Silicon Valley Moms Blog

The Parking Place

We moved recently and in the weeks leading up to the big day, I made it a habit of driving by our new house.  I was curious about my new neighbors and whether the street was a busy parking street.  Parking is always an issue in Palo Alto.   Little did I know how big an issue it would be for me.

I had noticed a car that was always parked in front of my new house and it never seemed to move.  Always in the same place.  The first day of the move, I put a nice note under the wipers asking if it could be moved  so it would be easier to move in.   The car didn't move.  Upon closer inspection, I noticed it did move occasionally but always returned to the spot in front of my house.  One day, when my son and I came home, my next door neighbor introduced herself and said it was her car.  I said the usual pleasantries (after all, I DID want to start out on the right foot) and asked if she would mind not parking in front of our house as my husband needed the spot when he returned from work late in the day.   She became hostile.  Wow (I thought), the previous occupant must have really ticked her off because she didn't know me long enough to dislike me (yet).   

Maker Faire

 When I was little, I used to watch my Dad build things. He was an amateur Ham radio operator and built his own stereo.   Although a doctor by profession, he loved to create and build things and was always tinkering. As a result, I learned to solder and built a tester board from a kit and I also learned to mix mortar when we laid bricks for our new brick fence. If something was broken or a problem needed to be solved, my Dad just fixed it or invented it.  At the time, I didn't know it was called innovation or creativity - it was just a way of life.  I thought everyone's Dad approached life and problems the same way.  More importantly, I learned to love and respect people who persist in working on a hobby or passion...whatever it is. 

I'm sure this background is why I love Maker Faire.  I went last year for the first time and was blown away.  I couldn't believe I'd never heard of it before.  It does appear in Austin now, but when we lived there, it did not.  This year, I was fortunate to be given a press pass and tickets for my family to attend.  The lines are really long to get in, so getting in promptly and seeing as much as possible was a very good thing.  In fact, it was a difficult week-end for us to attend as both kids have finals this week and they were studying all week-end.  As a consequence, my daughter was unable to join us and we were only there for the morning.

Is Hugging the "New" Handshake?

Are you a hugger or a kisser?  I'm a hugger.  In fact, when I first met my (then) boyfriend's family, I was totally creeped out because they kissed each other...on the lips.  I had never seen that before.  In my family, if we kissed, it was on the cheeks but mostly we hugged.  It's not that it looked sexual, it was just...too intimate looking.    I definitely think people can be divided into the two camps.  I'm not taking sides you understand but the mounting evidence that teenagers are hugging more (than we used to?) is all over the news these days.  I definitely didn't notice, I guess, because...I'm a hugger.

When did I first notice it? Hard to say. Initially, I  thought it was a "California thing" so it may have taken a while to realize it was a generational characteristic instead.  It's also fairly common for teen girls to hug their friends hello, good-bye, when they are excited, when they are sad and well...anytime.  Maybe I first noticed it when my daughter had a mixed group of friends over (when they were 14 or so) and when saying good-bye, she hugged both the girls AND the boys.  THAT surprised me.  I operated on the theory you only hugged guys you liked or were dating and I knew that wasn't the case.   First sign that I was clueless.

One thing I haven't figured out...do teen boys hug more than they used to?  Is the current generation going to be more touchy-feely as adults?   My 14 year-old, son is still "hands-off".   I can't see him hugging anyone right now (and that includes a very deprived mother).  But, I have noticed my daughter's boy, teen, friends DO hug her and don't seem to expect anything sexual in return (at least in front of me).  There certainly IS a lot of hugging going on with these kids now that I'm paying attention. 

Are We Killing Our Teenagers?

It's Mother's Day  and my thoughts turn to a mother who buried her 17 year-old son yesterday.   I cannot imagine the unbearable pain and anguish.  Are we to blame?  Does living in the "bubble" of Silicon Valley infect our teenagers with such intense stress that the only way to get relief is to end their life?  What role do we play in this young man's death? 

The" incident" occurred about 8:20 a.m. Tuesday after a northbound commute train hit the teen, who was on the tracks between lowered crossing gates.  "We've got another suicide," said the train-intercom announcement, who passed the word to passengers. The train immediately applied full brakes and stopped, a passenger said.  Too many people had to witness the awful spectacle.  I'm sure there have been many lost nights of sleep this week. 

What If your Daughter Dates a "Craigslist" Murderer?

Is it fair to use Phil Markoff (aka the "Craigslist Murderer") as the poster boy for  "Who Not to Date"?   I'd be crazy to miss an opportunity to use him in a dating tutorial for my teenage daughter.  My daughter has recently begun dating so I find myself wondering what Markoff's fiance (and her family)  think about their daughter's choice in a potential suitor.   If I was her mother, I  would be second-guessing myself.  Questions like, "Did I miss some obvious character flaw?" "Did I let his all-American good looks sway my opinion?"  "Did Medical School impress me too much?"  Boy, if he isn't a poster boy for "Don't judge a book by it's cover", I don't know what is.  Kind of a reverse Susan Boyle effect. 

For those of you who may not have heard about Phil Markoff.  He is the handsome, clean-cut, 23-year-old medical student  who was planning a  wedding this summer to a beautiful, fellow med student, Megan McAllister.  Evidently they  met in college and had been dating for four years.   Tuesday he appeared in court on charges including murder, kidnapping and armed robbery.  He had no criminal record but police think he has preyed on sex workers for a while and he has gambling debts.  Physical evidence relating to the case was found in the apartment he shared with his fiance. 

Get Out of My Car!

How many times have I wanted to say this to my kids?  Especially on hot days (like the ones we've been having lately).  In fact, I've heard many a tale by my grandparent's generation about "sassy kids" told to walk home if they didn't "straighten up".  Did I think they actually followed through? Probably not.  But, I've had more than one conversation with other mothers in which a similar sentiment was expressed.

Sunday, a White Plains mother ordered her 10 and 12 year old girls out of her car because they were arguing.  She left them in a business district about 3 miles from her home,then drove off.  After reporting the story, MSNBC took a survey asking, "Would You Ever Consider Leaving Your Bickering Kids By the Side Of the Road?" 67% of the respondents said, "Yes, but I would never have done it". 

Teenager's Study Habits

Does your child study with a book, pencil/pen, paper?  At a desk, with a light and a chair?  Is there music on?  Do they respond to your pleas for assistance?  I remember those days.  It seems that form of "studying" stopped at about 10 year of age.  Now, I have two teenagers - a breed unto themselves.  And, as much as I strive to provide good lightening, proper seating, a desk and a quiet environment for the pursuit of knowledge, my "children" have a different agenda towards the act of studying.  Here is how I view a teenager's Study Habits.

   1. Lie on bed at awkward angle.
   2. Make sure desk and chair are filled with dirty clothes and gym bag so it cannot possibly be used for studying.
   3. Log-on to AIM
   4. Ensure that cell-phone is open and nearby (set on vibrate OF COURSE)
   5. Read over assignment to make sure you understand it.

Loopy Kid Video is Bringing Dad His "5 Minutes" of Fame

On the Today Show this morning I caught a segment about a father whose YouTube video of his young son has gone "viral".  I paid attention because I thought it was one of those "whoops" moments people sometimes have when using new technology.  I thought I might use it as a good case study.   On my personal blog, I write about how to help parents "guide" their teens use of social media.  Many times kids make serious "mis-steps" in a very public way because they posted something to Facebook too quickly, "shared" a video or photo on the web and oftentimes they don't realize until too late that they have hurt themselves or others. 

For those of you who don't know the story...evidently a Dad video-taped his son who was still "loopy" from having anesthesia for oral surgery.  The Dad taped his son in order to "show" his wife who couldn't be with them for the momentous event.  I'm not going to question this.  It's what he DID with the video I'm going to question.  Here's a sample of what the boy said:

         "You have four eyes," he says to his father. "I feel funny. Why is this happening to me?"

         At another point, the boy screams and tries to raise himself out of the child carrier.

         "It's OK," his father says. "It's just the medicine."

Dad decided to share the video on Facebook with family friends.  I don't know the Dad's privacy settings on Facebook but I advise parents to help their teens check these frequently...do you think he knew his settings? Do you think he cared?  He received so many "requests" to forward the video that he turned to YouTube to post the video.  Thereby making it "easy" for his friends to see his son acting goofy after surgery.  In case there's any question about this, here is the privacy setting statement on YouTube:

It's a Gold Medal Baby

My 13 year old son is in the midst of a week-long sex education program at his Silicon Valley school.  Know how I found out?  He asked me to pick up a 5 lb bag of flour when I went to the store this week-end.   I thought he wanted to bake cookies. 

Monday arrived and he grabbed the flour as we headed out the door to school. Finally, during the drive he explained the program.  Many of the kids were taking "Real Care Babies" home over the week-end to simulate life with an infant.  My son opted for a sack of flour.  Wonderful...
just wonderful.

When I picked him up from school (it was pouring rain) he had the sack stuck under his shirt so it wouldn't get wet.  The "baby" had my son's neck gator (from his ski gear) wrapped around it.    Evidently you were supposed to "dress up the baby" and this was my son's version of dressing a baby.  The bag was labeled and stamped so he couldn't  “cheat” by replacing the bag (in the event he dropped it).  Little did I know how prescient this would be.

I think the program is wonderful but I had mixed feelings about the flour vs. "Real Care" babies.  Would my son learn more if a fake baby woke him up repeatedly during the night?  Sure.   But would it keep him from having pre-marital, un-protected sex?   And me?  Did I really want to be awakened by a screaming, mechanical baby???  After all, I've already done my time on the night shift with screaming babies, thank you very much. 

Palo Alto: The Home of Stanford, Facebook and Cyber-bullies

Did you know that 42% of kids have been bullied while online?  Did you know that 35% of kids have been threatened online?  Did you know that Palo Alto is home to the most popular Social Networking site in the world, Facebook?  Did you know that the Palo Alto School District DOES NOT have a cyber-bullying policy?  Surprised?  Me too. 

How do I know about this?  Because, this week, one of our own was bullied.  Online.  Viciously.  Cruelly.  I say one of "our" children because the Silicon Valley Moms blog is a group of mothers and this is one of our children. I felt sickened when I heard that a group of local high school students made a Facebook page for the exclusive purpose of humiliating and degrading a much younger student.  That's right.  The big kids picking on the little kid in cyberspace.  Can you imagine the humiliation?

Evidently, a small group of bored Gunn High School boys and girls got together one Friday evening and "just for fun" started a group on Facebook called, "I Hate...".  As the week-end wore on, more and more students joined the group, the comments becoming more vile and disgusting - each one feeding off the other in a "feeding frenzy".  By Monday morning, over 100 high school students, equally represented between Palo Alto High School and Gunn (2 nationally recognized schools) had joined this "I Hate" group.  As far as I know, none of the bullies personally know the targeted child.   They just thought it would be "fun" to laugh at and demean this kid online.  The comments ranged from insulting, rude comments to actual threats of violence.

Definition:  "Bully"...a person who uses strength or power to harm or intimidate those who are weaker.