Silicon Valley Moms Blog

Play-Date Popularity

My older son asked me, "Did I ever have a playdate?"

It was an interesting question, and I wondered why is he asking now?

I fumbled around a bit with an answer about playgroups when he was a toddler, but that how now he goes to soccer practice so plays with kids there. "And when your brother goes to gymnastics, you play your DS with those other boys." I didn't tell him that his toddler playgroup eventually re-formed without him. I didn't tell him about how he was expelled from his first preschool. Or how he was asked to leave his first Kindergarten. I didn't remind him that we had moved to a new school district specifically so he could have better support and a "fresh start."

"Oh, remember how 'Dave' came over last year?" I suddenly remembered. He had been so excited about his indoor soccer buddy's visit that he wrote about it during a first-grade writing assignment. Since he finished second grade last week, I guess it really has been awhile since he had a playdate.

April Was Autism Awareness Month

April came and went. I said nary a word about Autism Awareness Month. What a bad "autism mom" I am! Other "autism parents" have thrown their efforts into walking for "awareness" or donating to their favorite charities for the purpose of a "cure."

But a "cure" isn't really "awareness." In fact, it would be much nicer if the buzzword were "acceptance" not "awareness." Plus, I can't help thinking that many of the folks who are truly impacted by autism don't have the time, energy, or child-care options to throw themselves into the various public events surrounding autism unless it is the quite literal bringing one's child into a public place with the resulting tsk-tsk of those disapproving parents of perfect children.

Many aspects of parenthood divide people (breast versus bottle, working mom versus stay-at-home, to name a couple) and the population of parents of "special-needs" kids are no different. Consider a recent episode of House where the Deaf Pride versus cochlear implant controversy was raised. Of course I'm not one to think television is reality because I felt pretty slapped in the face by Grey's Anatomy's portrayal of Asperger's, but the existence of these struggles remain, even if the details are fictionalized.

The truth is that there are many "camps" within the autism community. Just the concept of an "autism community" is rather inaccurate, as kids on the spectrum are as different from each other as they are as compared to any other kids.  I've felt snubbed by the general public, but I've also felt alienated and uncomfortable amongst other parents whose children are on the spectrum.

Aspergers in Grey's Anatomy: Rainman Returns

I had high hopes for Mary McDonnell's three-episode-arc character Dr. Virginia Dixon on Grey's Anatomy. I thought, "It will be great to see someone a little quirky take on the already strange social scene at Seattle Grace." Unfortunately, when the episode aired, I was disappointed. Instead of a brilliant cardiac surgeon who happens to have Aspergers, Dr. Dixon is a very impaired Rainman-like stereotype of autism.

While the words I write about autism are read by a couple hundred people, and the words other parents may write about similar topics might be read by a few thousand people, Grey's Anatomy has viewers in the millions.

While from my perspective, there are tons of books about various spectrum-related topics out there, in truth the whole concept is still new to many people. The autism community is very much an ecochamber with only "famous" folks like Jenny McCarthy to put a face on autism for the general public. The information that becomes mainstream is limited. Autism is not binary: it is a spectrum, after all. Autism is not black and white: there are many 'causes' and many 'cures'.

Dr. Virginia Dixon reinforces the stereotype of autism that so many of us are trying to get away from. We want the public perception of autistic spectrum disorders to become more realistic.

Let's Go on Vacation!

Okay, so it is a little late to be talking about summer vacation, and it is still a bit early to talk about holiday breaks, but my family has been skipping town on a regular basis during the last month and a half. Yes, that time is typically spent with nose to the grindstone, "back to school" mentality, but we've enjoyed some break in the midst of our stress and schoolwork, too.

On the first day of school, we all spoke about what we had done over the summer break. "We traveled a lot," I remarked to one parent, but then quickly backtracked when I heard what it sounded like coming out of my mouth. "I mean, we spent time in a bunch of local places - like the mountains and Santa Cruz," I explained.

"Travel is travel," she said, smiling. And indeed, even though we did more of a "staycation" than those who jetted off to Europe or remote islands (yes, you, my lucky cousins) we still got several overnight breaks. And because our destinations were so close by, we've had the itch to visit them even during that invisible barrier between the start of school and Thanksgiving break.

Don't stop the music

In the wake of the Olympics, the Democratic National Convention, the nomination of Sarah Palin and now Hurricane Gustav, is it any wonder that school started with nary a whisper?

For those of us with kids with special needs, girding up for the beginning of school resembles nothing more than Batman preparing for battle: first the suit, then the cape, then the leather gloves and boots, the mask, the nifty belt: a little kinky, but you get the point.

