Silicon Valley Moms Blog

The placebo effect

So, we've resorted to buying a nasty tasting nail polish for our daughter.  She just won't stop sucking her thumb.  Don't judge me. :-) I tried, I mean really tried to do this using only intrinsic, and sometimes extrinsic motivation.  We've tried band aids on the thumbs... We've tried dolls, with strings attached.  We've tried talking to her about being a 'big girl'.

Nothing has worked.  When we put a band aid on one thumb, my daughter just says, "That's OK mommy, I'll suck my other thumb."  When we cover both thumbs, she just sucks a finger.

The morning after, my daughter will tell us, with a smile on her face, "It's OK Mommy, I just sucked another finger."

Grr.

That child.  She is a stubborn one.  I KNOW she can fall asleep without the thumb.  She's done it many times.  But won't on her own accord.

No More Toys!

“Do NOT throw those toys down onto the ground!  You’ll break it” I said to my son in frustration.  It was the third time he decided to throw down the special Transformers his grandpa had brought back from an international trip (my son’s specific request was for Bumblebee – and wouldn’t you know Grandpa just happened to find a toy store in France that had it).  The Transformers were supposed to be the ones to duking it out in an epic battle – but the pavement seemed to be winning the war.

“It’s okay, mom” he nonchalantly replied.  “”If it breaks, you’ll buy me another one at the store.”

Uh, excuse me? what did you just say? back up it up, buster!  My four year old son thinks that it is perfectly acceptable to trash his toys because he knows more are coming?  When did this kid put that reasoning together?  We aren’t at the store buying toys left and right.

The Dream That You Wish Will Come True...Maybe

The other night while watching the Olympics I came to a realization.  The Olympics are heartbreaking.  Sure, the Games are exciting, unifying, inspiring. But more than anything, they tend to break my heart.  I had just finished watching a women’s hurdles semi-final, where the 2nd athlete in the world for that sport tripped on the first hurdle and was disqualified.  My heart went out to her and it just made me sad.  All that work, only to end up tripping in a semi-final.

Don’t get me wrong, I love seeing the underdog win, or one of the greatest athletes of all time take home 8 gold medals.  But you can’t help but feel bad for the countless athletes who walk away from the Games having not achieved their dream.  Despite the fact it can be a bit disheartening, it is, in fact, a great metaphor for life.  I have been thinking about this theme lately in relation to raising my kids.  The song from Cinderella says our dreams WILL come true. We grow up hearing that message, and we may even go on to pass the message on to our own children.  If you work hard enough or are good enough, you can achieve whatever you want.  But this isn’t necessarily the case. I am not the fastest woman in the world and no amount of running is going to change that fact.  But it’s okay.

The, the new Duh.

In our house we outlaw words as often as we changed our underwear... almost every day.

The basics have been banned. You know, "What the hell" and "Damn it". Even "Shit," and "Oh my God!" are out.

But DAMage...not out. As passionately as BC tells me that it IS a bad word, I just don't buy it. Yup, DAMage gets to stay.

Ya, we're awful parents like that!

You know, the fact that our kids even know those phrases is a whole other topic that I probably shouldn't get into today.

Ahem. But I digress.

"Shut up" and "Stupid" are crowd favorites here in the Bay Area.

But in our house? Yup. BANNED.

Poopyhead, MeanyPoopyHead, HeadyHeadyPoopyHead.

Yup, TOSSED like last night's cookies.

Escaping the SUV

As I was pulling into a crowded parking lot the other day, I was not surprised to see a large SUV pull out of a compact space.  That is common place in Silicon Valley.  I don't know the number of SUVs in our area, but there are an  estimated 91 million SUVs or trucks on the road today in the US.  The fact that I am not offended any more that the SUV drivers think they own the road is what it is.  That some SUV drivers pull into spaces way too small for their cars so those parked next to them feel like they have to crawl through the trunk to get into their own cars is annoying.  All of this is something I have come to not only accept but also expect. 

But recently we had to go out and get a new car, and I was truly disappointed.  So, in my dream world, I would be back driving a sporty little two door.  Small, compact, maybe electric.  But I am a mom now, and that isn't such a reality based endeavor.  I put together my list of requirements: safe, four doors (my kids are too young to crawl into a back seat), as small as possible, good gas mileage.  In our search, I quickly realized, I wasn't going to get all of these things.  It came down to hybrid SUVs (not small, not really great gas mileage) and a "sports" sedan (sage, not good gas mileage,but relatively small).  We got the "sports" sedan but I kept thinking, I should have had more choice and could have chosen something with a better environmental footprint if there weren't those horrid SUVs on the road.

