Silicon Valley Moms Blog

Send Him Out to the Ball Game

Tonight, I sent my husband out at short notice to a Giants baseball game.  TypePad kindly gave tickets to the Silicon Valley Moms Blog, and I was the first one to grab them.  I've learned after several serious relationships and now approx. 8 years with my husband that it's good to encourage a boys' night out, and I knew he wouldn't plan one himself.  He just started a new job on Monday, he has a ton of things to do around the house, and his mother is coming to visit next week.  (Oh no, please don't let me start thinking about that yet...)

So off my husband went to the ball game with a friend, and he had a great smile on his face as he left, which to me meant I did a good wifely deed.  Yeah, sure, I thought about getting a sitter so I could go too, but I spent all day yesterday in San Francisco celebrating with a close friend who is going off the pill to start trying for a baby, and doing "research" for SFBayStyle articles (checking out stores and restaurants counts).  I spent most of today in San Jose covering a fashion show fundraiser for the Ballet San Jose School.  I had spent maybe 2 hours with our daughter in the past 2 days, so I thought it might be nice for us to spend an evening, just the two of us, even though we will be together most of the next few days.  And really, we all need to get out and have some down time.  I think it's important for a healthy relationship.

Family Necklace

About a month and a half ago I was watching Oprah. Don't laugh!  I'm sure you have your vice too.  Mine happens to be Oprah. And Dr. Phil And American Idol. And What Not to Wear...

But I digress.

In the Oprah episode I'm speaking of, Oprah interviewed Seal and his wife Heidi Klum.

"Whatever," I though, "I know nothing about them, and I'm not too interested. But then they began talking of their love for each other, their kids, and their priorities.  And somewhere during that show they displayed their family necklaces.

Family necklaces. What a cool idea!! My husband and I got talking. We wanted a family necklace too.

The 2007 Blogging Wife

Just another Silicon Valley blogging couple - Beth B.'s husband Neil came to visit for dad's day.

On family vacations when I was a kid, my Dad used to get a kick when my Mom would pick up the check and pay all the bills. This was New England in 1970s. Waiters and hotel clerks seemed to be uncomfortable with a woman holding cash while her family walked out the front door.

So now, decades later and on the other side of the United States, I experience a similar perverse pleasure watching my techmama do all the home IT tasks that I always thought would fall to me, the Electrical Engineer in the family. Beth is the one calling PacBell when the DSL goes down and replacing the router when we decide it's all working too slowly. I intentionally wander the isles at Best Buy and watch her drill the salespeople on the finer points of cell phone Bluetooth headsets. Usually, she gets a better reception

Are the Presidential Candidates Good Fathers? And does it matter, anyway?

Recently there was some great, healthy (and entertaining) debate on this blog about presidential candidates and their parenting.  The basic premise was that the candidates’ wives may not be good mothers because they have their young kids on the road and in front of the media for the election campaign.  Sprinkled into the discussion was also the notion of having limited family time due to illness or other unfortunate circumstances.

Implied in the discussion was that the candidates themselves (husbands) get a free pass in terms of being fathers.  Ironically, the "mommy blog" was much more critical of wives than of husbands.  Don't fathers have responsibilities to the kids as well?  If so, is it equal responsibility to the mothers?

Being a dad in the silicon valley, I am intimately familiar with long work schedules, constant distractions, and work-life balance issues.

Problem Solvers vs. the 9-5 Drones

Living and working in Silicon Valley was a very delicate balancing act: on one hand work was empowering and in most situations my colleagues were open to new ideas and had a real desire to change things for the better. But it was frequently difficult to tear myself away from work in an evening to see my kids before they went to bed, or to avoid firing up the laptop on the weekends in order to spend time with my wife. Problem-solving becomes infectious when you are surrounded by other problem-solvers; at times I am sure I resembled an addict waiting for my next fix –well, why not, we were changing the world weren’t we?

Twelve months ago we moved from the Bay Area and back to the UK in order to be closer to family. (The other alternative was Florida but that place is just too damn hot for an Englishman! Besides, I have a fear of hanging chads.) It was when I re-entered the UK job market that I received my rude awakening…

Another day in the life spent preparing 3 and 4 year old boys for a career in professional soccer

“Do you guys want to play soccer?”. Both K and D say “Yes!”. Like they have a choice, since they are named after the only truly talented and creative English soccer player to ever play the game (Kevin Keegan), and the best American soccer player (Landon Donovan). (Hint: We used the player’s last names…….). We try to push past our two dogs, Pele’ and Pelota, and up to their bedroom where we choose between soccer uniforms representing Pachuca, two different Chivas uniforms, USA national team, Liverpool (K. Keegan’s old team), Corinthians, Figurense, Sao Paulo, Juventude, Brazil national team (Ronaldinho or Ronaldo), Barcelona (classic Ronaldo jersey from 7 years ago), Real Madrid, the white Santos uniform, or the black and white Santos uniform (Pele’s old team). Fifteen minutes and one potty break later, the boys are ready to joga bonita.

Now we need to find their soccer cleats, but we need to pour out the sand from their shoes first. Clapping them together like erasers at the blackboard does the job, and we are ready to double-tie our way to the soccer shoe stability. K is all over doing this on his own, but in a rare retraction from his “I can do it!” stance, D allows me to take care of the complicated procedure for him.

