Isn't Weird Comfort Food a great idea for a cookbook? I wonder if it would take off. Probably. Heck, they published The White Trash Cookbook. I don't own The White Trash Cookbook incidentally. I figured that I could just go out if I wanted that type of food.
However I did purchase The WASP Cookbook (what can I say?). Reminds me of my years in Boston - and my grandmother. And I have to mention my absolute favorite cookbook: You've Had Worse Things in your Mouth,
by Billi Gordon. Billi's cookbook is hilarious, although hard to find
now. She divides food categories uniquely: Seduction, Destitution,
Motivation, and Revenge. Her peanut butter and wasabe sandwich, for
example, is custom-designed for the picnic where you haul your best
girlfriend's panties (found under the bed) out and confront your
boyfriend. You know? And her recipe for chocolate pudding containing
chocolate laxative is a really great way of broadening your culinary
view of things. Looking for the perfect graduation gift? Want your
daughter to dump her scummy live-in? Give her the culinary tools for
success.
But I digress. I actually began this today wanting
to write about weird comfort food. The strange concoctions that we, as
adults, tend to eat alone in our kitchen, hunched over the bowl or
plate while reading shallow magazines or genre fiction. So... what's yours?
Does weird comfort food have rules? Sure! It has to be something that you
eat at home. Entire chain restaurant menus (e.g. Ye Olde Pancake House)
don't count. It has to be a specific food combination that you or
someone in your family uses for nutrition and comfort. My
husband, for example, puts cottage cheese on pasta. Oops, excuse me. He
just corrected me. He puts cottage cheese on egg noodles because
apparently they taste "totally different." I find that odd. If we have
no cottage cheese, he will take plain penne pasta and put catsup on it.
Now I find that cringingly bizarre.
My family has an earnest streak which renders us boring on this topic. When I was growing
up, my mother would often make me comfort food.
One favorite was soft-boiled eggs, chopped up small with some butter on
top and homemade bread made into toast. Pretty dull, huh? I remember
eating and thinking I was just like Christopher Robin. Stuff like this
is why I'm such a freaking Pollyanna today.
I suppose that
macaroni and cheese might have been another family comfort food,
although I don't remember it as such. And it was real macaroni and
cheese. First you overcook the pasta (remember the WASP reference up
top?) Then you make a homemade white sauce and put dried mustard
powder, some white pepper, a dash of worcestershire sauce, and a lot of
grated cheddar cheese into it. Stir it up into the pasta and bake! Put
bread crumbs on top. More butter. Lots of butter.
When my
mother was getting her teaching credential, she sent us over to some
real, honest-to-goodness white trash types for babysitting. It was
amazing. I was twelve and I read probably 200 True Detective magazines
(and all of their Reader's Digest Condensed Books) while there. Every
time we were there, they would feed us this extremely strange food. It
was ... macaroni and cheese from a box! The Kraft stuff. And, the real
shocker - no vegetables!
This family was amazing. They were
like the poster children for healthy home cooking. They all weighed
about 300 lbs, the mom wore a flowered housedress, and the dad
routinely took little Bubba out back for a good whipping. Yikes. I
haven't read a True Detective magazine (or purchased or eaten Kraft
macaroni and cheese) since. And what's with that stuff, anyway? It
takes just as long to make the real stuff as it does the wierd
glow-in-the-dark orange stuff! But I suspect that it's the siren lure
of comfort food.
The real weird comfort food," though, and the
stuff I'm most interested in, is the sometimes odd combinations that
you developed as a child and still (somewhat furtively) try today. When
you're a kid, you're just developing taste buds and a sense of, um,
personal style. The results can be entertaining. Yesterday, I made a
can of Campbells tomato soup. I put it on the table, and then got out
the saltine crackers. Methodically, I crumpled about 10 of them onto
the top of the soup. Then, I ate it. My son looked at me somewhat oddly
and I tried to get him to taste it. He did, and then looked at me more
oddly. "No thanks mom" he said, emphatically.
Ah, well, he'll
figure out his own comfort food. I also enjoyed homemade dill pickles
dipped in milk for a few years. Might I add, though, that I was raised
in a health food-conscious home in the middle of the country, and we
had limited options? Like lots of carob, and tea with honey in it if we wanted sweets?
Frankly,
I look forward to hearing what all of you suburban ex-kids used to eat
as comfort food. I'll bet you can come up with some toe-curling
oddities. Come on, I dare you. Share!
BTW, as penance for the (shark noise please) Amazon link inclusions, here's a good booklover's link, just to even things out a bit.
Originally published on www.anachronisticmom.com