Lessons Learned (& Hopefully Forgotten?) from Frances the Hedgehog

Ah, Frances the hedgehog.  That precocious, song-singing, funny little children’s book character.  I loved her as a little girl.  I mean loved her.  To this day, every time I make brownies or chocolate cake and look into my mixing bowl, I picture the scene from A Baby Sister for Frances where the mama hedgehog is mixing a chocolate cake.  I’m pretty sure my little-girl self drooled when she looked at that drawing.

So it comes as no surprise that I could not wait to share Frances with my daughter.  I was so happy when she got old enough to sit through longer picture books.  We had a baby around that time, so I went to the library and picked up A Baby Sister for Frances. I had it with me when I stopped at Trader Joe’s afterwards and even had the cashiers waxing nostalgic.  Apparently we all loved Frances when we were little.  I couldn’t wait to get home and read it! Little did I know reading Frances was going to be a dangerous affair...

Seriously, my little girl is getting all kinds of crazy ideas from this hedgehog. Ideas that had never crossed her mind until I introduced them to her through my old friend Frances.  Jealousy of the new baby. Running

My daughter's first long summer and she doesn't want to go to camp

My daughter is "graduating" from Kindergarten on Wednesday and so will begin her first official summer.  Sure she's had summer breaks in preschool, but I always signed her up for summer preschool.  Before any type of school, she simply grew as the seasons passed and I needed to put her in slightly different clothes.   For the first time, she has three months of no school aka summer.

My daughter has opted only to sign up for swim lessons half an hour a week for the entire summer, three days of camp at Happy Hollow and one week of gym camp.  So far she's refused repeated offers of other camps and classes and the bay area offers a ton.  I'm not sure whether to be pleased that she recognizes that acres of free time shrink smaller and smaller as one ages until they're reduced to a precious commodity, or that she simply can't comprehend how long a (relatively) hot summer can be.  Her younger brother will be attending summer preschool part of the time, so it will be just me and her for some of the day.

On Becoming Great

I'm a great mom.  Fantastic.  It is my calling in life.  I'm a good teacher, above average even.  And I'm a good wife.  Sure, I micromanage at times.  And I frequently gripe about the fact that my husband is incapable of turning off a light as he exits a room.  But I'm a good wife, above average even.

But I'm a damn good mom. Or so I'd like to think. Nights like tonight, however, truly humble me.  Nights like tonight I doubt my ability to parent effectively.

We, the kids and I, truck along pretty well all day long.  But after dinner as bedtime approaches, my stomach becomes knotted. 

What will it be today? Will this evening turn sour?

Our family has the same routine every night.  I'm big into routines.  This is good because my son is quite intelligent and craves routine.  He needs structure and must know what is coming up.  So I make verbal lists with him.

The Gift of Education - A Child by Child Choice

A wise woman told me that the greatest gift we can give our children is the gift of a great education.  True, I agreed, but when I try to wrap up that gift with a pretty bow, I struggle to find the right solution for my BooBoo.  She is almost 3 and brilliant.  And yes, part of that is mom bias, but part of it comes from the teachers of classes she has had and other adults who have worked with kids her age.  When she was younger, I thought she was bright, but when I saw her interacting with other kids her age, I realized wow, she is pretty far ahead.  Teachers keep telling me she is way ahead of others in her age in her knowledge and understanding of the world and I need to make good choices for her in terms of education.  Great!  Woohoo!  Now what?

I was sure that I would just send her to preschool, any one would do, and then on to the good local public school for elementary school and private school for junior high and high school.  And I may do that.  More often than not, I feel like I am in that commercial where the child goes back in time starting with graduating from college going all the way back to preschool with the voice over that more kids who go to preschool finish elementary school and go on to succeed in Junior high school, etc.   And frankly, graduating isn't the issue.  It feels as if we choose the wrong preschool than she won't have a chance for a top college.  True?  Probably not.  But in Silicon Valley, the land of bright people, the opportunity seems greater for success but also the pressure for giving the best gift we can give seems extraordinary.  Is it private school, public school, dare I say it home school?

