont and back to the Peninsula.  Every day the same commute, crank the tunes, drive a 1/2 hour - no change, no conflict, no traffic - same drive.  Then one day I pulled out onto the long road that took me to the bridge and an old blue Chevelle speeds up and gets right behind me.  He (of course it was a he) gets behind my car, really riding me if you will, and stays there.  I notice the driver is all of 16 years old, a pimpled faced kid with a crew-cut and sports an angry teenage look, a look I could see a mile away.  And, as I mentioned, he is riding (stay with me now) the back of my car, and gaining speed.  I worked all day, I am tired, I don't need this - so I tap my breaks - to get him to back off.  He brakes, he swerves a bit and then pulls back a ways from my car.  I am happy, I turn up my music, I drive and assume the problem has been taken care of, I am smug working girl.  But, what the....?  I do a double take as I check my rear view mirror and notice something that is off.  I am sort of shocked to see he not only is he still there, still right behind me but now he is flipping me off!

My Son is a Democrat

I never really gave it much thought whether my children would be Democrats or Republicans, and I never thought um, I would find out this year.  It being election year and he is 8 years old and all, I must have forgot how observant he is.  I myself do not discuss politics with my son.  I do have a super-conservative Republican Dad (not that there is anything wrong with that) who gives his view on the government on a daily basis though.  Hence, me not really sharing political commentary with my son, he gets enough um "spinning" from his Grandfather.

So, this leads me to share a recent conversation my son and I had the other day.  I took the afternoon off and played hooky from work, it was a great excuse for a drive.  We had an errand to run and were having a leisurely drive through Palo Alto.  We are taking in the sites, he is making observations, you know the drill.  Along our drive we see a large number of signs in their yards, mostly for one candidate in particular;

"Wow there seems to be a lot of people voting for Obama." Grant says

"Yes, Grant it looks like there is a lot of support for him here."

"Ya.....I don't really follow politics much, I think I am just going to vote for who my parents tell me to vote for."

 

The Giving Tree...or The Taking Boy?

I read a great commentary on the movie Horton Hears a Who and I wish I had had the guts to write it down after I saw the movie.  Then I was reminded of a similar "thought" or epiphany I had about a certain book from a few years ago.  When my son was younger, maybe four, he brought home his favorite book from school to share with the family. It was "The Giving Tree" by Shel Silverstein, and we read it over and over, I mean he brought it home week after week. 

I am not an ignorant woman (so I think), I think I am well read, college edu-ma-cated and I have taken many an honors English class.  I really love books, I pride myself on my knowledge of books, analyzing them, the whole understanding of characters and such, you know finding the real  meaning and all.  So, you can imagine one week day when my son and I are reading The Giving Tree for the 47th time) together and I find myself getting upset, I mean really angry.  I feel that my eyes are open and I can see this tree for what it is.......you know what the metaphor for the tree is? Um you know I am not the only mother that read this book differently right?  I try to keep quiet, but I can not, I feel I must explain to to my son why Mommy has decided she does not like this book any longer and never wants to read it again.  If you are not familiar with the book you can go here and listen to the reading.

No More Park Playdates

I live in the "land of a ten thousand parks", no really....okay maybe not ten thousand, but it sure seems that way when you drive around my city.  Here in Foster City we have more parks per square footage per city square footage than most cities in the country (try to say that really fast). Foster City is not a big city either, it is only about 4 square miles and did I mention I have been to every park about 34 times?  Our city website claims we have 22 parks.....I um, count more like 54, but don't quote me I am a bit biased and it sure seemed liked that many parks.

I moved to Foster City in 2001, dragging with me a husband, a 2 year old toddler boy , a dog and a baby on the way.  We were lucky enough to purchase a five bedroom, two bath Probate sale.  We literally went to the park all the time, anywhere from two to three times a week - EVERY week.  We even live next to a park (shocking I know) and we visited that park daily, not counting the 3-4 park play dates.  So, back in the day when my business was brand-spanking new and I ran it out of the house, I went to the park a lot.  When you run your business out of your home, you need to leave every once in a awhile and the parks were my go to place.   

A Dear SAHM Letter

Dear SAHM Moms,

I am pretty sure I am a good mother, I do the best I can.  I do juggle work and raising a family - but I think I do it well and it works for my family.  That is most days, not every day, sometimes I am haunted by flippant remarks you make, sometimes cruel and even judgmental.  I play it over and over in my head, the stinging comment you say, always with a smile on your face. I can always think of a better come-back, a funnier response, oh and in my head I am always dressed better.  Often though I wonder why you would say such things to me, I would never say these things to you. 

Do you remember last year I donated a gift basket to an auction for your school?  My company actually donated the basket, a large selection of products we make - the basket was worth about $150.00.  I did not know you very well, but I was happy to donate when you asked me to.  We have talked on occasion at local events and such, I have enjoyed your company, until you made that comment.  You came to my office to pick up the gift and we started discussing school, homework, you know the "Mommy speak" we do.  If memory serves me right, I think I was complaining (shocking I know) about my son's work load at school and a project I forgot we needed to do.  Your response (and yes I am quoting) was,"OH, my children get really good grades, I make sure the homework is always turned in, but I have the time to do that since I am a stay-at-home mom.  That is my job."

