Silicon Valley Moms Blog

What Really Counts

I don't know if it's just me thinking this, but aren't the Christmas decorations up way earlier this year in the stores?  In fact, right after the Election, I was at the mall with 3 year old TJ, when he yelled, "Mommy, Mommy!  There's Santa Claus!" 

At first, I looked around, asking "Oh?  Do you see a picture of Santa?", expecting to find a poster of Santa somewhere.  "No, Mommy, it's actually Santa!  He's right there!"  As I looked to where he was pointing, there was Santa in the flesh, standing at the entrance of The Picture People Store, waving his 100 watt smile, standing ready to hand out holiday promotional flyers.

I guess retailers are hitting tough times and it's time to bring out what sells --- nostalgia, family, and jingle bell times.  Against the sobering economic crisis our country is facing, all this marketing of Christmas stuff has really got me thinking. 

The stores are focusing on what they need to do to make it through this economic winter.  What about me, as a Mom?  What is most important to us as family during these hard times?  Just as the stores are trying to distract us from our worries by having us consume, what should my response be?

Firing the Housekeeper

We all know that times are tough right now. No matter where you live, families everywhere are struggling to make ends meet.

But I’m feeling pretty lucky right now. I’m so relieved I’m not one of those moms who’s just had to let the housecleaner go, hands wringing at the prospect while she tries to get her head around the fact that she is going to have to clean her own toilets from now on. While my toilets may not always be as pristine as hers, there’s no big shock in store for me. I do it myself. Always have.

As for the rest of the house, I usually judge its day-to-day cleanliness on a scale of “How Mortified Would I Be if a Friend Dropped By For Coffee,” with Only Moderately being my most frequent answer. I know I’m having a good day when the answer isn’t Extremely or Do Not Let Them In Under Any Circumstances. The Not At All – Bring it On answer is usually reserved for those last five minutes prior the arrival of dinner party guests. So nothing's really changed there either.

No More Toys!

“Do NOT throw those toys down onto the ground!  You’ll break it” I said to my son in frustration.  It was the third time he decided to throw down the special Transformers his grandpa had brought back from an international trip (my son’s specific request was for Bumblebee – and wouldn’t you know Grandpa just happened to find a toy store in France that had it).  The Transformers were supposed to be the ones to duking it out in an epic battle – but the pavement seemed to be winning the war.

“It’s okay, mom” he nonchalantly replied.  “”If it breaks, you’ll buy me another one at the store.”

Uh, excuse me? what did you just say? back up it up, buster!  My four year old son thinks that it is perfectly acceptable to trash his toys because he knows more are coming?  When did this kid put that reasoning together?  We aren’t at the store buying toys left and right.

Valuable lessons: I don't really need All That

Since starting to spend less money over the past month, my husband and I have been very pleased to rediscover that we really don't need All That. Stuff. Dining Out. New Shiny Things. Extra Things. More, More, More. We can actually get by just fine on what we have. We've gone back to basics and are both happier for it. (Mostly...I confess that I am missing my The Dailey Method class and the stress relief that affords...must try to fit that back in somehow.)

The kids? Well, one day a few weeks ago, on the way to preschool I was listening to some of NPR's analysis of the financial crisis. It is hard for kids NOT to hear about it, right? News of this is everywhere. They asked what it was about and I said "We all have a money problem. Everyone in the United States...and in the world, has a money problem right now. And that's why Mommy and Daddy aren't spending a lot of money right now. We are only buying the things we need and are only spending as much money as we have." I tried to keep it simple. Some questions were asked. Like can't you just go get some more? They offered to help make some more credit cards for us (no thanks!). It is hard to explain such abstract concepts to 4-year-olds - after all, they see us using credit cards (well, debit cards) all the time and rarely do they see the physical limit of cash. When we do need cash, we go to the bank and push buttons to get some out. Simple, right? How can there be a problem?

My House, My Escape Hatch No More

With the economy going down the drain, it's been pretty stressful cutting expenses.  It's not just a matter of investments losing value, but the reality of what a downturn in the economy jeopardizes:  jobs and the cost of living.  And to prepare for the day that we may very well be going through our rainy day funds, we've been taking out what I call "mommy-sanity" safety nets.

