Silicon Valley Moms Blog

The Vaccination Question has No Easy Answers

Every day I receive reports in my email box about various autism biomed treatments or the latest cases involving vaccine-injury. CBS Evening News has an exclusive story on the second round of cases that went to court today alleging a causal relationship between child vaccination and autism cases. Meanwhile, the recent outbreak of whooping cough (pertussis) at the East Bay Waldorf School has people chattering about vaccines from a different perspective.

I usually stay silent about the various debates because I don't see a clear answer and because these issues are too close for comfort. I've experienced these questions as a parent and studied neuropharmacology, immunology, and other such subjects as a graduate student. I've been brushed off as a "desperate mother," yet have seen firsthand how environmental stimuli can play a role in characteristics that fall on the autistic spectrum.

Before I became a mother of a child diagnosed with PDD-nos, I was respected as someone with two Ivy-league degrees, one of them a Masters of Medical Science. But once my son came along, since I put him on the Feingold Diet and questioned the vaccine schedule, I became an uneducated fool in the eyes of many medical professionals.

The Name Game for Parents

I’ve mentioned before how I cringe when little kids call me by my first name. And yet, I am not ready to be called “Mrs.” either. Perhaps it is because my Husband’s last name is different from mine, so it doesn’t sound right to be a “Mrs.” when it is followed by my own name. “Miss Kari,” is cute, but a little juvenile. Still, I like it better than just “Kari,” which when spoken with a conversational tone seems as though the child were my buddy. I suppose “Ms. Kari” would have a bit more respect attached to it, yet not quite as matronly as “Ms.” with my last name. Still, even “Ms. Kari” feels wrong. “Auntie Kari” has a nice ring, but I haven’t heard the “Auntie” and “Uncle” titles in our area.

I want to fit in with the parents, but I don’t want the kids to think they “fit in” with me as an equal peer.

Attending the NCAA Gymnastics Championships

My boys enjoy gymnastics. My youngest has dubbed himself 'Nastics Boy and is quite aware that his coaches think he has a future. My oldest prefers soccer and golf (his instructor called him "just like Tiger Woods" and he will never forget it) but enjoys the opportunity to bounce around and dive into the foam pit at the gym. We have several gymnastics events "green-circled" on our TiVo for the inevitable request to see them again and again.

Last month, some of the world's top gymnasts met at San Jose State for the Pacific Rim Gymnastics Championships. I debated whether to attend. With steep ticket prices and an uncertainty as to whether my boys would appreciate the caliber of the gymnasts, I decided against it.

Contributing to my decision was that I knew the NCAA Gymnastics Championships would be held at Stanford. The "risk" was much smaller, for a four-event ticket only cost $20. If they boys didn't like it, we could leave without feeling that we had wasted our money.

When we watched the Pacific Rim Championships on television last weekend, I was struck at the paucity of the crowd. Had we gone, we would have been very close to some amazing gymnasts. Past champions sat in the audience. I later saw some photographs that members of my boys' gym had posted of themselves with their gymnastics idols. While the boys enjoyed the heavily-edited television coverage, we were all disappointed that the men's competitions received less than a minute of "highlights."

But we knew we'd have our opportunity to see plenty of amazing men this week at Stanford.

The Private School Snob Celebrates Public Education

I am a card-carrying private-school snob. Those "cards" include two framed degrees from Ivy League schools and a "fact card" for my independent high-school alma mater for which until recently I was on the Board of Trustees.  I appreciate the flexibility and forward-thinking that independent schools can provide, particularly as released from the standardized testing and expectation that all students must learn in the same way. In the current public school system, the aim is to address weaknesses rather than to celebrate strengths.

One mission of my high school alma mater is to be a private school "with a public purpose." The outcome of this goal has been reflected in founding the Bay Area Teachers Center in partnership with San Francisco State University, and fostering the development of Aim High Academy, a public SF school which grew out of Aim High's summer program. Our goal hasn't been to be elitist, although I understand how independent schools can become such. I recall one interesting evening when I sat with friends from Book Club who questioned the need to go to college, much less to obtain an Ivy League degree. It certainly made me think.

But considering private school for college is a much different question than considering it for high school or elementary school, and yet, it is the early years that are the most critical. With this in mind, I was particularly concerned about getting it "right" for my son.

Education and the CA Budget: A $50 Cream Puff

On Saturday evening, I attended our school's fundraising auction. Amidst the festive and sparkling environment, school parents dropped big bucks. Tables bid on desserts for exorbitant amounts and individuals took away luxury vacations for the true cost of their child's education and then some. In the middle of it all, the principal gregariously worked the crowd in his ivory leisure suit and Panama hat.

