Silicon Valley Moms Blog

How to Throw an Outdoor Party when you don't have an Outdoor Fireplace

I'll lay it out right here, I've thrown me some kick-ass parties. From Star Wars cakes and light sabers to an all chocolate shindig (pre-kids), people leave full and happy. I would never deem to describe my parties as anything but casual, even when I was childless and prepared multiple course Thanksgiving and passover meals. In fact, I pride myself on committing more faux-pas than my guests, just to make them feel at ease - ya, that's it.

From getting kicked out of the bowling alley for serving cupcakes, to running out of food just as my pregnant friend showed up.  Not to mention another pregnant friend who accidentally drank the water-hydrogen peroxide mix I'd made up to induce vomiting after the dog had at a big old hunk of chocolate - good thing we had a doctor on hand to relieve our fears, coincidentally also pregnant, sheesh. I've already had a big outdoor barbecue to kick off the summer, and thought about one more, so was eager to read some tips I found in the paper. Since pretty much none of the ideas fit in with my "lifestyle" I decided to include my own (in blue non-italics below). This was actually taken from a longer piece in the Washington Post, but I'm choosing to ignore the rest.

Impromptu Get-Together - if your friends seem to need at least 2 1/2 weeks notice for any sort of get-together, don't stress. It may take a few years, but you'll eventually realize they are not all out having fun or traveling to exotic places while you're stuck at home.

C'mon Summer, Slow Down

I'm sitting in my husband's comfy chair and I have about three hours to myself.  Sure I need to go to the grocery, fold three loads of laundry, empty the dishwasher, shower, get dressed and look for a job. The house is clean and the kids are playing soccer, what more could I ask? 

I was actually quite worried about this summer stuck in the bay area. 

This is the first summer I've had a summer "off" in twenty two years. I'm jumping on the recession friendly carefree summer bandwagon, barring a few swimming and skateboard lessons and Y camps for my kids.  I had a vision: entire days being taken up with skateboarding, soccer and guitar hero (I know there are worse things), so I wrote up a list of 50 activities from which to choose.  I scoured the local Silicon Valley sites: Savvy Source page for parks with water play areas and creeks and budgeted in theme parks such as Great America and Santa Cruz Beach boardwalk.  I included educational activities like math games, reading time at the library and create your own books, plus promised trips to Monterey Bay Aquarium and CA Academy of Sciences. 

Yet, I worrry. How do I make time for networking and focus on the job search?  I planned to take the summer off, but I really need to be in the work force this fall. 

Cool By Proxy

It might be hard to imagine (not, as my son would say), but I was not a cool kid. I was middle class in an uber-rich area, with nerdy parents (who dared to hang with their work buddies not the country club set) and smart friends.  My mom made me cut the labels off my Marshalls designer jeans and never once took my friends to Raging Waters for my birthday. Really, the only thing that saved me from complete social oblivion was having a Dad willing to drive us all to see Duran Duran.

I thought I might get my mojo at college. I mean, I wasn't a total geek, just a nerd, and I knew enough not to wear floods or tuck my shirt into my jeans. I just blended into the crowd, though, my only claim to fame being an Elf at the annual holiday party and as a legacy of the Science Fiction Society. After college I could not even achieve the status of being so geeky and smart that I became the cool rich over-achiever taking revenge on former cheerleaders. (Not that I even remember who was a cheerleader). Even now, when I have the time to laze around each day shopping and doing lunch with the girls, I can't seem to find cool women with which to hang.

Me, I'm over it. Or am I?

Removing my head from the sand: The Silicon Valley Recession

I am aware we are fortunate, made even more aware by the recent posts written by Katie Couric and many of the other SV Moms bloggers. We have been affected by the recession, but things could be so much worse. Our bailout plan consists of my parents advancing me a bit of cash, and my husband and I have pretty marketable skills, even if it's really, really tough to find a job right now. I've tried to make an effort to make sure my kids appreciate what they have and understand they are no more deserving of their house and toys than other kids. They are also aware that until I get a job, we will cut spending even more. And while it breaks my heart when I hear Keegan tell me he doesn't want to go to camp to save money, it's preferable to him assuming he can do whatever he wants, money is no object.

Did you wash your hands?

You really cannot get away from the swine flu these days can you? The effects of the swine flu worries, that is, although my assumption that I'm still safely far away from any actual cases of swine flu are shot all to hell. I've read the articles in the paper after finishing the comics and the business section, knowing that is likely less than 1% of the actual information available. I've seen some tweets and blog posts.

But I have to confess, the longest discussion I've paid attention to is the debate about soap and water versus hand sanitizer on my school's yahoo group. The principle is sending updates, starting with the handwashing pronouncement, which is why I ask my son every day after school if he washed his hands.  I'm really curious if this has become something big enough that he actually remembers it, unlike, say, math or reading.  Here's my summary of the emails and commentary.