Juggling Working Mom Guilt

Being a working mom I juggle things all day long; clients, problems, employees, responsibilities, but most importantly my children’s daycare situation.  Since late 2002, I have been running my business out of my home.  Though I work all the time, I am not considered a ‘full-time working mom’,that is hysterical, ‘cause I am a full time Mom and full-time Entrepreneur.

xxxx

Juggling is the only word I know to best describe being a working mom.  If the baby sitter is sick-then I juggle work and being an entertaining monkey for bored children.  If the children are sick, no sitter again-juggle work and being nurse maid.  If I am sick-I continue to work, and juggle the kids and my own "ailments", well I don’t think I need to list the gross details.  I often feel like I am not fooling anyone, everyone probably knows I am doing a ½ ass job at both jobs.  More times that not though I am just trying to keep as many balls in the air as possible, until I throw the guilt one up there - then they all come tumbling down.

Children Say the Darndest Things

You just never know when your children will blurt out your darkest secrets, do something embarrassing, mention your embarrassing moments or some piece of juicy gossip to the world.  You just sit back, hold your breath and hope, as you send them off into the world (that would be Nursery school or Kindergarten) that they don't air your uh, so-called dirty laundry.  But, as much as you hope, pray and bribe - there will come a day when they share with the world what happens in your home.

My mother still rolls her eyes and shudders as she talks about what I told my kindergarten class one day.  The year was 1976 in San Mateo, and almost every other student in my class was either had parents getting divorced, had a relative getting divorced or knew of someone getting divorced.  Please note, I grew up in a very happy household - I can count on one hand the amount of big "blow-out" fights my parents had in my entire childhood.  Anyhoo....I um might of well, at "show-and tell" stood up, fixed my dress and announced to the class , (and my mother swears I said this), "My Mommy and Daddy had a fight last night, and I am pretty sure they are getting a divorce."

What We Don't Talk About

My Dad's side of the family is not what anyone would call quiet, nope - we are not shy, we are loud, we are funny and we do like to have a good time.  We are not a quiet bunch, the family reunions are loud, birthday parties are loud, holidays are louder, heck even our funerals are quite chatty.  And to add insult to injury, there are a lot of us - My father has 5 siblings, there are 11 grandchildren, add the 8 spouses, 13 great grandchildren....that is a lot of talking, a lot of laughing and a lot of noise.  We are spread out all over the country - sadly, we are not all local.  And if you must ask, when we do get together, yes we talk usually talk over each other, we are sarcastic, and we torment and tease each other mercifully.  I am not proud of it, but we have scared a few possible boyfriends away due to our....um extremely loud voices and ability to tease outsiders. 

Now, yes we do like to talk, but there are some topics we tend to shy away from.  We always knew there would come a day when we had to have the talk, this was not a conversation any of us wanted to have.  If we talked about it, we would actually have to acknowledge how bad things had gotten.  The entire family always knew that it was not going to be easy, we emailed each other, we discussed on phone calls across the country and we whispered about this very topic at many a family events.   

The Soccer Mom's Stuff

About two years ago my husband and I had a rare night out at BJ's in Foster City.  It was crowed, and since we were minus two kids we got to eat in the bar - with the adults.  Sharing the large table with us were three executives from The Picture People - and these three men were chatting up a storm, and they were not quiet about it.  I tried to not listen, but I could not help myself.

The leader of the pack started off by saying, "I know what mom's want....." before shoving a few more buffalo wings in his mouth, "mom's want to bring their stuff to the studio, their own props".    The other two nodded and said things like, "yes" and "I know that!"  My husband and I both heard the conversation unfold, he gave me this look that said, "Do not say anything."  Not say anything?  Well I had not had a drink yet so I continued to listen, and see what else these so-called "experts" had to say about us mom's.

Two-Faced Mom

Whenever I have to meet new moms I have to put on my game face, actually I have two faces I put on (no, no I am not saying I am two-faced).  In Foster City our sport season is in full force, I have Spring Soccer team to meet for my daughter and my son has not one but two teams - his Club Soccer Team and his AA Baseball Team.  That is a lot of Mom's to meet, greet and tell them what I do, when they ask - and they always ask.  It's not that I don't enjoy meeting new mom's I really do - if I am lucky I will make a new friend, have another Mom to sit on the sidelines with, and cheer on our team. 

The problem I have is when they ask what I do my answer sometimes changes - depending on who I am speaking with.  I am not a freak of nature, I do not work in some taboo industry (wouldn't that be a great conversation piece?), or political, or religious - I am just not easy to define.  I do not fit the mold very well. I am a working mommy and I wear that badge proud, but I also volunteer in the class rooms regularly, I don't always pick-up, I do have a sitter, I don't do play dates, I do make field trips and I don't help the PTA (not that there is anything wrong with that).