Silicon Valley Moms Blog

Just Another One of Those Times I Can Count On My Girlfriends

So this is the third year in a row that my husband wasn’t around to celebrate Mother’s Day with me and our girls. It’s the same reason every year. He basically has to travel around the world for various meetings and such for work and May is the time he has to do that.

No, I don’t feel sad or resentful. He does what he has to do and Mother’s Day, well, it is a single day (he’s actually traveling for a couple weeks). However, it’s an important day to me. It’s a day to celebrate all mothers and since I’m one and I believe my own mother is rather extraordinary, I think Mother’s Day deserves its recognition. Thus like any other special day, I really feel the need to do something different than any other Sunday on any other weekend.

Living In a Bilingual Household…When I’m the Only One That’s Not

So, I’m often asked, “How does it feel not knowing what your husband is telling your kids?” To which I usually reply with a shrug, “Well, he’s talking to them not me.” Ha ha ha During our visits to Norway or when relatives have come to visit, I’ve usually applied the “ignorance is bliss” theory to most Norwegian conversations taking place around me. This way, I can disavow any responsibility for what was said (where we’re going, what time we’re meeting up). That rationale, however, is beginning to wear thin…mostly because our girls are getting older.

I thought I still had a few years left before I initiated my project to learn Norwegian. I’ve learned the standard greeting and holiday phrases that get me by on most visits to in-laws and my husband’s friends (God Jul for "Merry Christmas," Godt Nytt Aar for "Happy New Year"). Though I’ve certainly butchered the pronunciations each time, they’re all generally appreciative of the effort. However, the years have gone by, our girls are now 4 years old. And I think I'm at the end of the grace period for my self-imposed ignorance of the language.

The Beginning of the End of the California Public School System

It used to be one of the best public school systems in the country. It used to be a reason to live in California (besides the obvious weather and beaches). It used to offer curriculums that turned out well-rounded students. And now, that is only a memory…unless you happen to live in a relatively affluent neighborhood whose parents contribute money, time and other support to ensure the neighborhood school will provide the kind of top education parents desire for their kids.

I was lucky. My high school was brand new when I entered my freshman year. It was outfitted with the newest equipment, several inspiring teachers, advanced courses to challenge the brightest students, and more. More importantly, it was pre-Proposition 13. Before the Jarvis-Gann Initiative passed. What’s that, you ask? Basically, it was one of those cannot see the forest for the trees knee jerk efforts conceived of by Howard Jarvis to relieve the tax burden on property owners.

And it has ruined the formerly proud California public school system. Since the late 1970’s, there have been several additional propositions to that initiative to close loopholes and prevent the property tax burden from falling mostly on residential property owners. But. And that’s a big but. There has been nothing constructive enough to restore the California public school system to its previous prominence and effectiveness. Did you know that student achievement in California public schools used to be one of the best in the nation?

Gifts and Retribution

You know what I’m talking about. Cleverly disguised as toys – soft plush dogs, black and white police cars in miniature, bright red fire trucks, multi-striped race cars – they are the well-meaning (or not) gifts that parents fear. As if the noise level was not enough in your home with the regular whining and arguing amongst your kids, the volume level shoots straight up from the additions to your kids’ toy collection. Sirens screaming, toy puppies yapping, alarms blaring, brakes screeching - your sanity teeters on the edge.

“Would you PLEASE turn that thing off!” you shout for the hundredth time. Your patience is worn. The next siren or alarm that sounds sends you desperately searching for those earplugs you normally pack away for airplane trips.

And you know where your children get these things? Yup. From their childless aunts and uncles or other people with a twisted sense of humor. True confession. That was my husband and me…well, before we had children, that is. I admit it. Our gift giving has been suspect in that regard.

A Romantic Getaway to a Faraway Place – I Should Be Psyched, Right?

So my husband, God bless him, is very good about making sure we have some “us” time. He is quite aware that he and I get caught up in the everyday routine of working late and attending to our kids. He knows when he’s been working too many late nights in a row, missing putting our girls to bed or traveling for a few days or a week for work and not being around for the little moments that make us smile because of something our girls did. His family is his first priority…but he’s also a Silicon Valley executive. And the reality is that there is an inordinate amount of time spent working or worrying about work.