My son entered Kindergarten last week. He's a smart guy, very sweet, funny and warm.  He's also on the autism spectrum, and his speech and social skills lag behind his peers.  He tends to wander off, needs help with most school assignments, and is terrified of loud noises.  He loves books.  He learns very quickly.  He finds recess excruciating. 

Give me your dorky, your poor, your socially-challenged

For anyone who felt nerdy, unattractive, unappreciated, misunderstood, bullied or otherwise confused in middle- and high school, this is your lucky day.

Can I Sit With You? The Stormy Social Seas of the Schoolyard, edited by Shannon Des Roches Rosa and Jennifer Byde Myers, is an anthology of writing by adults about their middle- and high-school experiences. It's also a Web site, a network and an ongoing literary project, collecting stories--the painful, the never-admitted-to, the embarrassing and outright funny--of teenage social angst, anxiety and conflict.

But what makes this book so remarkable is that everything--from the cover artwork by noted Manga artist Lea Hernandez to the book design--was donated with one aim in mind: to fund SEPTAR, the special education PTA that Des Roches Rosa and Myers co-founded in Redwood City, California, their local school district. The goal? To offer support and additional resources to families of children with special needs.

Every Child By Two: Vaccines for All?

Yesterday morning, "Every Child By Two," created by Rosalynn Carter and Betty Bumpers kicked off its new website and campaign to educate the public about vaccines. A press conference featured actress Amanda Peet, physician Dr. Paul Offit (whose book I reviewed about a year ago,) and Ann Hotez, a mother who has a daughter with autism. The purpose of the website and of the conference this morning is to dispel myths. It was set up as a defense against "the misinformation on the internet."

I was on the conference call associated with the press conference. Although I was unable to ask questions of the panel, I had the opportunity to listen in. To be honest, my main concern was about how parents would be portrayed. I wasn’t necessarily on the call to be "convinced" to vaccinate, for my kids haven’t missed a dose (and in the case of several infant vaccines, have had more doses than the recommended schedule because of an insurance switch.) But given the press releases for the "initiative," I worried about how those of us who have real concerns about vaccines and associated environmental triggers would be treated.

Google, we have a problem

It seemed like a good idea at the time. Our five-year-old son Isaac can be hard to engage, so my husband J. thought that a little fun with Google Image Search wouldn't hurt. After all, what's wrong with pictures of cars? Harmless fun, right?

And oh the joy. "I want to see trains!" he'd crow, and J and Isaac would sit down for a few minutes of father-son Googling. "I want to see buses! I want to see elevators!" And, with just a few keystrokes, he'd get his wish. Magic.

Except for one major miscalculation. Okay, three. First, Isaac was just learning to read and write. Second, we underestimated the sheer joy of seeing his ideas come to life on the screen. Third, we really, really underestimated his resourcefulness.

A few weeks ago, we came back from a trip, and I let Isaac play on the computer while I unpacked and started his dinner.

The Worry Never Stops

Just last week, we celebrated the end of first grade. I breathed a sigh of relief as we wrapped up a successful school year. I am glad that we moved into a school district which values its students and am confident that the staff and teachers will continue to support my son as he enters second grade and beyond. Last week I thought I could relax a little with our victory.

Only a week has passed, and yet it seems like years.

This past week has been difficult. My son is away from his friends and the routine of school. I've seen different sides of him that might display how he is at school, or might be representative of a routine shake-up. We met with his behavioral pediatrician to "wrap-up" the year but instead of the 100% positive success story I had envisioned prior to the appointment, my son used baby talk, refused to make eye contact, and at one point ended up in hysterical tears. He was acting like he did before all of our efforts to get him into a better environment.

Survivor: Kindergarten-Style

... cross posted from our sister site, DC Metro Moms Blog.

Send him to kindergarten or don't send him to kindergarten, that is the question. Recently I have been obsessing over whether to send my young son, who just turned five this month, to kindergarten next fall with the rest of his peers. Part of me really wants to keep him in preschool for an extra year.

See, my son is on the autism spectrum. And while he is very smart, reading and doing some math at age four, his social development (among other things) is behind that of other children his age. Lately I've had a lot of encouragement from his teachers and doctors to send him to kindergarten next year. And I've started leaning in that direction.

And then I read this. A kindergarten teacher in Port St. Lucie, Florida, led her students in a discussion of a child's negative qualities and then conducted a poll that resulted in his class voting 14-2 to kick him out of the class. The child, Alex Barton, is in the process of being diagnosed on the autism spectrum.

I cannot even describe my feelings when I read the first couple of blog posts I found on the subject. My concerns with sending my child to kindergarten stem largely from a fear that the other kids will ostracize him. The thought that a teacher would allow that to happen had occurred to me. The thought that a teacher would actively encourage, and even instigate it had not.

Click HERE to continue reading this post on DC Metro Moms Blog.....