A Teacher Fretting About School

I am a public school teacher and I work in one of strongest academic districts in the Bay Area.  The school I teach at routinely ranks in the top five in California.  It's that good!

My school is also a 'choice' school, meaning that it is students come from all over the school district.  You have to choose to send your kids there.  Therefore school admission is based on a lottery.  When a child's number is called a parent almost always pulls their child out of their current private or public school to enter ours.

I know what great teaching is all about.  I've seen both sides, the good school environment and the bad. 

This is the best.

So why am I fretting about school? 

Simple.  I don't live in the school district in which I teach. 

Teachers can't afford to buy a house there.

A Boy and his Toy

Gunplay is such a hot topic.   Should we let our kids play with guns?  Should we ban them altogether?  Are moms who let their kids play with toy guns ‘bad’ moms?  Will I raise an overly aggressive child if I allow him/her to play with guns?  Will my children and I be shunned by the other moms and dads if we own a toy gun?

These thoughts have all gone through my head. 

Am I making the right decision?  Will my decision harm or alter the course of my children’s lives?

Well today I’m outing myself.  My children each have a toy gun.  Don’t shoot! 

And my husband and I gave those guns to our kids at Christmas.

Phew, I said it.  I can just feel the looks of shock and horror coming across the computer screen!  And frankly, I understand.  With all of the school shootings and other highly publicized atrocities occurring within our country, it’s no wonder many moms I know shudder at the though allowing their child to know about, look at, or touch a toy gun.

Discipline Diva, or Mrs. Diva to You

I am no stranger to public perception of parenting styles. I’ve been told my kid is a “brat,” and have been the recipient of plenty of unsolicited advice. Teachers and medical professionals question me slowly, “Have you considered getting him help?” even after I’ve told them repeatedly the run-down of what I have done.

Thankfully, those battles are primarily over. The Cat is a first grader and has gained more understanding about the issues that were so painful for us in the past. Of course there are moments of embarrassment, but that is true for any young child. No kid behaves perfectly all the time.

No, it is not the Cat, or autistic spectrum disorders, or the public perception of such things that is on my mind today. Rather, I have to admit that I am now on the other side of the battleground with my younger son’s friends: I find myself being the unfair judge.

“Kari, Spliggle is supposed to eat all his turkey.” one of his good friends told me haughtily. Her mother looked amused. “It is fine that she calls you Kari, right?” She gave me the look that essentially said that if I disagreed I would be causing a scene. I would be the one in the wrong.

Sunday evenings and my schtick

Conversations can seem difficult because we often forget to have them. It isn't that the words are hard to find, but rather that we don't even realize that they are there for us to offer. For example, I often find that Sunday evenings are a stressful time for me. The house is a mess after a weekend with 3 kids at home, there seems to be piles of stuff everywhere, mountains of laundry, toys to put away, and in the midst of this we are getting ready for school and work the next day, trying to re-orient back in to the schedule, etc. So what often ends up happening is that I snap at my kids to clean up their rooms, pick up the toys, and get organized for Monday. I hear myself and feel like I sound a bit overbearing with my desire to tidy. My husband calls it my organizing rampage – that doesn't sound too flattering, but it is pretty accurate.

First-Generation Good Parents

Sometimes friends tell you the darndest things.  And the stuff that really matters usually comes months, or perhaps years into a friendship, in the stolen parental talk-moments at the park, on the phone, when the kids are in the other room and you're sitting with a cup of tea, or over dinner with adults.

My childhood had its difficult parts.  Suffice it to say that when I started watching the reality show about Ozzie Osborne, next to my upbringing the family seemed a little Ozzie and Harriet to me. I mean they loved one another, Dad worked (kind of), mom had pets and stayed at home (um, kind of), and they talked.  It was sweet.  (Note that, in retrospect, this observation seems a bit ... off.  My husband thought that I was insane, but it's all a matter of perspective.  (It helps to be an inveterate Pollyanna.)

In conversations with my friends, I have heard of terrible things that parents have done to children:

New Gift for your Mother: A Genome Kit!

I am a WASP.  (White Anglo Saxon Protestant.)  At times I have argued in favor of being called a WASA (sub "agnostic" for the Protestant), but the lineage remains the same:  I am descended from hordes of light-skinned, sun-challenged people, many of whom probably have depressive tendencies, lack a predisposition to "let loose" in public, and like to lounge around the sidelines socially, cracking jokes and quaffing alcoholic beverages.  The wildest bunch is the Norwegian relatives, although if you've ever been privy to any of the Lutheran joke websites, you'll just roll your eyes at that one.