• Principle's email, including plea for hand sanitizer donations
• soap and water is better, hand sanitizer is expensive (we're in a partially low income school) and soap and water is mostly what kids do at home
• someone lost a red backpack (oh wait, that was my son)

Open Source Spring Break in San Francisco

Last week I was thrilled to find myself sitting at a coffee bar drinking Chai while my kids played Sorry and waited for their made-from-scratch pizza. After dinner we headed next door to a small room at the Metro Hotel in San Francisco.

Normally in the evening, we finish up dinner and tell the kids to get off the computer and get ready for bed.  But last week was Spring Break, and, inspired by a book my dad forced me to read, I wanted to see what else might capture my kids' attention and get their brains and bodies engaged offline.

Some People Suck

As I sit here and watch my son rockin' out to Beat It wearing the ultimate rocker gear (hulk pajama bottoms, a pirate top and my slippers), I'm saddened to think about how he'll handle people who will make him sad.  Just yesterday at a birthday party he came over with a tear in his eye.   His best friend kept pointing out how much lower Keegan's bowling score was, and told him "his hair wasn't cool."  (My baby has short hair for the first time since he was actually a baby).  This protective mama bear wants to tell him he should just choose a new best friend, after all he's got about 5 kids on his "top friends" list.  If this was real bullying I'd have no problem confronting both the kid and the parents.  I'm pretty certain this is just joking around, and my sensitive little boy will have to learn to deal with it, if he wants to be friends with these troublemakers.

This is my job as a mommy, and I'll step up to the challenge, making numerous mistakes along the way for sure.  What I'm finding, though, is I seem to need to coach my husband as well as our boys.  It's like he steps out of the house each morning having pushed a reset button, assuming everyone in the world has only other peoples' best interests at heart.  And then he gets cut off in traffic, or some lady yells at one of the boys for jumping off a wall that's "too high," and it just pisses him off, really bothers his sensibilities.  What are these people thinking?  Why would someone run a red light, risking the lives of children in the back of their car?  Why would a woman scream at an innocent child?  I remember when we were discussing past and future careers and my husband said he never wanted to "work with the public" again.  Kind of funny, of course, I mean the public is everywhere, but he was referring to past stints as a waiter and caterer. 

Not Quite Super Nannies

While I've never had a nanny for my own kids, Sarah's post brought back memories of the housekeepers we had when I was young.  Actually, I did stumble across a biography of my dad once and he'd indicated his current job as nanny to our baby.  But I digress.  I've heard the good and the bad about nannies on the old blogosphere, but what I remember most about our nannies, who we called housekeepers or babysitters, were the oddities and funny quirks they brought to the house. Not to mention the numerous skills they taught us.

Both my parents worked full time, and they hired people who would basically watch us when we came home, made us dinner before we were old enough to take care of that ourselves, and took care of the occasional school obligation, like when it was my mom's turn to make cookies for school.  One of the main jobs of our babysitters in later years was to watch us when we swam.  After spending all that dough on a pool we'd better get a lot of use out of it.  We were allowed to swim without an adult, but none of our friends were.

Triple espressos, marijuana and affairs

Miraculously, thanks to the suggestion by my husband to listen to podcasts on my iPhone while walking the dog, I am actually nearly caught up on This American Life.

Have you heard the latest? The theme is "The New Boss" with a funny first episode, a controversial second and of course the third had to be about America's brand new "boss" - good old President Obama. In a very brief chat, TAL Senior Producer Julie Snyder and Ira Glass talk about Obama's smoking. She says let him smoke. He's gotto have one vice, and it's not like he's ever going to be filmed in a bar with a shot of whiskey and pack of cigs (take note Michael Phelps, but more on that later). And she worries that if he gives up cigarettes he's going to have an affair. Now personally I believe he's at a pretty high risk of that anyway, what with every intern and her mother likely to throw themselves at his fine self. And as much as I'd be sad and disappointed for his family, I frankly couldn't care less so long as he's whipping this country back into shape.

But I digress. What I found funny about this whole conversation is I've said exactly the same thing about my husband.

My Kid is Smarter than Me

I can't wait to get my kid tested by GATE!  I'm pretty sure he's a genius.  I mean sure, he asks the same exact questions 53 times to both me and my husband, including those you'd think would be obvious ("What's a doggie diaper?"...yes, our poor dog is having issues).  He has not yet learned that screaming at his brother does not lead to compliance but to shoving.  And he had to learn the hard way that asking his brother to watch his food, then calling him over to "look at this!" sure enough means the dog will eat it.

With all that said, here is why my son is smarter than me:

5.  No matter how many times I offer to sign him up for guitar lessons,Lego class or art or cooking classes, he's stuck to one single extra-curricular activity, and that's with dad as the coach.

4.  He doesn't understand why you should not be trying to have having fun 100% of the time, and if you're not you need to gripe until you are.