It's been a couple years now since I decided to quit my full-time job to take care of TJ at home.  It still feels like a very recent change, compared to all the years I've been out in the corporate world.  I have to admit that I'm still learning to adjust to living without a lot of the perks and goodies of making my own money and having the freedom to spend without worrying about kids, mortgage, and future expenses.

Still, when we sat down to take our roomy two-income budget to a modest one-income version, there were some items that were moved outside the line of veto.  These were things I felt I needed to have as a mom, so that I could stay clear of being run ragged, that might push my beyond the limits of sanity.  I felt these were my mommy perks, that would help remind me that "Bonnie" was still there, although minimized under the weight of new mommy responsibilities.

And with the tumbling of the Dow, these mommy-sanity safety nets have also been taken down and put away.

Riding "it" Out

When the dot-com bubble burst in Silicon Valley back in lates 90s, I was a recent college grad.  I hoped that my entry-level salary and my passion to get the job done would keep me employed while nearly every start-up failed and companies were reducing their workforce.  I not only survived but received a promotion just weeks after the company reduced its staff by 10 percent.

This time it is more than just a high-tech bubble that has burst.  What once looked like just a real estate slump has turned into a major economic crisis.  Instead of worrying only about whether or not I will continue to be employed, I’ve watched my retirement, my home’s value, and my child’s college fund all significantly depreciate in just two weeks.  While my instinct has told me to pull out, to get out, to start saving my cash under the mattress… I am mostly doing nothing. 

Sure we are saving more and spending less.  But in the scheme of things, we are riding out the storm.

We have never been major spenders in our household.  Saving always seemed to play into our personal strengths.  We save for our retirement that's still 30+ years away, began saving for our child's college education before he was even born, and saved until we had 20% to put down on our home purchase.  And we are continuing to save even more.  While once happy with a 6 month "rainy day" fund, we now feel like we need to increase that to at least 12 months.  Who knows how long the economy will tank.  Who knows how much is the "safe" amount to have saved.   We can't rely on anyone but ourselves. 

When Will We Be Hit?

The statement that arrived last month showed our college savings down, but I tried to stay optimistic. I told myself it's a set back, but we have time for things to bounce back. However, now, a few weeks later, my optimism is pretty much wiped out and I fear the next slew of statements - college, retirement and rainy day funds all diminished. My only shred of optimism tells me we're lucky because we're young, a long way off from retirement, and our kids are young too, giving us time to boost their college funds. So in the meantime, I wait.

The news is bad and impossible to ignore, but I'm waiting to see what this really, directly means for me and my family. Will this mean increased financial stress or a full blown Christmas-is-called-off depression? Until an answer is clear, I'm putting most things on hold.

My personal economic bail out plan!

I am $850.37 richer. Whoohoo!! That's a lot of money. How did I get it? I returned things that I never used, never opened, never wore or were otherwise taking up space in my house...and sucking my pocketbook dry.

I am an impulse shopper. If I see something that looks interesting, that I could possibly need, or I think I will need, I buy it. It's a terrible habit I have developed while racing through the store with three little kids that want to be home. No time to think, just grab and buy. It has got to stop. The state of the economy had me thinking, and not sleeping. During those early morning hours, I started cleaning house, cleaning out closets...and finding stuff. It didn't take very long before I had collected quite a haul. Yesterday, I returned it all....and added up the receipts. The number hit me in the gut. Big words like recession, economic depression, stock market crash, economic bail out plan run through my head. I thought I was minding my budget, apparently not as well as I thought. The solution is simple, I need a personal economic bail out plan.  Until I figure one out, I am locking myself in the house. 

This is an original Silicon Valley moms blog post by Heather. While locked in the house, Heather hopes to keep her sanity by posting more blogs.

Saving money using the 80-20 Rule

The recent financial crisis has hit our family in a big way. Not directly - we don't work on Wall Street. But Silicon Valley tech is not immune and we are nervous, to say the least. We have been tightening our belts for at least the past 18 months, but this truly reaches another level. We are making some BIG changes in our lives. The basic theme is to try to follow the 80-20 rule in our household. As my dad reminded me the other night, this is what my great-grandparents lived by - 10% to charity, 10% to savings, 80% is what you live on and no matter how much you want something that is outside of these parameters, you don't get it. No such thing as credit. Unlike past attempts to create and stick to a budget, my husband and I are really committed to this. We just have to be.