I tell you this because, while I am tempted to generalize and say that MANY mothers in their fifties like to work on the family tree and genealogy-type stuff, my husband has admonished me clearly about this.  "In my (Jewish) family," he said, we don't HAVE a family tree.  They were all killed.

Stops me cold, every time.

But a part of me still has a sneaking theory that family-tree research is a type of late-life nesting activity in older women.  Perhaps from the hind brain?  Something uncontrollable, like small animals digging nests

Sticker incompetence

Just the other day on my "core" mother's list (which is virtual, incidentally, and I love it like that), I asked for advice.  My son is starting to argue with me.  He's not done it up until now (I'm lucky, actually), but with his newfound "first grade-front-tooth-lost-reading-boy" power levels, I think that he feels just about equal to mommy, and I'm now getting a flurry of static when I talk with him.

A lot of the stuff he just didn't understant at first.  Like "Oh Yeah" is not a response for mommy.  But I've nicely let him know this (several times), and we're working through it.

Last night, however, the talking back got to me.

Rather than start a new family tradition (e.g. mommy opens a bottle of chianti, pours a glass, and THEN starts helping with homework), I pulled myself back and started to plan.

Over 40 is Facebook Creepy?

I have been reading about youngin's getting bothered about "creepy" elders hanging out in their Facebook turf. First the article "OMG my mom joined Facebook" by New York Times Cyberfamilias columnist Michelle Slatalla. Then articles like "Teens to parents: It's our Facebook"  by Janet Kornblum of USA TODAY.

But yesterday's article in the New York Times titled "73 and Loaded with Friends on Facebook" pushed me over the edge. A daughter, after being upset about her mother "friending" a girl on Facebook that was 18, started a Facebook group called "Over 40 is Facebook Creepy".

First of all, 40 is NOT old (not that I am taking that personally). Second of all, the "not highschool, not college" age people may just be using Facebook for, um,

Project: Life Change: Now it's your turn!

Cross-posted on Sassafrass and Chicago Moms Blog.

Calling all "mama friends," especially those of you who do the work-life juggle every day like we do.

Are you tired? Stressed out? Grouchy? Feeling like you are working too much? Missing out on watching your kids grow up? Too busy to participate in the fun parts of family life? Avoiding the pile of laundry in the corner of your bedroom?  Neglecting yourself? Not making time or money for the little luxuries? Feeling isolated from your partner? Overwhelmed with school calendars, activities, and homework? Longing for more time in your day? Feeling out of control and powerless to make a change?

We're Jessica of Sassafrass and Stefania of CityMama and we're right there with you. As much as we love to bitch about how frustrated we are with our current life sitches to anyone who will listen (and you know we can bitch like it's our JOB), we've decided to do something about it.

Menlo Park Experience #486: The Neighborhood Harridan

Tonight my son and I were over visiting the uber-yupster grocery store in Menlo Park, Draegers.  We stopped upstairs first, so that mommy could look at plates and creamers.  After all, Draegers is where we registered for our wedding! (Honest.)  We looked at the birthday things, checked out the sale rack, and then headed down to get our groceries.

It was a short jaunt. Only around one bag, so probably around what, sixty to a hundred dollars?  (This place amazes me.)

At the very end, I stopped in the vegetable section to get some broccoli.  For all of this time, my son had been right at my cart, playing happily.  (He stops at the plastic bag station, helps himself to about four ties, makes a small toy, and is happy as a clam.)  He was standing about five feet away from me -- standing, mind you (significant for a seven year old) -- playing "rocket."  It went like this:  "shhhhhwwwwwww, rrrrrrrmmmmmmmm, nnnnnneeeeeeeeewwwwww" with a little high pitch at the end.  Nothing wierd.  No yelling, twitching, kicking, rattling, car-riding, throwing, tapping, or crinkling. No raised voices.

Put That Thing Away!

For those family and friends that knew me as a young girl, they understand that I was a true "girly girl". As a child, I loved sparkly shoes and clothes, playing Barbie, doing art projects and pretend play consisted of tea parties with princesses. As I got older around junior high and high school, I never quite developed an interest in group sports. My activities included being on the school swim and track team, acting in plays, creating bigger art projects, and developing a strong interest in fashion. Even as a single adult, I only went to big Stanford, Giants or 49er sports events only if they included a tailgate party with single men or my gal friends. For exercise I did dance and aerobics. My favorite hobby became anything computer related and my fashion interest became an official obsession.