As one might expect, he needs a break. We need a break. So, he put together a fantastic getaway to the Yucatan Peninsula. We plan to enjoy the remote, empty beaches, explore the Mayan ruins in Tulum, and sample the nightlife along the hotel-infested party side of the peninsula. It should be a grrrrrrrreat getaway with myriad things to do. I’m psyched for the trip…though I feel a tiny bit of sadness, too. We’re going sans children.

The Morning Schedule - Setting A Good Example

As all parents know, especially those that have a job outside the home they have to rush to, the morning timetable should not cannot be derailed. Everything is timed perfectly. Minutes are precious. The morning routine leaves no room for dealing with tantrums and peevish episodes…like the other morning.

With twins, the schedule is especially critical. And when one is trying to buck the routine, I still have another that I can try to keep on track. And that’s what I did, albeit to the cries and screams of the lagging one. It’s a common complexity amongst families with multiples. You have one child that is doing everything right while the other is…not (often because she simply wants attention). So who do you attend to? That morning, I decided to attend to my daughter that was following the schedule. I decided to let my other one work herself through her little tantrum, screaming and yelling. The consequence was the carpet cleaning required after her fit of anger ended in a potty accident. [heavy sigh] Oh well. I could live with that. Times like this, I look forward to the day when we replace that carpet with hardwood floors.

They Won't Be Around Forever...

A few months ago, I received a call from my mother in San Diego. I had dropped off my girls at preschool and just returned home to begin the day’s errands.

“Oh hey, Mom. Howzit goin’?” I asked casually after picking up the phone and noting the caller ID. I instantly wondered when was the last time I got our girls on the phone to chat with their grandparents. They love that.

“Linda. Dad just collapsed. We are going to the hospital,” Mom said very calmly. Oh, I thought, did she just say they were going to the hospital? I wasn’t sure because her voice was so calm. Then I thought I heard a siren in the background. My heart started to beat hard.

Terms of Address – What Are You Teaching Your Kids?

So Nancy R’s post about manners  on the New York City Moms Blog brought up something that’s been in the back of my mind for a while. How should I teach my girls to address adults? Which terms are de rigueur these days? Living in Silicon Valley, you get used to the relatively casual lifestyle in and out of work and I sometimes wonder if what we do here is common around other parts of the country.

As everyone knows, the common business attire in Silicon Valley corporate offices may include khakis and button-down shirts for men and pants and a simple top for women (though women, like myself, love to mix it up with skirts and the occasional dress). A suit jacket may be close at hand hanging on the back of the door for any unplanned occasions that might require a little nicer look. Terms of address also follow suit - everyone is usually on a first name basis, including the executives.

Kindergarten - the End Game?

So, Michelle’s post on preschools really got me thinking. Last week, we had a speaker come to a meeting of my moms of multiples club to talk about Kindergarten readiness. It’s part of a two-part series we offer our members every year. The second part is on Preschool readiness. One of these sessions includes a professional speaker from Parents Place and the other is a panel of parents from the club sharing their own perspectives and knowledge. For the first time this year, we had a professional speaker for the Kindergarten session and a panel of parents for the preschool topic (switched from last year).

The Kindergarten session was not only eye-opening, it was somewhat of a relief. The speaker focused on the fact that the greatest preparation we could give our kids for Kindergarten is to make sure they attain the self-regulation (e.g., pays attention, controls impulses, follows directions), social expression (e.g., curiosity for learning, tells stories, social play) and self-help/motor skills to be successful at the Kindergarten level. School programs focus on the academics, so a Kindergarten teacher is confident a child can and will learn the academics.

Keeping In Touch With Their Norwegian Heritage

Saturday mornings have become a new routine…check that, every other Saturday morning. Usually, we could go for weeks, sometimes months without making it up to the city. After all, it’s a good hour drive away. Not so anymore. There’s a Norwegian Seaman’s Church in San Fracisco, just a block up from Ghirardelli Square and a few hilly blocks from Fisherman’s Wharf. This church/community center must have one of the best views of Alcatraz Island in the bay. It’s mesmerizing. Gazing at the bay from the building’s large picture windows is like watching a painting with tiny parts moving unexpectedly. One moment, you’re staring at the scene, the next you’re wondering what just moved. But I digress…we’re not here for the view (though it is a great one).