Here are just a few of things we're doing to save money:

Google Behaving Badly

Given that Google is chalk full of Googlaires – the employees that struck it rich when the company when public – perhaps co-founder Sergey Brin thinks it’s time to take back some of the employees cold hard cash.  Google is increasing their onsite daycare costs by 75%.  Employees who were paying $1400 a month in infant care will now pay almost $2500 a month; well over what is considered the market rate.

Perhaps Brin is testing out the economic theory of supply and demand that he learned while studying at Stanford.  Increase the cost to elitist proportions and see how the demand changes.  And it sounds like Google parents are deciding that onsite daycare is no longer a benefit but a burden.  The wait list at the Kinderplex has already dropped by more than 50%. 

Carpooling is Saving Money, the Environment… and my Marriage

When I started a new job in January that was less than a mile from my spouse’s office, he suggested that we start carpooling.  Gas prices were increasing and we were trying to find alternative ways to reduce our carbon footprint.  I wasn’t at all interesting in carpooling.  It seemed like a big hassle just for saving a few dollars at the pump.  It would require both of us to be cooperative, synchronize our schedules, and be understanding when one of us needed to come in early or stay a little later.  In other words, it seemed near impossible to me. 

Seeing how enthusiastic my spouse was over the notion of getting to use the carpool lane, I started to come around to the idea.  When he offered to do all the driving, I decided to give it a trial run.  Our goal was to carpool three or more days a week.  I honestly thought that we wouldn’t make it past a month before we’d be back to driving separately. 

The first month was like a honeymoon period.  I was in a new role at a new company.  While I was getting up to speed on the projects I would be managing and learning the lay of the land, it was easy to come in at 8:30 and leave by 5:00pm.   Carpooling was dreamy during the first month.  Literally.  I often took a cat nap on the way home from the office. My spouse was at the wheel and I was relaxing.  We carpooled nearly every day – saving over 50% on our gas bill.  We felt pretty smug about ourselves.

Parent Education IS The Big Picture

When I first signed up my four-year-old twins for co-op preschool at Explorer Parent Participation Preschool near Willow Glen in San Jose, I was a bit daunted by all of the parent requirements - would I be able to keep up with the required classroom time, maintenance days, fundraising, scrip purchases, and committee work? One thing that I never viewed as a burdensome requirement, but instead a great benefit, is the mandatory attendance of twice-monthly parent education classes ("PECs") put on by the school - once a month in the evening and once a month during the daytime while my kids are in their preschool class. Since being involved with my twins club, I had started to see what benefits regular parent education - in the form of professional speakers, materials and focused discussion - can bring. Information, preparation, tools, new ideas, a feeling of working together...and that you're not alone in your parenting struggles. Now I get this benefit at my kids' preschool from the very competent teachers as

Why aren't more people asking us to donate money for Tabasco Flood Relief?

'This is not just the worst natural catastrophe in the state's history but, I would venture to say, one of the worst in the recent history of the country,' Mexican President Felipe Calderon, talking about the flood in Tabasco, Mexico.

BBC News: More than one million people are believed to be affected, with 300,000 thought to be trapped in their homes and more rain forecast in coming days.

Hi there, people of the silicon valley and web!  Today, I have a question for you.  Do you have a housekeeper, a gardener, a babysitter or nanny, or another house worker who is from Mexico?  Have you ever been waited on, had your food cooked by, or your table bussed by someone from Mexico?  If you're a mom, have you had some of the Mexican people, with their lovely, child-supportive culture, give you kind looks and a helping hand when your WASPy neighbors were ignoring you?  Have you or your children derived benefit from the added dimension that our overlay of Mexican culture in California gives you - in any way?

OK, now tell me this.  Have you reached into your pockets and sent money to the people of Tabasco, currently reeling from one of the biggest catastrophes to happen to Mexico in years?

Me either.

Why is this?

