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The notion of "work life balance" has continued to be an elusive pursuit for me, as long as I have known it. It's a problem: how does one enjoy their job without being successful at it? And how does one be successful at their job without working too many hours? Then too many hours results in a feeling of failure at the other, more important job: Mom.
Katie Couric, I want to offer you my public support. Not just because you take the time to contribute to our community, for which I am, in fact, genuinely grateful. But also because you have the courage to speak your mind, even when there are people in the wings waiting to attack you for doing so.
Most recently, you spoke eloquently and rationally about the sexism in mainstream media, particularly how it impacted the recent Democratic primaries, and were punished brutally for doing so.
I'm here to offer you bandaids and gratitude!
Not too long ago, my husband C and I learned of something perplexing. There was a big party being held in Monterey by very close friends of ours -- people who are, for the most part, our best friends, and my husband and I were not invited. Almost everywhere we went, people asked us if we were going to the party (it was a weekend thing), and we smiled and said no.
Meanwhile, with each passing question, I grew more and more hurt. And, we continued to see the party hosts on a fairly regular basis, and hadn't heard a peep about the party. Clearly, our invitation was not lost in the mail.
If I may brag, I accomplished something pretty cool about 5 years ago: I created an online community for mothers who are lawyers. Membership is invitation-only, and I approve applicants to make sure they fit the requirements: they must be a licensed attorney, working in some capacity (legal or otherwise), or else in law school, with children or pregnant. Fathers are welcome too. We now have approximately 450 working parents on the list.
People wonder why working lawyer parents need a community of their own. The following email, distributed on my list, shows the kind of challenges that working mother lawyers still face. It really speaks for itself.
- Rebecca
No really, I was robbed.
I arrived home from picking up my kids at school, stopping to get gas, and as I pulled up I received a call from ADT that something was going on with my home alarm system. Five minutes into asking the guy on the line from ADT what he meant, I finally caught grasp of the fact that this means that maybe someone tampered with our alarm system. Hence, the call.
My husband fortunately pulled up at the same time, and I sent him inside the house with my cell phone connected to ADT while I unloaded the children from the car.
From outside our house we could all hear the BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP sound which caused ADT to call me. Something was going on. I told the kids to wait on the porch as I reached to open the front door. It was unlocked. Uh oh.
One of the many reasons I love living in San Francisco is the fabulous diversity. This diversity takes many forms: socio-economic, racial, religious, language spoken and, probably most famously, sexual orientation. I have always had many friends who are gay, lesbian and bisexual, and I can't help believe that people are 'born that way,' so if, when the time comes, my children turn out to be 'born that way,' it will be nice to know that they will have a good shot of being supported for who they are.
Plus, for all the other good reasons, I love living in the LBGT Capital of the U.S. I'm proud of that aspect of San Francisco.
Reflecting the diversity of this City, my children's preschool, which is a JCC Preschool, has several gay and lesbian families. In fact, five of my daughter's best friends have either two moms or two dads.
We don't ski. We don't go to Disneyland. We don't go to farms and watch baby cows be born. We don't go to Sacramento. We don't go to the beach, at least not in a long time.
I'm a terrible mother.
All of my daughter's friends families, and even some of my 2 year old son's friends families do these things, or so I learned this morning when I dropped of my kids at preschool.
Continue reading "Reason number 1,113,426 for why I'm a bad mom" »
I have been quiet for a while. And then I was quiet longer, in recovery from post traumatic stress disorder. I just completed a couple weeks ago an activity known simply as "The Process." It was nine months long, painful, time consuming and expensive, and finally reached resolution only after a great deal of pain. Sounds like pregnancy, yes?
No.
I was finding a kindergarten for my daughter in San Francisco.
One thing that is GREAT about being one of the earliest and most vocal supporters of Hillary Clinton is that people keep coming to me with their questions. Some folks, of course, have their minds made up already, but it seems that most people with whom I spoke have honestly assessed the issues. So, I introduce to you, Rebecca's FAQ on Why Hillary Clinton Should Be The Democratic Candidate (and ultimately, the next President!).
Here goes:
MYTH: Hillary Clinton is the Dynasty candidate. She is only there because of her husband. I hate dynasties!
TRUTH: Dynasty: this is a red herring. Hillary could not possibly run 20 years ago because no one would consider a woman then. (Still unfortunately some people refuse to consider a woman now, and they use complaints like "dynasty" to mislead their true opposition.) Hillary compromised her career for her husband, and now she is punished for taking her turn. She is not just riding on Bill’s coat tails – in many ways she is actually FAR more qualified to be president than Bill was when he ran. To wit: (1) she has served 8 years in the Senate (6 years more than Obama, and 8 more than Bill had served in federal government when he ran); (2) she has 35 years of hands-on experience with the issuea including (a) running Childrens’ Defense Fund; (b) running Legal Aid and (c) devising the only universal health insurance plan that covers every person – a project she has been working on for 20 years (note: 20 years ago, Obama hadn’t even gone to law school yet!); (d) succeeding in insuring 6 million uninsured children with the S-chip program; (e) succeeding in uniting the Senate to agree on numerous polarizing issues from budget deadlocks to nominees; and of course (f) fundraising to install people like Barack Obama in the Senate. Final point about Dynasty: Barack is arguably a puppet of the only real dynasty in the US: the Kennedys. It is the (drunken at best, misogynistic at worst, and yes I have met him too) Ted Kennedy that raised millions of dollars for him, and it is he and Ted that are working together to keep Florida's and Michagan's votes from couting. Now who is the Dynasty candidate?
MYTH: Hillary is "polarizing," and so is Bill!
I have not posted to this blog in a while. I have been busy with two main activities (on top of my corporate legal job and my two highly vibrant children): kindergarten applications and the 2008 Democratic primary. It is the latter that brings me out of retirement briefly. I care so much about this election that I could burst.
It should come as no surprise that I am a big backer of Hillary Clinton. I have posted about that often here and elsewhere. And what I am about to say won't come as a big surprise either: this is the most important primary election of our lives. I will back whoever the Democratic candidate ends up being. But, even though I have a deep respect and admiration for, and am even an acquaintance of Barack Obama, having attended law school together at the same time (where he actually selected me, along with the other then-editors, to join the editorial board of the Harvard Law Review), I can't support his candidacy yet. Not when there is a better candidate for whom to vote.
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