Silicon Valley Moms Blog

Losing With Tears

We just finished another night of family games which, as many times before, ended in one of our twins breaking down in a sobbing fit that she didn’t win. <heavy sigh> We started this ritual a few months ago after I was on a week-long business trip missing my family. One night while away, I started thinking about how quickly our girls were growing up. We’d gone from infants needing our constant attention for their survival to toddlers requiring constant supervision for their safety to preschoolers needing less and less of our presence. We now have budding Kindergarteners who insist on doing everything themselves. While we’re lucky to have twins who can play with each other most of the time quite peacefully, we realized that the day when they won’t want to hang out with us parents is looming in the horizon. So, we instituted family game night and our girls LOVE it as do we…until the end…when there is a loser. And that loser is one of our girls.

Please tell me this is a phase. I don’t know how many times we’ve explained to each of them that it’s great to win but one cannot always win. We’ve given the “if you’ve done your best, that’s all that counts” kinda talk; explained the idea of chance (cards and board games); talked about how “sore” losers are no fun to play with; encouraged the thought that winning is great but losing with grace is just as important, etc. etc. etc. We try to play games multiple times so that more than one person has a chance to win. However, we don’t let anyone win just so they’ll feel good. We think that’s disingenuous and unfair. I mean, they’re playing games now at preschool and summer camps and they’ve got to learn how to win [without gloating] and lose [without crying].

Summer Science Camps – Where Are All the Little Girls?

Monday was the first day of summer camp for my twin 5-year-old girls. As the groups checked in at the front gate, something struck me as odd. I couldn’t put my finger on it at first but as I surveyed the group that gathered to leave after check-in, I noticed a distinct lack of little girls…except for my two and an old pre-K classmate of my girls. I couldn’t help but wonder, “Where are all the little girls?”

Destination Science was our choice for four weeks this summer along with Camp Galileo for three weeks in between. Themes such as wacky weird robots and rocket blasters, wild animal physics and African art, building big and monster races appealed to us as parents and, knowing our girls curious minds, would fascinate them and open their minds to new concepts. I’d also gotten rave reviews from other parents who’d sent their kids there. But as I thought about it, I realized that most of those parents had boys.

Meltdown Mornings – Hand Me a Shot…Of Anything

Even worse, meltdown Mondays! When will they end? OK, OK I know that everyone has an opinion on the right parenting technique to avoid such incidents. I know that for every tantrum my girls [and I] have suffered, there’s a book out there to show me what a wonderful teaching moment this could be. Yea, well let me tell ya, when you’re in the moment, that moment just. Has. To. End!

I know I’m not the perfect mother. I know my patience has an end (which is quite faster to reach these days). I know my girls are only demanding asking for things(whatever that is) any little 5-year-old might want. But when that happens at twenty minutes to nine in the morning (preschool starts at 9 am and we still have a ten minute walk there), timeouts are just not the answer.

Take the other morning. From the moment Songwriter woke up to the time we were out the front door for our morning march to school, she complained, whined, and cried about everything, literally. She didn’t want to get dressed before coming downstairs because she didn’t feel like it. She didn’t want plain bread, she wanted toast. She wanted more milk and we just ran out. She didn’t like those socks because they were too yellow (she picked them out). She didn’t want to wear that headband (yea, she picked it out, too) because it wasn’t the shiny one. She didn’t want to wear her tennis shoes because they were too big (she has worn them for several weeks now).

Our First Drop-Off Birthday Party

My twin girls turned 5 on Monday and we held their birthday party with a few friends on the following Saturday at Color Me Mine (a wonderful Silicon Valley ceramics painting place, in case you didn’t know). And when I booked this place, it became a drop-off birthday party. That’s right, it didn’t start out that way. The party room was limited. 15 kids was the absolute maximum. They strongly suggested that I tell the parents to drop off their kids and return after 1.5 hours. Really? I hadn’t thought about that. I was still in the chaperoning mindset. Would there be help? Oh yes, they assured me. Well, okaaaaaaaaay but….

I wondered how other parents would feel. I wondered how I would tell them nicely, “we would love for your child to come but you’ll have to leave.” I wondered if they would decline the invitation to their kid because of that. Then I thought, this is a kids’ birthday party. They should understand. I mean, if I received a similar invitation for my girls, I would love it. A free 1.5 hours? Grrrrrrrrreat! Where's the nearest spa?

The Tooth Fairy Needs A Standard Rate Chart

Just one month shy of Storyteller’s (“L”) 5th birthday and the Tooth Fairy made her first visit to our home…well, two visits in a matter of 3 days. I’d been expecting this. I knew she would be relatively early. This sort of thing isn’t supposed to happen until around 5 to 6 years old but since she had her first teeth at 5 months, I prepared early.

How did I prepare? By polling other moms on what the Tooth Fairy was leaving for baby teeth these days. Times change, children share stories...it helps to know such things so I wouldn't be caught off guard. What I found was unbelievable - talk about a huge, I mean HUGE discrepancy among tooth fairy gifts. $100? $50? $10? I was shocked! My mind was thinking 25 cents, allowing for over 40 years of inflation. I could've sworn my own collections from the Tooth Fairy amounted to increments of 5 cents? A dime? A quarter? I'm not sure exactly but I'm pretty sure that even a dollar would have been uncommon.

My Buddy, My iPhone

A few weeks ago, I was at a conference away from home. As before, I left with mixed feelings…not about the actual conference, just being away from home. And no, it wasn’t because my husband would be in charge. He’s quite capable on his own…difficult, yes, because he’d have to do the morning *and* bedtime routines. Even more difficult because I would be gone for the weekend. But my feelings were mixed because I knew there would be several instances where the silence would be deafening. I would realize I was away from home…and my girls.