I won at "wine toss," but rather than taking home bottles of Silver Oak, like some folks, I ended up with a Gallo. I bought an amazing portrait of the Cat (pictured sample-size at left) and bid on a bunch of things that I didn't win. I enjoyed free booze and fun conversation. But the real entertainment was seeing how much money people were willing to spend for our kids.

Objectivism of Parenting

The most difficult and hurtful argument that I've had with another person came during the summer between my junior and senior years of college. My boyfriend and I co-signed a summer sublet agreement with some friends, but we broke up shortly before the summer began. That is a difficult situation, but what was more difficult was that in an attempt to be "friendly," he wished to engage in intellectual debate.

He was, and probably still is, an Ayn Rand worshiper, and thus a fan of objectivism. He asserted that for every single situation, there is a precise "correct" answer. My argument was that even if there is a "right" way to do something, it is dependent upon so many variables that the "objectively correct" scenario is not immediately obvious. As the number of variables increases exponentially, things essentially become subjective because we must draw on our own unique experiences (with those variables that happen to apply to us) to determine the best course of action.

If a peanut butter sandwich is found to be the absolute BEST food for people, then what happens for someone who is allergic to peanuts?

Many adults will agree that what is "best" for one person may not be the "best" for another. And yet, as it comes to parenting styles and decisions, suddenly the public takes quite an objectivist view.

California Senate Introduces Two Autism-Related Bills

My seven year old son has been in five different schools in his short lifetime. He was asked to leave one preschool program, but then did fine at another. He was expelled from a private Kindergarten. He "graduated" from a public Kindergarten class, but around this time last year, his teacher strongly recommended we find another school for him. We did (by moving in this horrific real estate market), and he is now in first grade in our "Dream District."

Our case is not unique. Many families must work hard to find the appropriate educational and social environment for their child. The school-hopping has taught me first-hand that the right environment can mean everything for a child. My son was essentially two different people at the two different kindergartens. And he has improved even more in his new school, surrounded by people who appreciate his strengths and assist him in areas such as social skills. When his teacher has questions about a particular behavior, we work together to find a way to address it in a productive way. I get happy butterflies when I step on campus because I feel that my son is in a supportive environment.

Imagine if suddenly we were told he could no longer attend the school that is serving him so well?

Discipline Diva, or Mrs. Diva to You

I am no stranger to public perception of parenting styles. I’ve been told my kid is a “brat,” and have been the recipient of plenty of unsolicited advice. Teachers and medical professionals question me slowly, “Have you considered getting him help?” even after I’ve told them repeatedly the run-down of what I have done.

Thankfully, those battles are primarily over. The Cat is a first grader and has gained more understanding about the issues that were so painful for us in the past. Of course there are moments of embarrassment, but that is true for any young child. No kid behaves perfectly all the time.

No, it is not the Cat, or autistic spectrum disorders, or the public perception of such things that is on my mind today. Rather, I have to admit that I am now on the other side of the battleground with my younger son’s friends: I find myself being the unfair judge.

“Kari, Spliggle is supposed to eat all his turkey.” one of his good friends told me haughtily. Her mother looked amused. “It is fine that she calls you Kari, right?” She gave me the look that essentially said that if I disagreed I would be causing a scene. I would be the one in the wrong.

Eli Stone and the Autism-Vaccine Connection

I already had Eli Stone set to record on my TiVo. It seems like an intriguing show, what with all the George Michael. But today I learned that there is some controversy over the debut episode, scheduled to air this Thursday. Apparently, the title character successfully wins a settlement against a vaccine company in favor of parents whose child has autism. According to Reuters, The American Academy of Pediatrics... issued a statement criticizing the show as "leaving audiences with the destructive idea that vaccines do cause autism."

Oh, boy. I hate the vaccine-autism controversy.

And yet, I feel compelled to weigh in when I hear such stories. Last summer I reviewed Vaccinated, by Dr. Paul A. Offit. And then our sister site, the DC Metro Moms hosted a discussion on The Vaccine Book by Robert W. Sears. While I was too burnt-out to contribute to the discussion at that time, I read the post and have the book.

Familiar Headline

Avalanche Kills Skier in Vail; 2 Others Survive, I read in my paper yesterday morning. The story begins, "An avalanche killed a man while he was skiing outside the boundaries..."

In March of 2002, a very similar headline ran in the San Francisco Chronicle. Unfortunately, the casualty was my Fraternity brother, one of Husband's very good friends. Last year I was surprised that five whole years had passed. This March it will be six...

So when I read the Vail story, memories certainly came back: of our friend, but also of how the story was portrayed in the media.

Below is what I wrote on 3/8/2006, which was four years after the accident: