Silicon Valley Moms Blog

Apparently, It Also Takes A Community to Raise a Sex Offender

I've never admitted this to anyone (besides my husband) but, I was raised in a family with a long history of sexual abuse.  My parents were well aware of it and tried their best to shield us from the abuse. Sadly, only now, as a parent, do I understand now how difficult it must have been, when "the abuser" happens to be a member of your immediate family and you happen to be living in their house.

Still.

I vowed, long ago, that I would never "knowingly" expose my children to that sort of toxic environment and that I was going to do everything in my power to break the chain of abuse.

My family eventually moved out of my grandmother's house right before my twin brother's and my 13th birthday and, a few years later, my step-grandfather was FINALLY arrested and we cut all ties with the abuse, right then and there.

Long story short, the charges were dropped -- it's not easy to face ones demons, after all -- but, it was the last time I saw my step-grandfather.  I did not invite him to my wedding and he never met any of my 4 children.  In keeping "the abuser" out of their lives (and mine) I no longer felt like a victim.  In fact, I feel it safe to say that, since becoming a mother, I have gained back all the confidence that was stolen from me, long ago, sort of.

My children are better for it.

No, I can't protect them from everything, but Megan's Law dictates that it is a parent's responsibility -- moral obligation, I say -- to do everything we can to insure that our children are raised in the safest environment, possible.

Frankly, in my opinion, anyone who says differently is not, or should not be raising a child.

Apparently, our local laws are too tough on sex offenders:

"In 2005, Galloway Twp. passed an ordinance that placed restrictions on where convicted sex offenders could live -- today the State Supreme Court ruled against that ordinance."

CLICK HERE to continue reading on our sister-site, New Jersey Moms Blog....

Can I ask APPLE .... what were you thinking?

Dear Apple,

I thought I might have been hallucinating this morning when I was watching the news but low and behold I was not.  Some how, some way your company approved (oh yes let me be fair...then pulled) an application for the iPhone that allows you to shake a baby to a virtual death or the "Baby Shaker" app as it is fondly referred to.  Even writing this can you believe the colossal mistake you made?  Normally, I think you are a pretty alright company - one of the "good guys" if you will - but after this debacle I'm not really sure what to think. 

Can you give me a little insight into how this came about?  Were you sitting around a room considering new apps and your team started proposing programs like:  "Decaying Animal Gallery" and "Run Over Old Ladies' Skills Game."  Did you say, "no way how could we ever promote an application that would show dead animals or an opportunity to run over old ladies crossing the street that is completely insensitive and insane, but shaking babies to a death this I LIKE! Tell me more..."

CLICK HERE TO CONTINUE READING ON OUR SISTER SITE, NEW JERSEY MOMS BLOG......

If A Man Can Get Pregnant So Easily, Why Can't I?

...cross posted from our sister site, New Jersey Moms Blog.

Lately, I feel like every time I turn on the news the pregnant man is staring at me.  From ABC to CNN, Thomas Beatie was showing off his lovely little girl and announcing that a second child was on the way. While I watched the various interviews, I thought to myself here is a man who is expecting his second child without what seemed to be many fertility issues.  From the information I have gathered, the man didn't need to go through any assisted reproductive measures.  Yes, the couple used donated sperm but they didn't even need the services of a doctor for the insemination process.  In fact, his wife used some sort of bird feeder, at home,to impregnate her husband.  I kid you not.  A man is expecting child number two because his wife got him pregnant with a device you use to feed a bird.   

In my life, I wish the same were true.  I wish my husband, Wally, could come along with a bird feeder and make me pregnant but this is not the path I was given in life.  Am I bitter towards the pregnant man?  A little and not because he is a man but because he seems to be able to get pregnant more easily than me.  To get this woman pregnant (meaning me), which supposedly my body was born to do, I need a team of highly paid specialists, hours of mediation, a vegetable-based diet, various yoga positions, many attempts, buckets of money and lots of prayers.  While am I blessed to say I was given my miracle after fours years of trying to conceive, I still get a little upset at my non-fertility challenged counterparts.  I know it isn't their fault they were given beautiful ovaries (while I was given two rotten eggs) and I should feel happy for them...I should.  Don't get me wrong for the most part I do but there is that part of me that is still jealous and can't let it go.  But what really drives me up a wall (and I speak for my husband as well when I say this), is the unwanted fertility advice.  I know, I know, I know people mean well but for someone who has had yet ANOTHER failed IVF cycle the LAST thing they want to hear is advice on how to get pregnant.  So the following is a guide of what not to say to someone who tells you they are having a hard time conceiving.   

Click HERE to continue reading on New Jersey Moms Blog........

The Sexual Abuse Of A Liar

....cross posted from our sister site, New Jersey Moms Blog.

It will never happen to my child! That is one of those lines that I hate hearing from a mother- a line that is filled with ignorance, denial and just plain stupidity. Sexual abuse can happen to any child anywhere, anytime by anyone.

How do I know?  I am one of those children, not only was I abused but when I confronted my family as an adult about it - I was called a liar.

I have been called a liar, a failure and even told that I have a mental disorder-oh, yes, these are things said to me by my own mother. The person who was to have protected me, made me feel safe and loved me unconditionally. I have distanced myself from my entire family, not just due to this, but due to the entire dysfunction that existed. I wanted better for myself and my family and it is a decision I have never regretted. I am sharing this story to hopefully help others remember that monsters hide in the wide open as great people with great careers and families....

Click Here to continue reading on New Jersey Moms Blog.....

If I Only Knew

... cross posted from our sister site, NJ Moms Blog.

Summer is winding down, and so too is the last weeks of summer camp for my son.  But this year is different, because this summer is the last summer of my son being a little boy.