Testosterone Day

SUMMARY of Testosterone day on the Silicon Valley, Chicago and DC Metro Moms Blogs

Alec Baldwin: Driven to the Edge by Parental Alienation?

After some days where I rush around all morning (with my husband's help) getting the kid's ready for school, make their lunches, then go shopping to get the foods they liked stocked in the fridge, stop by a store to find the right slim cut pants that fit my son, quickly go into the party store to get summer outside toys like chalk and bubbles, run into the house to finish signing the kids up for summer school, call their mother's friends to confirm playdates, try to fit in some time to do my own work at home, pick them up from school, play outside with them until I have to cook them dinner, work with my hubby to get them ready to bed and read stories - and then they get mad at me because I could not help them put together their transformer car thingy toys (that always falls apart) - well, I am close to completely losing my temper. One time I even started to say "you are being a p...." (pain) to one of my sons. Instead I said "pan" and got a very confused look.

When I read in the New York Times today an article ("I'd Like to Get Off The Stage Right Now") that discussed the message Alec Baldwin left on his 11 year old daughter's phone calling her a "rude, thoughtless little pig", I had to think for a second on what I found the most offensive. Was it that he called his daughter a "pig". Was it that he left it on her answering machine? Was it that someone actually leaked a conversation of a divorced dad pushed to edge because his daughter would not call him when he asked? Was it that, as a parent, I wished Alec Baldwin could have the chance to work on the relationship with his daughter in private? Was it that the apology to his daughter was public on his personal website?  Or was it that in the digital age acts of desperation are being recorded for the world to see?

I don't know any parent that has not been pushed to the edge of frustration at one time or another. One of the hardest things I find about being a parent is that you always need to be a role model, even when you are mad, frustrated, alienated, scared, tired, sick (shall I go on).....

I also come from a divorced family but I was lucky that my parents handled the angry details behind the scenes, and that I have a great relationship with both parents. My Dad lives a flight away from me and has also been frustrated that I have not returned his calls at times. But instead of calling me a name, he leaves me a heart-wrenching "why don't you return my calls, are you mad at me?" message. Guilt is an effective tool; knowing that he is spending his day wondering if I am mad at him will always push me to return his call. He is also very supportive that I am a busy mom and apologizes when I finally do call him.

In the end I feel parents need to watch what they say, even if it means calling your child a "pan" in a moment of frustration.

Beth has a personal blog called "Techmamas" where she discussed the top ten ways alienated Dads can communicate with their kids.

Related Link: Strollerderby posted on April 21: Alec Baldwin Apologizes, Blames "Parental Alienatoin" for Outburst.

Thankful for Dads that Cooked Thanksgiving Dinner

My sister-in-law and I were sitting in their living room on Thanksgiving eve, playing with the kids, when we both realized an amazing thing: We had not lifted a finger to prepare any food for dinner. Our husbands did the shopping and all the cooking while we kept the kids entertained. I took my boys to the San Francisco Zoo (which is actually open Thanksgiving Day) and my sister-in-law took her boys on an outing.  Is this part of a growing trend or are we just lucky to have husbands that enjoy cooking? Or is this a strategy for segregation of duties since my sister-in-law and I both do not enjoy cooking?

Before we had our delicious boys, my husband and I were a great cooking and entertaining team. We enjoyed planning for what we would serve, having wine while we cooked dinner together and then serving our guests. Some people can cook lavish meals with kids, but I have not been able to. All the distractions make it hard for me to have the same interest in cooking.

I was pleased to find out that my husband enjoys cooking. He uses his engineering background to master recipe measurements and his marketing to add creativity to the dishes. My brother-in-law is a lawyer who uses his talents to fine tune the art of cooking a juicy turkey and making incredible stuffing.

Excuse me for being mushy, but I feel very thankful to have a husband and brother in-law who participate in family events with such enthusiasm. As Mary Tsao adorably demonstrated in her post "Guilty Mommy Doesn't Live Here Anymore", all Dads that cooked Thanksgiving Dinner should give themselves a big pat on the back! And Moms should also give themselves a pat on the back; for all the cooking, caring for kids and entertaining they did on Thanksgiving and every day.

RECAP!!! TESTOSTERONE DAY ON SILICON VALLEY MOMS BLOG

RECAP, RECAP, RECAP!!!!

"What, blogging again?" We Silicon Valley Moms bloggers hear that phrase a lot these days from our husbands, when they track us down to find out why we're ignoring the kids screaming. (We can tell the difference between "kid who is bleeding" and "kid who is a drama queen" in our sleep, we don't have to leave the keyboard to check.) But we decided we'd hand over the keyboards to the dads (and maybe they'd get off our respective cases). We've asked them to tell us what they think about our blogging on Silicon Valley Moms Blog, about what it is like to be the spouse of a Silicon Valley mommyblogger or what are their challenges as dads raising kids in the valley?   On Monday, October 9th, we let them say it right here, on our blog. 

Here is the recap!

• Mike on Simple Pleasure Scorecard
• David on Me and Lia on the Lanai
• Neil on High Tech Treasure Hunting for Dads and Kids
• Brian on Organized Chaos
• Frank on Single and NOT in Silicon Valley
• Curt on Groundhog Saturday