Today on the radio, I heard a statement that  went straight to my heart.  "Please ask the people of the world to turn their eyes onto Tabasco," the man said.  It made me think.  I haven't heard any news of local moms holding bake sales to benefit the people of Tabasco, Mexico, and I haven't seen any mails sent out in my email groups about how to help.  Nobody has made it easy for me to just Paypal dollars, you know?

Welcome back to school...now open your wallets!

I recently wrote an article for Work It, Mom! on the subject of going back to school. My particular take on the issue comes from being a parent of a new kindergartener faced with having to donate money hither and yon for the privilege of attending our neighborhood public school.

The primary reason we moved from San Francisco to our city (I'm purposely not naming it for privacy reasons) was for the schools. That my husband got a job offer that landed us here right when were beginning to look around at San Francisco schools, we believe, was kismet or fate or whatever you want to call it. 

My husband, being a "crunch the numbers" kinda guy, looked at all the test scores and other qualitative school information across Silicon Valley and felt confident we were making the right decision by moving here. I grew up in the area and am a former school teacher so I also felt we were making the right decision.  But my brother cast the first shadow across our decision by commenting, "I wouldn't want my kids going to school with Google-aires."*

*Google-aires: people who made their money on Google stock.

Uh-Oh, I'm Having an Identity Crisis

Hey guess what!  I just bought an iPhone.  For someone I have never met.  Why would I do such a thing, you ask?  Was it generosity?   Random act of retail kindness?  Nope, none of that.  In fact, I had no idea I had done it at all until I saw an unfamiliar $400+ charge on my bank statement yesterday, and thus began a thrilling afternoon of closing bank accounts, making tons of phone calls (including the Apple store, which, I suspect, has seen this particular issue once or twice before) and generally bemoaning the sorry state of humanity.  (Duh, stupid identity-stealing person--don't buy a phone--it's like attaching a GPS to your ass. Haven't you seen The Wire?)

So, for any of you who have not been through this particular species of hell (and there are currently over 165 million of us whose data has been breached in some form or fashion, according to Privacy Rights Clearinghouse, a consumer advocacy organization), I offer Susan's Steps to Surviving Identity Theft: 

1. Make or buy yourself a nice cup of coffee.  It's gonna be a long afternoon.  I recommend

Family Values - Does Your Lifestyle Reflect Yours?

Rebecca's recent post about how national political candidates involve their children in their campaigns has brought up some interesting family values discussion.  I'm sure it's not the last of what we'll hear over the next year all over the media, but I'd like to focus on another aspect of family values - ours.  I've been reading a few books lately on a personal level about parenting, financial planning, and family life, and they all have common, underlying themes about how to live by your own values.

Take this blog post, for example.  I began writing it, then I stopped to play with my daughter, then I put sunscreen on her so she could go outside.  Then before I submitted it for publication, I rested and ate breakfast.  How does this reflect our family's values?

Am I The Only One?

I have been a SAHM for a little over 2 years now.  Love the mom part.  Hate the housekeeper part.  I just can't seem to get everything done.  Our house is only 1200 square feet so it shouldn't be too hard right?  I only have one child!

While at playgroup the other day, I asked the other mom's how they get everything done.  Every single one of them has a house cleaner!!  Some of them once a week, others once a month.  One even has someone who cooks for them!!!!  I was shocked.  Am I the only one without a house cleaner???

I have mixed feelings about this.  I would love to have a house cleaner for sure, but part of me thinks it just isn't right.  Yes, my child and I do lots of things out of the house so we aren't home all the time, but we are still at home a lot.  It seems like I should be able to get it all done, but it doesn't seem to happen.  Maybe it is all the blog reading I do....haha!  Another issue is the money.  Money is already a bit stretched so is paying someone else to do something I could do worth it?

Finally, after thinking about this for a week I decided to write down all I do.  I figured if I saw it all written down I would know whether a house cleaner was worth it or not.  I won't post my list but let's just say it was long (as I am sure you all know)!  I have decided to look into getting some help.  While I don't totally agree, it would free up some of my time to read blogs keep on top of the day to day stuff and might just help my sanity.

Is this a Silicon Valley thing?  Do SAHM's in other states pay for house cleaners?  I seem to be the only one around here that doesn't have one!  Help me out mom's...do you have someone to help you out with house cleaning?