He starts Kindergarten next month.  My baby is a big boy now.

As a mother, we all know how fast time accelerates.  One day we are knee-deep in diapers, praying for the day potty training is behind us.  Or we wonder if our babies will EVER give up that sippy cup or their treasured blanket.  We clap with glee when they transition to a big boy/big girl bed.  We marvel when they dress themselves (alone) for the first time.

And in an instant a young boy or girl emerges.  With personality and independence, they start to make their way on their own.

Click HERE to continue reading at NJ Moms Blog.

He starts Kindergarten next month.  My baby is a big boy now.

As a mother, we all know how fast time accelerates.  One day we are knee-deep in diapers, praying for the day potty training is behind us.  Or we wonder if our babies will EVER give up that sippy cup or their treasured blanket.  We clap with glee when they transition to a big boy/big girl bed.  We marvel when they dress themselves (alone) for the first time.

And in an instant a young boy or girl emerges.  With personality and independence, they start to make their way on their own.

Click HERE to continue reading at NJ Moms Blog.

The MPG of an Ice Cream Cone

... cross posted from our sister site, New Jersey Moms Blog.

At the beginning of this summer, I had a plan. I even wrote it down. The kids and I would go to our pool co-op twice a week, grocery shopping once a week, to Six Flags once a week, and one special place like the Philadelphia Zoo or the New Jersey State Aquarium once a week. Rainy days could include a trip to the mall to stretch our legs or a trip to a bookstore. Days off would be spent around the house, on our new patio, and catching up on housework. Gas prices crushed that summer dream. Even as I make the five mile trip to the grocery store, I'm obsessed with watching the miles tick higher on my tripometer, and watching the fuel gauge skydive to the red. Even innocent trips to Rita's Water Ice with the kids turns into a calculation of MPG per ice cream cone. I know the cost to drive to Six Flags, which is only 15 minutes away, and add that to the cost of our annual passes. I don't like living like this, and because of it, my daughter's summer is suffering. Heat wave on top of heat wave in New Jersey makes it difficult for her to even go outside and play, so we are trapped in our air conditioned home.

Click HERE to continue reading at NJ Moms Blog.

Why the BlogHer Conference Sucks

... cross posted from our sister site, NJ Moms Blog.
Because I'm not going to BlogHer, that's why! My head will explode if I have to read how awesome it will be - ONE. MORE. TIME. It seems every time I fire up Feedly I'm reading about shopping for BlogHer, road trips to BlogHer, parties at BlogHer, or the sessions at BlogHer. I just may vomit. Of course if I were going it would be a completely different story (I would be rockin' a new pair of shoes for sure), but I'm not going. I can't go. I have two kids, and one of them is breastfeeding. I barely get to leave the house alone to grocery shop, let alone jump in a plane (or a hybrid car) to go to the other coast for a few days and hob-nob with women I've only read about. Instead, I will be sitting at home, attending BlogHer in Second Life, hoping like hell the stream hold up, and drinking wine, all while in my mismatched pajamas. No after-parties, no female bonding, no blogging enlightenment. Nothing.

Click HERE to continue reading at NJ Moms Blog.

Working Mom Burnout

... cross posted from our sister site, NJ Moms Blog.

Being a working mom is an extremely brutal job and I am sure I am not alone when I say this. This is not to say staying home at home with your children is easy. I only know from my personal experience, which is that of a working mom, and the only way to describe it is brutal.

Every day as I leave for work, I dream of crawling back in bed for a little extra sleep, playing with my kids all day at the park, taking them to the library, picking them up from the school bus, being able to be room mother for all their class events, hanging out at the shore, or lounging by the pool watching them splash with glee. I remember worrying about what I was going to do with all the time when I was on maternity leave and believe me we filled it easily. Moreover, add in a little mommy guilt for leaving my children in daycare, exhaustion from staying up late, and stress from getting everything we need to do in a single day. I have only been at this working mom thing for five years, however, it seems like my entire lifetime, and I have forgotten life outside of being a mom. Truly, it is amazing that working mothers do not just spontaneously combust from it all.

Click HERE to continue reading at NJ Moms Blog.

I Saved Date Night

....cross posted from our sister site, New Jersey Moms Blog.

Date night is not a regular thing around here. What can I say? We’ve tried, but it is hit or miss. Usually date night happens because: A) I am desperate to get out alone with my husband and avoid our daughter’s dinner-bath-bedtime trifecta; B) There is a special occasion (like an anniversary) that demands attention; C) the opportunity suddenly presents itself (i.e., grandma wants to take the kid somewhere).

The one constant? I’m the one who makes it happen. And, while it’s true that I have control issues and publicly relish my role as High Commander of the Family Calendar, I would still like to be swept off my feet once in awhile. Or maybe just have my husband be the one to call the babysitter

Click HERE to continue reading on New Jersey Moms Blog.......

Shopping for molasses

....cross posted from our sister site, New Jersey Moms Blog.

A few months ago I needed an ingredient for a recipe, so I went into one of the mini grocery stores a short drive from my house. On that Saturday afternoon, I was the only customer in the store.

As I walked down the isle looking for molasses, a dark skinned man wearing a blue plaid shirt began yelling at the woman behind the register. I didn't understand the language, but it was clear what he was saying. His angry screams filled the store.

I peaked over at the woman; she listened, but didn't respond. Her long, black glossy hair pulled low on her neck in a pony tail, her skin matched his. She looked tired. And it seemed to me she had been through this before. If she was angry too, she hid it well. A little girl played quietly between the man and woman.   

Click HERE to continue reading on New Jersey Moms Blog.........