Each morning would be quiet. The only person I would worry about would be me. I would not be the driving force pushing my daughters and my husband to get going. And then there would be the mealtimes. Not only would I not be making lunch (or dinner for that matter), I would be going out to eat. No one else but me.

I’d always been comfortable doing things by myself. When I was single, I had no qualms about going to see a movie alone or stopping in a restaurant and requesting a table for one. I had travelled so often for work and pleasure, I was used to it. I found these were great times to think about my life, read a book or listen to music.

Kindergarten Extended Care – Signing Up Now Will Certainly Save My Sanity

I recently wrote a post about how I just completed my girls’ plans for summer camps. Since my twins are almost 5 years old, it’s my first foray into the world of researching and registering for summer camps. Not only was I taken aback by the costs of many of them, I was feeling a bit ridiculous having to make these decisions in January – over 4 months away from school-end. Well, that was nothing compared to the fact that a few weeks ago, I enrolled my girls in the extended care program for Kindergarten next year – when this year's winter session is still in progress!

Yes, I did. I turned in the enrollment form and paid my deposit to keep my spaces for my twins. Is that ridiculous or what? All I can say is it’s because the local YMCA is falling down on the job. There are two options for extended care – one program supervised by the local YMCA, the other by a local church. And I have not heard good things about the YMCA’s program.

Another twins mom friend related a story to me about her Kindergarten girls in the YMCA program at their school. No one had told her there was anything amiss with the program, so she signed her girls up. After a few days, her girls came home with a new vocabulary of swear words asking about things Kindergarteners shouldn’t know yet. So she became suspicious and thought she would check it out. What she found was chaos.

Summer Camps - Starting Now Will Save My Sanity

It's January in Silicon Valley and our summer plans are almost complete. Crazy, isn't it? That I had to research, review and decide on where my "entering K" twins will be spending their days beginning in mid-June - almost 4 1/2 months away - for the summer? But such is life and I thank this blog for the many warnings (posts) last year around this time to enroll early to save one's sanity (and hair).

Yea, I could have taken the easy route. I could have chosen the summer school program at their current preschool BUT I wanted my girls to have fun. I don't have specific memories when I was really young about my summers but I do remember in later years, that summer felt like a break from the regular school year. Fun was key and that's what I want my girls to remember. Their current academically-oriented preschool touts a summer program that's more fun, less structured and unlike the regular school year - yea rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrright. I've heard a much different story. And since my girls would enter the public Kindergarten in our district, there was no need to keep them in their current private preschool. So, I resolved to plan early and find fun programs. Besides, I figured there had to be much less expensive summer programs in the area than their current private preschool.

Surprise! Not necessarily.

My First Brush With A Little Teenager ‘Tude

So, my girls are almost 5 years old. Coincidentally, the years of experience I have had with raising children is almost 5 years.  ;-)  So when we vacationed with 3 teenagers this last week, including my 15-year-old nephew, I was a bit at a loss at times. They’re not children (as they’ll certainly point out) and they’re not adults (no drinking jokes or otherwise…yet). They can do a lot of things for themselves that almost-5-year-olds can’t – and they’d prefer to, apparently – but I just can’t control that mommy in me. In fact, at one point, I commented to my nephew, “Yea, I know. I’m sounding like your mom instead of your aunt.” To which, he just grinned.

There were 4 families with us for a few days (not at the same time) at a cabin in Lake Tahoe. During the first half of the week, two families stayed with us. One of the families included the other two teenagers – one a freshman in college, the other was another 15-year-old (a girl). There were also my twin almost-5-year-old girls and a 6-year-old girl. During the second half of the week, a couple different families stayed with us (with children around our twins’ age). When we were dividing up the beds and rooms, I thought that it would be fine for my 15-year-old nephew to sleep in the same room as my twin girls.

“That won’t work,” commented Mel, the mom of the two teenage girls. “Trust me,” she said.

A Little Magical Help This Season

So I was a little late to this particular phenomenon this season but I’m certainly glad I caught on. The girls were out of school the entire week, making it difficult to finish the cleaning and holiday decorating that still needed to be done (did Christmas vacation have to start so early in school?). This holiday season turned out to be quite busy this year, much more so than previous years (starting a business around this time of year sucked up a lot of the time I’d planned to spend on holiday sorts of things). Add the fact that the girls would be home all day on the most critical days of the season (leading up to Christmas), how was I going to get ANYthing done?

But a client told me about “The Elf On The Shelf,” and I couldn’t resist the story. It found a home in our house and it had sparked the curiosity…and good behavior…of my 4-year-old girls. Though we have done an advent calendar each year since they were born, my girls woke up even more excited to hunt for Comet Frosty (I let each of my twins give him a name, though they much preferred just calling him Mr. Elf) after their treat on the calendar.

I’ve read the book to them with the “rules” several times already (love that “rules” have such an impact on 4-year-olds), embellishing a few details here and there.

“But Mommy, how can Mr. Elf see me from there?”

To which I replied, “Remember, he’s a magical elf, baby girl. He may not see you but his ears are very, very good. Mr. Elf can hear you even if you’re upstairs in your bedroom.”

The look of understanding on her face was, shall I say, satisfying. heh heh heh Their eyes strayed to Mr. Elf's then-current spot each time they passed him by.

They loved the illustrations in the book and always asked new questions each reading. But the great benefit of this story was the unexpected help I enjoyed.