Cross posted at Freitas Family

Wimbledom, Venus, and Equal Pay

When Venus Williams won women's singles at Wimbledom this year, she made history.  Not only was she the lowest-rank female to ever win the title, she also received the same purse as the male winner.  Wimbledom finally gave into pressure and announced in February to pay women the same as men.  And it makes me wonder how many other professional jobs haven't made this jump.  This radical jump that feminists fought for in the women's movement over 30 years ago. 

Women earned 59% of the wages men earned in 1963; in 2005 we earned 81% of men's wages—an improvement of about half a penny per dollar earned every year. Why is there still such a disparity?  Women have made enormous progress in the workforce since the Equal Pay Act, but the stubborn fact remains that four-and-a-half decades later the basic goal of the act has not been realized.

Working in high-tech in Silicon Valley, I'm sure that I am paid well.  I am also sure that I am paid less than my male counterparts, have less of a chance of breaking through the glass ceiling and into the Executive ladder, and therefore have less life-long earning potential.  It's a sad reality for 2007. 

By the end of my life-time, my male counterparts will have earned nearly two million dollars more than I will have.  TWO MILLION DOLLARS.  I've signed the MomRising petition for "Equal Pay for Equal Work." I want to see this change in my lifetime.  This isn't a legacy that we should be proud to pass to our daughters.

Birthday Party Madness

My son turns three in less than a month.  And until this week, I hadn’t even thought about his birthday party.  By SV standards, I feel like I should have started six months ago.  The birthday parties here are outrageous. Out. Of. Control.  It seems to me that kid parties have become a new status symbol for the parents. 

We have gone to parties at Gymboree, Pump It Up, and Lemos Farm.  We have been to “home” parties with jumpy houses the size of my old apartment.  Pony Rides, Balloon Animals, Clowns, Musicians, Mad Scientists all seem like standard requirements. We’ve been to at least three parties with more than one of these special performers.  We’ve seen them all.  With my event planner background, I can’t help but do the math.  And I see significant $$$ signs.  Parties that easily cost hundreds of dollars.  Just for the entertainment.

Then add in the full catering.  The house covered in decorations.  The extravagant goody-bags.  The designer cake.  These parties can easily tip the scales to close to a thousand buckaroos.  For a three year old.  Like I said, OUTRAGEOUS.

This past weekend, I went to the dollar store and picked up a pack of invitations, a pack of plates, and cups.  Then I found the cutest jump ropes with wooden animals for handles.  Picked up 9 of those for the kids (birthday boy needs a party favor too).  For $12, I have his party basically complete.  I plan on making cupcakes (he wants them to look like baseballs) and returning to the dollar store the day of the party to get balloons which will serve double duty: my only party decoration and an addition to the party favors for the kids.  Those supplies will put me under $20 total.  Adding a homemade veggie platter for the adults and I’ll be at $40 max.

Perhaps my party will be seen as a laughing stock of my neighborhood.  I just will not cannot justify spending an insane amount of money on a birthday party for a three year old.  Hundreds of dollars seem like a total waste for kids that can basically have fun anywhere. 

Yet I wonder if a kid will arrive to a party, see that there isn’t any paid entertainment, and ask “Where's the jumpy house??”

This is what they mean by “fixer-upper”

I’m not afraid to say that we paid about $800,000 for a home that “needs a little work.”  We decided to buy in the South Bay where $800,000 would buy use a little larger of a property with a slightly bigger house than staying more central in Silicon Valley.  If you do a search for Sunnyvale, Cupertino, Palo Alto, or Mountain View – you are not going to find much, if anything, in our price range.

I have family that lives out of state where for $450,000 you can get a 15-acre lot with a 5000 sq foot home.  When we told them that we bought a 1650 sq foot home on an 8000 sq ft lot, they had a big laugh.  When we told them that it was a fixer-upper, they rolled on the floor and got belly aches from laughing so hard.  And then they asked what it meant to be a “fixer-upper.” 

Here’s our list of things that have to be improved in the next 3-6 months. 