When I was blessed to have not only our first son, but then twin boys I was in a state of shock for some time.  My first thoughts after finding out my twins were boys were "WTF will I do with three boys?! Where do I learn about superheros, cars, trucks, building airplane models, how will I help them develop a love of group sports (really important for boys socially) when I don't play them???  And most of all, how do you talk to boys about care and maintenance of the favorite male body part I will call the "P thing"? Being the day caregiver will mean that I will be mainly in charge of potty training three boys! Help!!"  Luckily, my husband is all boy at heart and is coming in very handy during the most challenging of times.

Guest Blogger Jan Null Speaks Out: The Epidemic of Children Dying In Hot Vehicles

GUEST BLOGGER Jan Null is a CCM and Adjunct Professor of Meteorology at San Francisco State University. I contacted him after doing an online search for background information on Hyperthermia for my post about the nanny arrested in Mountain View for leaving a 2 year old in a locked car - unattended.  He kindly agreed to provide more information to our readers about the epidemic of children dying in hot vehicles.

______________________________________________________________________________________

There’s an epidemic in this country of infants and children dying in hot vehicles.  Most of us only hear about an occasional case in our local area, but taken collectively across the nation it rises to epidemic proportions.  Since 1998 there have been at least 345 deaths of children due to hyperthermia after being left in or trapped in hot vehicles.  Of this number nearly half were “forgotten” by a caregiver, about 25% were children playing in hot cars who were overcome by the heat, and sadly the final 20% were left intentionally inside a vehicle.   Unlike other epidemics, every single one of these cases can be prevented.

Getting on the Bus With Chris and Elizabeth

The blogoshpere has been buzzing lately. Rebecca shared her thoughts on campaigning with kids (in reaction to the New York Times article from last Sunday) in a post from the Silicon Valley Moms Blog titled "Speak to the press kiddo, or else a time out!!!" This stirred up some very interesting debate/comments, one from the eloquent and amazing Elizabeth Edwards herself. In agreement with the commenters Mir and Redsy, Ms. Edwards does end up looking classier in comparison and I will also be lighting a candle in the Elizabeth Edwards shrine. Then Chris from "Notes From The Trenches" shared her thoughts in a post titled "Getting on the bus with Elizabeth".

Being somewhat short of free time this morning like Chris, instead of a warm breakfast I gave my preschooler twins cheerios (after I sent my older son off to school) so I could write this. And instead of fighting over the TIVO remote, my twins had random acts of wrestling that I needed to break up even with their one hour of evil TV time this morning. Maybe I should of just baked cookies for breakfast, then would I have been the perfect mom?

Parenting on Pot

Everyone wants to be a better parent, right?   With the wealth of experience and information that surrounds us these days, parents can improve their parenting skills in almost any way they chose -- reading articles, attending parenting classes, consulting with experts, joining kids' playgroups moms' support groups, seeking advice -- the list goes on and on.  Here's another one: go smoke some pot.

Now, I try not to be a judgmental person, especially when it comes to parenting. I've had enough crazy moments in my three-plus years of being a full-time parent not to appreciate how difficult it is, and I honestly think that many or most parents are really trying to do the right thing by their kids. I know every kid is different, and what works for one may not work for another.  I firmly believe parents should look to their own physical and emotional needs, because a happy person makes a better parent.  And I think smoking pot -- just like smoking cigarettes or drinking alcohol or dancing in clubs all night -- does not necessarily make one a bad parent.

But in this case, we're not talking of moms who smoke pot when their kids are in bed; this is about moms who smoke pot with their kids. In "I'm a Better Mother when Stoned",   Mary Jane Mom writes, "It turned out I could not only manage taking care of my son while I was high; I could excel." Oh dear -- not cool.  I'm all for sipping martinis at my daughter's soccer game, but I think I'll draw the line at this.