1. New roof with gutters (the house does not currently have gutters).  Cost = $8,000

2. Awning over front door (one does not exist today, either) Cost = $1000

3. Retro-fit chimney that was damaged in the 1989 earthquake and never fixed.  Cost = $3000

4. Replace broken sinks and faucets in the bathrooms and kitchen.  I haven’t priced this one yet, but if I keep it simple (aka the cheapest option) it should cost under $1000 to complete all three.  We have to install them ourselves, but this is a DIY project I know we can do. 

5. Replace rusty cook-top and hood.  Cost = $1000. And we have to install it ourselves (thank God my FIL is a retired electrician)

6. Paint kitchen cabinets and replace hardware to avoid doing a full remodel. Cost = $200

7. Window coverings.  Right now we have the very sheik taped printer-paper on all the front windows.  Cost = $2000 for all windows in the house.

Total additional cost for 2007: $16,000. 

And these are only the planned expenses.  Who knows what is going to break or go wrong while we are working on these items.  I’m already nervous about our old dryer and refrigerator that are not only totally wasting energy but also appear to be on their last leg.  I wish I could be more “green” and replace them, but that is another couple grand that we just don’t have in our budget. 

Oh, and I already have a running list on what we are going to “fix” in 2008.  This includes replacing the kitchen countertops (we have 15 year old Formica – need I say more??), re-tiling one bathroom floor, replacing all the outlets so that they are grounded, landscaping the front yard, and making a small garden in the back. 

Any dream that I may have had about being a SAHM or working part-time just went out the window with the purchase of this home. 

The Feminine Mistake

After working moms getting praised and slapped last week for working... the Stay-At-Home Moms are now in the whipping seat. 

There's been a lot of talk about career women who give it all up to raise their children. Some say it's a throwback to another generation. But for those who can afford to be stay at home Moms, it's a difficult, and very personal, decision. A controversial new book, “The Feminine Mistake”, by Vanity Fair writer, Leslie Bennetts looks at the risks women take when they put their careers on hold, even for a short time. Leslie Bennetts was invited to appear on TODAY to discuss her book.

In a nutshell, Bennetts argues that opting-out is a high risk gamble that doesn't pay off for most women.  Benetts goes on to say that most women who quit their jobs do so intending to return to work when their children are older, but they are often unaware of how many barriers there are to opting back in.  Through her research she found that there are tremendous financial penalties for taking a time out. The more time you spend out of the work force, the harder it is to get back in, and the higher the financial price you pay.

Bennetts was on the TODAY show this morning discussing her book.  There is also an iVillage interview with a debate going on in the comments section.  On Today's website, there is a poll for Can women be moms and have careers? Interestingly, the poll results show about 70% of people saying that we can.  But what kills me is that about 10% say that women can't but men can.  I am so freaking sick of this double standard.

As a working mom myself, many of the risks that Bennetts listed (economic dependence, loss of career/title/pay, fear of divorce/widow) are all reasons that kept me working.  The feminist in me was not comfortable being economically dependent on my spouse.  Not to mention that I didn't have a large saving account or cushion to make staying at home an option.  I am also in an industry (high-tech) where the landscape can change every six months.  Taking an extended leave would have made it incredibly difficult to stay current with my skills.  Mix that with having to eat like a college student again since we would be dirt poor - and my decision to keep working was pretty easy to make.

Bennetts says that "It's vital to keep up with your field, to maintain your contacts and update your skills so they don't become obsolete. If you're going to do volunteer work, consider doing it in your professional field, because running the bake sale at your children's school is not going to help you with potential employers. And while you're home, make sure you're knowledgeable about and involved with the family finances."

While this all seems common sense; my famous quote at work is "Common sense is NOT common knowledge."  But I wonder, how many women really opt-out with expectations that their marriage won't fail, that they'll let their husband take care of the finances because he is the man after all, that after taking 7 years off to raise three kids that all they'll have to do is sent out their dusty resume and they'll get a new fabulous career in a jiffy.  Are we, women, really that dumb?  I don't think so.

All I know, is that in the whole mommy wars thing, I'm glad that the working moms aren't getting torched today. 

Being a Silicon Valley Mom is Hard Work

Being a mom in Silicon Valley is hard.  It is even more difficult to be the mom in a one income family.  We live in the land of "keeping up with the Jones', and it is really tough to keep up.

In the Valley, there are more $300 strollers and the kids wearing Polo then anywhere I have ever seen.  People in the local mom's group are always asking for information on the European trips they are taking with their kids or where to stay in Hawaii with their family.  Mom's drive Volvo's, BMW station wagons and, of course, mini vans with every bell and whistle possible.

You are probably thinking that I am jealous....you are right!  I want all of these things!  Now I know that having all of these things don't necessarily make people happy and many of these families are probably in debt.  I would just like to have a little breathing room at the end of each month to save for something like a trip to Hawaii.

I think that staying home is doing great things for my daughter but I really miss the money!!!  It is so hard to be a young family in this area.  I will always be craving things that I can't have but hopefully the time will come where we can start saving to do these things we are not doing now. 

I know that if we stay the course we will have more flexibility with money later down the road. For now I will drive my old Explorer and dream of a day when I may have my own Volvo.  The Jones' ain't got nothing on me!   

Allowances, The Next Gen

The Wall Street Journal recently published an interesting article about the next generation of allowance options: "Allowance 2.0". But here in Silicon Valley, one must be careful using the term 2.0. But I do agree with one thing that relates web 2.0 and allowances; the game has changed. Just as kids have become more savvy with the Internet, they have also become more sophisticated with understanding financial options. Can parents just give their kids quarters for their coin bank as an allowance or will cashless allowances become the standard? In this new world, how should parents handle allowances?

I have to admit, our blog was contacted by John Jurgensen from the Wall Street Journal to obtain feedback for this article. We forwarded his request to many moms in the area.  It seems he did his homework. I talked to him a couple of times about my experience with my 8 year old son. My husband and I tried to combine our son's love of music with an allowance by setting up an iTunes allowance.  I thought it would be such a great surprise, my son would do his homework and then get to choose songs for his iPod using his iTunes allowance. He loves listening to music on his iPod. But, when I told my son about the iTunes allowance he said he would rather get quarters for his special quarter bank. Quarters! Twenty Five cents! 

But the more I think about it, my son may have figured out that at the end of the month he can collect more money in quarters by doing extra chores then one $10 iPod allowance. Maybe my reward system was flawed. In the end, I think virtual cash is too abstract for an 8-year old. Except when he earns virtual dollars for getting math equations correct on his Leapster L-max. He seems to get excited about that even though he can't use that cash, it is only a reward. Go figure. 

BusyMom.net also discussed the article and the quest to find a good allowance solution. She listed one of the online allowance managers called Pay Jr. David Jones, the CEO of Pay Jr. commented on that post with a cost comparison between online allowance managers.  Other online allowance managers listed in the Wall Street Journal article were EasyChild and My Reward Board . Prepaid debit card options such as Mastercards Allow card were also discussed. And an interesting section of the article had examples of the allowances given by some celebs and good hints on how to pay your kids.

For those Crackberry moms like myself, the article includes details about a mom who tracks her kids allowance with her BlackBerry. The next gen allowance options are endless. And we have not even implemented plans for including saving for charity into the mix. I think for now I will stay with the quarters. Using quarters has been a great lesson in finance for my 8 year old. When we go to Target instead of asking me to buy him a toy, he asks me if I can exchange his quarters for dollars to put in his wallet before we go.  He feels embarrassed paying for his Pokemon cards in quarters.

A different way to give

I don't know about you, but I'm pretty fed up with Christmas.  Not the religious aspect (I love that part).  But the consumerist, entitled, must-out-do-everyone-else attitude that so many people have come to think of about Christmas.   I'm sick of the store shops playing Christmas music and decorating their stores in Christmas-themed crap.  I'm sick of how my religion has become the retail holiday where people spend more than they should and regret it come January.  I'm sick of agonizing over the perfect gift for a family member only to find out later it was re-gifted or returned for the cash.  Where has Christmas gone? 

Each year my mother's extended family has a get-together for Christmas.  And each year we have a gift exchange.  We follow the white-elephant game rules with a themed gift of $25.  It's fun to play, but we are all adults now.  Do any of us really need another gift certificate to Cheesecake Factory or a couple of DVDs?  So this year I am doing something different.  Something that my family will most likely cringe at - I'm sure the person that ends up with my gift will be pissed.  But I don't care.  It's the right thing to do. 