Ganja Guardian claims that getting stoned helps her relax, focus on her child, "get down to his level", appreciate things from his point of view, and rediscover the simple, here-and-now pleasures with him. All very well and good, but you know what, Hash Honey, someone still needs to be the parent. So who's the responsible adult while you're stoned? Who's going to set limits and ensure your child's safety? Yes, it's great to wander around the mall with your child, delighting at the baubles in the windows and throwing coins into the fountain, but who's to say you won't decide to jump into the fountain with your child in tow? Yes, that may be the perfect example of "letting go", "living in the moment", but in your mentally altered state, you may forget that your child can't swim.  Yes, it sucks being the fuddy-duddy, boring old parent, but someone's gotta do it.

Everyone wants to throw away their cares sometimes and be focused solely on their children. But surely there are other ways to achieve the same end? How about spending some time away from the kids? That'll relax you and recharge you for the next time your kid has a "Kid from Hell" moment. Hire a babysitter and get thee to a spa. Or watch a movie with your partner. Or shop (that's my favorite method). And if you can't afford any of those, just leave your kids with hubby and lock yourself in the bathroom with a glass of wine and/or a box of chocolates. And the best thing about them is, they're all perfectly legal and guaranteed not to endanger your child.

The original version of this post appears on bonggamom's personal blog, Finding Bonggamom.

Will Harry Potter Mania Lead to More Reading, Or is Reading Books so Web 1.0?

The new Harry Potter film, "Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix", hit movie theaters today and everyone seems to be a buzzing with Harry Potter mania. Wendy from the Chicago Moms Blog saw the movie yesterday, for free (I am extremely not jealous)... Catherine, also from the Chicago Moms Blog, posted the "Countdown to Harry" with a nifty counter that keeps track of the time left before the last book (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows) comes out. Online sites like MuggleNet.com, the  Warner Bros Studios official website, Harry Potter Quizzes, Trivia  and Scholastic.com's Harry Potter site seem to be a favorite destination for kids lately.

But my question is "Do Harry Potter books really inspire kids to read beyond the books?" The New York Times says the effect is limited ("Potter Magic Has Limited Effect on Youngsters Reading Habits"). My 8 year son (and almost 5 year old twins) really enjoy listening to us read Harry Potter books. While my 8 year old can read Harry Potter himself, he prefers that we read it to him. He seems to be inspired by shorter chapter books that cover his areas of interest, so we still have to enforce our "read every day or no screen time" rule. I assume as he gets older he will want to read more, but the New York Times percentages shows the opposite trend: "...a series of federal tests administered every few years to a sample of students in grades 4, 8 and 12, the percentage of kids who said they read for fun almost every day dropped from 43 percent in fourth grade to 19 percent in eighth grade in 1998, the year “Sorcerer’s Stone” was published in the United States. "

My experience is that I did read more as I grew older.  But I did not grow up at a time where some 8 year olds (one that I won't mention by name - B) say things like this to their friends: "You don't have your own laptop computer?". And with all the new social networking sites for kids, will more time be spent on the computer instead of reading? Is online social networking time a  social outlet for kids that replaces reading?  And to make things more complicated, do audio and ebooks count as reading time? Let's not forget online book club and discussions forums; are they a bad replacement for live book clubs or do they offer a good opportunity for discussion for those who can't make live book clubs? I am overwhelmed by all of these modern parental dilemmas. 

Who knows. For now, I will keep enforcing our read every day rule and hope that my son will soon enjoy reading books made out of paper on his own.

Cross Posted on Techmamas.com

How to find a nanny or babysitter without going insane

Desperate moms looking for a few hours of reprieve, or looking for a more permanent child care set-up ace a daunting task before them -- locating someone who will watch the kids, keep them safe, and hopefully leave the house in roughly the same shape that you found it. And forget about asking another mom for a referral -- sitter lists are protected territory and shared only if the referring mom gets first divs on conflicting dates.

But times are a-changing! There are some great resources locally that you should check out. One that I've relied on for years is Bay Super Sitters. This has been my go-to resource for occasional sitting for the past five years. For an annual fee of about $150 (renewals are around $90 each subsequent year), you get a list of interviewed, vetted, and referred babysitters, complete with their availability.

Best of all, the lists usually include the sitters' email addresses, so I take the time to create a list of sitters and create groups -- Fridays, Saturday, Weeknights, etc. Then, when I have a need for a sitter for Saturday night, I blast an email to all the sitters in the Saturday group. Voila! I usually get a reply from someone within the hour. The best response time I ever had was 5 minutes. Really! I haven't had any problems with the many sitters we've used, but it is still a little disconcerting to leave your kids with someone you've met 15 minutes ago.