I'm buying a different kind of gift certificate.  A socially responsible one.  I've purchased a certificate at Kiva.org - a wonderful site that gives loans to individuals that otherwise wouldn't have financing.  It's called micro-credit and it has changed the economic landscape in many developing countries.  The father of microcredit won the Nobel Peace Prize this year. Kiva allows for individuals (like you and me) to be a part of the revolutionary concept. 

The lender (YOU) picks a business plan that appeals to you and finances a portion (or all if you are feeling generous) of the loan.  The loan is repayed usually within 6-12 months.  You can then re-invest your money in a different business or withdraw your money.  So far Kiva has boasted a 100% repayment rate.

For those of you who love online shopping, want to support working mothers, want to make a difference in the world, or are simply fed up with the sense of entitlement around Christmas - please consider giving to Kiva.org.  It's a different way to give this season.

Date-Night Nanny

Saw a listing recently from a mom offering her services as a date-night nanny. Wow, I thought, what the heck is a date-night nanny? I scrolled down to read the full posting. She’ll work 6-10 pm, she’ll bring her toddler with her, and she’ll do chores like cooking and folding laundry. And she’ll charge $18 to $24 an hour, depending on said chores. Hmm, I thought, isn’t watching someone's kids in the evening called babysitting? And don’t teens usually do it? And charge, well, at least something down in the single digits? Though this must be some miracle mom, who can chase her toddler, feed my kids, and still fold laundry. Still….

    But I guess here in Silicon Valley we’re only supposed to have nannies, never babysitters. In which case I’ll never get a date night, because that’d mean a burger at In-N-Out and a movie with my husband would cost something on the order of $120, even without the laundry folding. Time to invest in Netflix.

In A Rich Man's World

"Money, money, money...must be funny...in a rich man's world." - Abba

In the quest for posts about money, we SV Moms discovered that most of us feel as if we don't have enough - myself included. But one of the questions posed was: what's it like for those who do? I can tell you one thing for sure: they still gawk at the cost of housing in the Bay Area.

I've had the pleasure of knowing a handful of people who are technically billionaires and several who are multimillionaires. Those that I've known over the years - I'm sorry to disappoint - are all kind, intelligent, extremely generous, hard-working people. Maybe no more so than you or I, but I can't say anything bad about them. In fact, without their incredible philanthropy, many of the causes and arts we hold dear, like pure scientific research and local orchestras, would not be able to survive.

I'm not sure why, but I harbored the incorrect assumption as a child that all financially successful were mean and miserly. Then one day, I looked around and realized many of my neighbors were quite wealthy and were some of the nicest, smartest, most confident people I'd ever met. (For those of you who know the reference, I grew up down the street from the man who wrote What's the Matter With Kansas?.) While in college, I became friends with a few people who later fared quite well in the dotcom era and fit a similar profile.

So what's it like for those who have money? I've heard stories about private jet trips around the world, buying houses in cash, parties with Donald Trump and supermodels, having race horses as a hobby, collecting priceless works of art, second homes with multiple acres, and vacationing on yachts. I know, we're all feeling really sorry for them now. On the flip side, however, are the enormous insurance costs, realistic security fears (concerns for kidnappings and ransom of family members), constant media scrutiny and incessant panderers at every turn. Everyone wants something from them - their time, their endorsement, and/or their dollars.

Just because they're wealthy doesn't mean they blow money right and left, however. These people didn't become rich by squandering cash; they know how to be frugal, how to negotiate and get a good deal. I remember one of my friends bartering with the cashier at Just Desserts in Palo Alto for a deal for four pieces of cake. He was honing his skills for negotiating with VCs. Clearly, it worked.

In my experience, people with money also tend to keep their good friends very close. They're not stuffy about who their friends are and they don't discriminate about whether they are also rolling in the dough; on the contrary, they are generous almost to a fault in order to make their friends comfortable so that they may participate in the same activities. They just want to hold onto people they trust. It may be easier for them to connect with others in similar situations, but that's true for most of us. Overall, I'd say we can all learn from those with money - not just in how to make it, but how to make good use of it as well.