More recently, I set out to find an afternoon sitter for my two kids. My DH and I both work but have been fortunate to have flexible schedules so that we shared pick-up duties. But recently things have been getting busy at work and the pending crazy summer schedule of kids at different camps got me motivated to find a permanent afternoon sitter. I tore my hair out for about a month but finally found someone. I thought I'd share with you what worked and what didn't.

- Craigslist.org. This favorite standby got me a lot of responses, but also had overall the most hit or miss quality. The secret is to realize that there are two approaches -- you can contact sitters who have posted on the board, or you can post your own job description. Think about it -- the people who are posting are the ones who *can't* find a job. So you're better off posting your own job description and having a good sitter realize that it's potentially a good fit. You'll also spend a lot less time screening out people.

The key is to be VERY specific with what you are looking for and to *sell* your position. If you're a potential nanny with great references, why would she want to work for you? Here's the job description we used -- feel free to pilfer as needed:

Afternoon nanny needed -- our kids are really fun!
Our two great, fun kids (boy age 8.5 and girl age 7) are looking for an energetic part-time nanny to pick them up after school/camp. Our kids are into art, science experiments, animals, Pokemon, and being goofy. They get along well (although they do have their moments) and have fun, distinct personalities. I guarantee you that you'll have a great time being with them!

We are an easy-going, down to earth family and believe in treating nannies as a member of the family. As such, we promise to treat you with respect. I am a full-time working mom in the technology space and my husband is an entrepreneur. We have had nannies and sitters in the past, but for the past five years have been taking turns picking up the kids ourselves after school. Last summer, we had a college student helping with the kids -- and most importantly, the kids loved her -- and miss her.

Now who could resist that ad!?! The nannies we ended up interviewing were the ones that said that the ad really attracted them. And we ended up with a great fit -- Jennifer was already watching another child in the mornings and was looking for just this kind of position. She just started this week and I am SOOOO relieved!

- Sittercity.com, Babysitters.com, and Care.com. These are all online services that match sitters/nannies with families. Think Match.com for child care. As a family, you pay a monthly fee, ranging from $9.99 up, depending on the service. I signed up for Sittercity.com and received a lot of responses, although not always in my area. Care.com is a fairly new service and I received a few good leads there, but I started using it later in the process. I didn't have a chance to use Babysitters.com, but it has a neat "Mom approved" reference system. These services are worth trying if you're looking for permanent child care, but don't want to use an agency (and pay their four-figure fees).

- CareSquare.com. This is a very new service that is interesting, but is still just getting going. It's a social networking site for child care -- parents can invite their caregivers and other parents to join the network and provide feedback and reviews. And note that this goes BOTH ways, rating families as well as the child care providers. I'm intrigued by this idea because as I mention above, people are fairly reluctant to refer their sitters for fear that they won't be available in the future. The exception is when a family no longer needs care (such as a nanny leaving because the kids are older) and they want to make sure that a family knows that a great caretaker is available.

So I hope these resources and ideas help -- and I'd love to hear your experiences, ideas, and tips on how to find temporary and/or permanent child care.

 

UPDATED: Paris Hilton Released From Jail, And Other Tales of Morality

UPDATED 6/8/07: Maybe this is a lesson to kids....... Paris Hilton is going back to court today.

6/7/07:

After only 3 days in jail, Paris Hilton was released today. She will be serving the rest of her sentence (40 days) under house arrest in her Hollywood Hills mansion (with a high tech ankle bracelet). I have three boys, but this whole episode has made me think about celebrities and their effect on children. The New York Times article "Grade-School Girls, Grown-Up Gossip" discussed that while kids follow closely the antics of celebrities, they are highly judgmental.   But what worries me is the delayed effect noted in the article:

''There may be a delayed effect,'' said Dr. Richard Gallagher, the director of the Parenting Institute at the Child Study Center of New York University. ''When kids know that some behavior is possible and that it doesn't lead to total ruination of your life, they may, as they get older, be willing to entertain that.''

Drunk driving is a very serious problem, so what will kids learn from the Paris Hilton episode? She violated the terms of her probation for an alcohol-related reckless driving conviction.  And while she was sentenced to jail, she only served three days of her sentence because of a "medical condition" (a rash she developed). Yeah, right. I think the person who "dugg" the TMZ article summed it up perfectly "Three days total.  You or I would be rotting right now".

I Surrender